Do you remember
being 14
utterly lost
but found somehow

That headache
That heartache, too
(how to draw the line in them two?)
Getting turned on to anything
A politically incorrect *** machine.
Hugh Laurie - he swims in your thoughts
All the girls, anything goes
Gerard Way, Paul Dano, your cousin's husband
Come on! I wanna give you my love...
I don't care - girl or ****

Oscillating wildly
between life and death
That's where it lies
You end up on sertraline
But you can't take me from me

Do you remember
the twisted ways
of those days
I feed on them, no matter how long ago
Disentangling this - my job

Virgins, *****.
Same broken hearts.
Swimming in oceans of doubt.
Life has a toll.
Live it full, including the wounds,
the rush of blood

We are living off our parents.
These ******* up there are to blame
Uncertainty all over the place.
Perpetual children - but below the waist
Lies the real crux of it
We crave the sea
We have the waves, the flames

Our life is shiny like a new razor
Who is going to stop us?
We'll seize the sky
We'll **** a lot, let him take my heart
Drunk demi adolescents in a night bus
We carry risk in each step we take
But we have no time for death

You can't spare us from the danger
Because life is a gamble.
And we have to stitch our souls
We are eternal, and we are now.
There are strings of fate uniting us all.

Made of plush, steel, waste and skin.
Bleeding profusely.
Made of pills, wonder and people like me.

2020 please give me what I want!
or something better, if not

2020 please fetch me some love!
I am the source, I am the source

2020 you are pregnant with hope
fearful to see you unfold
waiting to see you grow

surprises in store for me
and everyone around

2020 you are nothing
life carries on and I keep dancing
2020 please God
give me a world of ****** and love

All I wanna do is to walk through Madrid with you
Do you? Do you?
Like a child waiting nervously for Santa Claus
Come on, let me out!
Crying when she gets not toys but coals.
Nervously listening to nervous songs.
There's a shadow on her heart, and endless love

The child throws a tantrum when she doesn't get love.
The woman becomes a younger one.
She was eager to taste.
She's lost.
And then he comes and soothes her
with words
in the absence of arms

All I wanna do is share life
with you
No further questioning: I know you do too
And so do I,
despite
my million ties

Only 5 days
of closeness
Thinking it was gonna last forever
We cannot stay long
Is it mine or your fault?
It's better this way

I have to tell myself you're not here
So close to you I feel
Something's broken, off
But
we rode on clouds of schizotypy
we put name to our demons
we did white magic at night
all by wire...
But you were by my side
not ever being alone
oh dear you warmed my heart
Like a squish! I don't know what this is
An ephemeral romance of the mind
A bound sensation to be found
Eternal...
We laughed, we lived, we cried.
Just 5 days in our lives.
Thanks.

It's 9:32 PM and I am waiting for your message
like the hysterical ***** I am - you have no clue yet
the ghost of him lingers around and floats on air
or is merely a ghost all of myself?

It's 9:32 PM and I have already been here
The same old pressure in the chest and catastrophy
But this time I switch
This time, the pain I ditch

I swallow the pain like a pill
that slides inside my throat like an usual drill.
If you **** me over, I can leave.
Do not be that bleeding lady, that hurt chick.

This is good for writing poems, it is
but life and poetry do not always meet

Tell me what went wrong last night
All my pain resurfaces and I can't hide
A billow of trouble surging from my insides

It began slowly, last day
With the feeling again
you would not pay attention to what I said

It got bigger, later on
when I met my dear but troubling friends
it all went slowly more wrong

It got more and more swollen, everytime
Their lives are so much better than mine
They don't know the joy, they don't know the fight
I watch the place I inhabit and I swear
it's ******* bleak! Everything uncertain,
everything unclear
Their eyes wound me, seeing myself through these
I can't tell you about the things I've outlived
the things I've seen, and yet to see!
because:
This is my life
a journey, a struggle
ecstasy,
vital fluid
pills and thrills,
mad smiles
do you wanna ride?

And I hear a command:
To myself I have to stay true
Assert myself despite you
I am worthy, I am good!

Came home crying, feeling so torn
everything in me felt dead and gone
I saw the Sun hide last night
But next morning, it was right back.

