i'm the outcast
the one that never fits in
can't ever find friendships that last
not even sure where to begin
i want to be a part of something
i want to feel like my existence matters
but i'm just a puppet on my own lonely string
forced to listen to everyone else's chatter
i have talent, i have worth
but i feel like i'm the only one who sees it
why, why was i even put on this earth
if i'm always meant to be the misfit?
when others are around i become invisible to you
not even you attempt to include me in things that you do
if not even you will include me, then who?
am i just meant to sit on the sidelines, feeling blue?
i want to be a part of a group
that encourages me to be creative and free
but i'm the only one in this coop
and i guess that's just how it's meant to be

i love you, i love you
so i don't know what to do
i'm panicking and scared
for this, i wasn't prepared
you want me gone, it seems
i never expected this in my wildest dreams
i thought our love was stronger than this
but maybe i just didn't realize what was amiss
the way you look at me says you love me
but the way you act doesn't seem to agree
what did i do to cause this divide?
or did it form because of you and your endless pride?
do you really want me to leave forever?
do you want a two year love to truly sever?
i can hear my heart breaking, tearing at the seams
nothing could hurt more, not even my nastiest dreams
please don't tell me you want me to leave
or you and our love, i will forever greave

speeding toward the freeway on a vacant on ramp
my eyes are fixated on the stretch of road ahead
you sit in the passenger's seat,
quietly staring out of your window
the air between us is tense, almost angry
and i speed past cars to vent my frustrations
why can't things in life just be simple?
why must everything have some kind of obstacle?
i remember when us lying together is all we'd ever need
now it feels like we're miles apart when we lay in bed
i don't know what i did or what i said
and trying to figure it out makes my mind bleed
if i had it my way, i'd run away from here
i don't know who i am or what i'm meant to be
i thought you were my perfect puzzle piece
the one that kept me smiling in moments of chaos
all my anxiety, fear, depression
you always looked past it because you loved me
but where has the love gone? can it be?
do you wish i would just disappear?
i want to ride the highway all the way to pugent sound
never come back to this hallowed ground
this place and it's scenery has made me empty
and i realize it has nothing left to offer me
if you leave me, this place holds nothing to bind me
but then again, if you're gone, i don't even want to be me
i never wanted to picture my life without you in it
but i guess all good things eventually end
humanity doesn't usually have many happy endings
it usually ends in death, heartbreak, or broken dreams
i didn't want to be a victim of the american dream
i just wanted to love and be loved in return

i want to be beautiful
like the most radiant light you've ever seen
i want to be dutiful
to be purposeful and strong like a queen
i want you to look at me
like i put the stars in the sky
i just want to be
the apple of your eye
i want to feel like a goddess someday
so valiant, ready to empower
i want all my insecurities to decay
so my confidence can begin to flower
i want your fingers to grace me
like i'm the rarest thing you've ever felt
i want to train to be
a force of nature, but still be soft and svelte
i want to be everything you deserve
so you can love me fiercely like the sunshine
until the end of the earth, this i will preserve
and like an angel, one day i will be divine

i run away from a fight like prey running from its hunter
i sit in my car, and wonder where i should go
to feel this lonely, it's a feeling i never wanted to know
but i put my car in drive and speed off anyway
i hit the freeway, to a sea of tail lights and darkness
not knowing where i'll end up
no place feels like home,
i don't feel like i belong anywhere, anymore
i just want a place where i can feel safe
a place i feel warm, a place i feel loved
i don't want to feel like my mind is a prison anymore
i don't want to feel like everyone is my competition anymore
i just want to be me
but lately, me feels just so ordinary
like anyone's company would be much better than my own
i listen to the same music,
play the same games,
a plain jane on the outside
i feel like i have nothing to offer the world around me
every time i think i'm doing better
my brain talks me out of it and i'm hanging by a thread again
i just want it all to stop hurting
i just want to be loved unconditionally
without fear someone will see my flaws and plain-ness
and run away without looking back

twilight
the stars send shards of light into my room
i squint my eyes and look at the clock
almost dawn again
i toss and turn hoping the sandman will find me
before the sun rises and burns him up
restlessness
has always been a friend of mine
never enough rest to cleanse my fatigue
never enough moonlight to sing me to sleep
the bags under my eyes start to resemble a purple sunset sky
as my eyes continuously see the sun rise
my body, my vessel, what carries me through life
seems so worn down, so deprived of vitality
oh, la luna
why does it seem that i can never get enough rest under your guise?
my brain causes a racket, and before my eyes, the sun is taking your place
and i'm forced to leave my bed with a feeling of despair and exhaustion
i long to drift away in the early stages of dusk
to float elsewhere on the riptide of my dreams
i crave the idea of being a bright eyed girl
that gets enough sleep and has so much more to offer
but alas, slumber is truly so good at avoiding me
and my mind keeps me up, talking to the moon
we've become great friends, but i'd really like to find the sandman
and become better friends with my dreams, and the feeling of tranquillity

you say you love me
that you understand and support me
but i can't say that i agree
not based on what i see
you're not self-aware
you don't see how what you do hurts me
my self-esteem falls so long does my hair
your actions don't match you words, you see
you tell me you love me while you look away
you hold me close but it feels like you're in outer space
my confidence plummets as i fill with dismay
and i don't feel like i belong in this place
your hands don't touch me like they used to
you look bored when i try to light the spark in you
i'm at a loss and don't know what to do
as my heart slowly fades to blue
how can i feel confident when it doesn't feel like you want me?
i feel like a fool anytime i vie for your attention
this isn't how i want this to be
my heart feels like it's hanging in suspension
if you love me, why do you feel so far removed?
i'm trying my best just for you
i reach for you but you seem unmoved
how do i fix it all, i wish i knew