Where are you tonight?
I'm playing russian roulette with my heart
Giving it away to strangers in my pain
Which is getting to be too much

Where are you tonight
while I count hours away
while you live your life
and I waste it with anyone
and I end up over the top
tired of who's talking to me a lot

I gave my heart to the wrong man
tonight
I fell under familiar deathly spell
again
but this time I'm a watchdog
it won't happen twice

He says my poems are depressing
And I fear I'm going down the path again
of telling my life to anyone
This fake freedom that really is nothing but
wrong
being adapted to anything but myself
He says my poems are depressing
And I wasn't even there
I can't help but write about these things
I can't help myself
I can't help my life is such a mess

But in the other hand...
you cannot see my dark
but maybe you cannot see my shine
either

Why you have to act like that
Oh it hurts much!
You don't see what I see through my eyes
Because you are blind to us
You paint it black, you bring me down

You feed my fears - you make me sick
Mom don't lend me your eyes today
I need my own mind
to save myself

(And there's the tingling in my legs
which is my most sacred secret)

It's always the same reaction on
But we are in love, like it or not
There are more things than what you can conceive
I am bigger than this, your mind is caged up

Let me be abused this time
Let me be his ****
Let me keep on riding
I am looking at the sun
And the moon, and oh, the stars

I know how to quickly dissolve
in literary forms
But you must beware, be aware, because...
He didn't **** you - you don't know what really hurts
Life is wider than all of these thoughts

I'd rather have Lil' Kim than McKinnon
I'd rather feel ***** and filthy
That we women are still shamed
for feeling, behaving this way!

Not all men are enemies - you are a Iago, poisonous snake
whispering noisily on our ears
But I'm over it because with LOVE I am filled.

And this is the crux of it:
you can **** yourself. You can ****.
You can drive to your ruin. Who's to blame?
Not you, but not him.

I have a man. He's the one.
He's got me. I am his, whole.
Shame me for feeling in love!
Shut up, you fake feminist.
Stop your spell, your undersexed kiss.

Love and **** - then we'll talk

I am ***** a thousand times
but not in the ways you describe
I am ***** by men calling me a ****.
I am ***** by a system that doesn't understand.
I am ***** by women like you - ****** my brains

Girls keep blowing! they'll keep touching you ****
Men don't deceive us - we will not answer to this

A day with you
When I learn about myself
I'm not sure I can do it
'Cuz I've got feelings too, I do
And they got twisted and used
Forgot all they learnt
on the basis of some crazy stupid affair
I've been going from one place to the other
Fundamentally forgot
who I am
No matter how odd or unexplainable
I'm one of a kind
But I ignore my own mind
Sending me signals
And I jump into other's arms without warning
You say that you're broken
You're really wrong man
It's not about being torn
because that's what life is really about

You are so full of beauty...
It overwhelms me
My shining star my ***** confession
my loved one, my obsession
maybe byproduct of emptiness and confusion
What a shame for me
I should be giving a good name to the INFP.

And it's beginning to soak in my bones
And it's beginning to drain me so

A poet, a poet
that is a ******
I'll live off things
that always be

Some bury themselves in parties and drugs
other bury their head beneath their pillow
to choke their selves to death
Yet we are somehow the same
"No one makes it alive", they say
So don't blame us, we are just trying to cope
and it will never ******* stop
Adolescents - take no ****
from us adults - that forgot how we used to
bleed

Some take a path wrong - others simply stay home
Some wither because they just don't know how
All of them scratching 18 with their nails
The world lies there, but you can't fetch
Crotch about to burst in trampled on desires
unacknowledged life and shine under the teenage void
And I stopped being one of you years ago
But I can feel still every word
And I know you cannot die
in the same way that neither can I.

watch out for the small vital treasure -
your heart
your ***
your soul
Do not let them bite you off
unless it's in the neck
and that oh God feels good

Now you step into shaky, feared land
I tell you: do it, and do it at once
The good adjusted adults tremble in fear
but you should rejoice with this
Get confused, rave, get lost in the maze
of the world
because the world is not a jail
the world is all we have got
Never grow up!

get drunk with the lesbians
be your class reject of choice
outrage parents with a single look
leave your heart in everything you do
be a puzzle to everyone but you

I should not tell you to do all of this
I am the unlikely mom: I don't want you to behave
I just want you to get your way,
I just want you to smile, **** what the world
has to say

They'll try to keep you away, lead you astray
all because they love you to death
and it's true, but it's a peril too
when love keeps you away from you
So love, love, love till your heart cracks
even if they call it awful names and words;
Love, love, love the world is the law.
And your heart won't crack,
because it grows stronger with every move and touch

be a vessel of vitality
be a vessel of your own cause
just mess with it all!

I wasn't aware I had a body -
with a promise inside
a note for me telling, "I've got goodies for you to unlock"
"use me as you like"
"I am yours to thrive, get high!"

But I was setting my eyes on men
even if I didn't know back then
In unexpected ways. Not aware.
The Bonsai girl - breaking away

He is arousing to the eyes - and oh, below the pants
I should have known him at 22, instead of hiding
in the back row of the class
Counting ghosts, and hearing demon's voices loud

Did I know what I was feeling?
Only now it seems to have a meaning

But no turning back - no sadness really in my heart
and I am just angry tonight
Tonight, angry you are not by my side
I could really hurt you, but instead of that
I look at him and for a second,
I fly

(He's joy in a confused Saturday night)

And I'd lie
if I said I'm not afraid
Everything spins, crazy clocks
How will I jump? I will tell
All arrows pointing at my head
I risk nothing thinking of the gutter
"Anyway that's how everything ends"
The gutter never let me down
It only stopped my growth
And I am thrilled, and I am terrified
of what's coming to my side
You are on my mind
I just need things to unfold fast
Or just right...
I am at a crossroads, again
Can you take my hand?

(Afraid because I can feel death
Blowing on my neck
The end, the end
Maybe it's a mistake
And I'm saved)

Afraid of my past, as it always was
Afraid of losing my mind
another time

Like a pattern written by God
Afraid of things going wrong
Because I've been here before
I can only accept, I can only abide
it goes outside of my scope
I cannot control, I cannot know

I change with the Moon
you change when  I do
the terrible pattern calls out
I drown, I drown.

Afraid of this pain in my chest
of demise unfolding the same old way
because it was a blaze
but I survived,
I kind of raised from the dead
(I never accepted death)

Why can't I just trust men?
Why they never help?
I wonder where you are now and what you do
Because I'm so afraid of what could
Of the unavoidable, an unconscious doom.

Going back, going forth
Not knowing at all
and knowing too much at the same time
thoughts pile, hoard my head
They hover on it, they are too thick for me to get
This fog I'm in
of realizations striking me one after the other
All fake and real, fighting for air
To breathe, for birth
One clouding the other, coming too fast
Your love...builds me, tears me apart
I got obsessed with running away - but I'm a woman in the run
A ******* the run...

this is right!
this is nice!
but I'll see further
for love is wide

don't forget heaven
but stay in tune
for those divine waves
in the sun and the gloom

I see it wide
can't hide!
what am I to do
I am not by his side
and there's so much time

those twisted corridors
of the mind
they are real and
they are lies
learn their swing
learn to dance!

There are things I should change
but everything changes
when contacted with hell
Now I am back home
with all its glee, all its hope
and some of its doubt

A mute again, I will be
But so calm and so still
And to grow up this time, I promise I will

Everything is a question now
But life answers them all
In ways you never thought

I had so many things to say
Now all them are left astray
Coming today from you, so sweet,
forever I would stay
but our love will remain

You were my light
I held you as a match
I see now with open eyes
And I see our fabrics,
and they are worlds apart

Your lack of sense is captivating
But it is what it is
We are antithetic - made of different fires
I wished once I was you
Now I know it wouldn't be cool

Now I see who we are
We are islands - what the ****?
Now I see your meaning exact
Empty - of all my pain and all my stars.

Thomas, now I am closer to you.
Now that I am *** crazed
Now I had that taste
And yet
I know you are lost
because you missed the point
that shaking legs
is essentially love

It wasn't fair
stripping me bare
but you were just a shadow
a ghost that played
a stain
a ******* stain
in the canvas
of my days

You haven't heard my cries for help
I felt the worst way - so you were in my list of names
I wasn't alone, but you weren't there
Again, again, you do this to me again
What's your game?

I told you my biggest hopes and fears
and you ran away, ignored me.
You cannot stand - my non-virginity
You cannot stand - I'm not yours, dear
I am not your *****. Maybe he's right about this.
Maybe I loved you, maybe you never did.
But I've got remembrances of you
too deep, too sweet

And when you come, I'll say hello
No matter how many times you missed - the drum
Again, again, again.
It doesn't surprise me at all.
You are Humbert. Or Quilty, who knows. Am I Dolly though?

I know I have some wrong ways
but so do you, babe

I am at the beach - you are the water
soaking my feet and my legs
and I love it, but ah what comes after
Change something, it can't work other manner
I can't get out from your spell - but your water
has a bitter aftertaste

And here I am, talking to your walls
What am I running after, or running from?
Your kiss, let it rule and ride along
Let it seize, take control
But I can't hide the depth of what you make me feel
I love the ******* as much as the caress

I haven't forgot you a single minute.
Did you, did you?
But I can't go on the way we did
it will surely **** me
And it will **** the ****** flower
we killed ourselves

So again? No, not again
Not ever back there
But your kiss is powerful
like a thunder in the silence
like a furious frenzied tune
in the amidst of noises
that clears up the doubts
that sows thrills and chills
a call from the Devil
or God - I think it's God's

11 - lonely weird starving loyal obsessive
12 - denial rejected fighting mask all over me
13 - I explode, cannot hold no more. Hell begins.
14 - emo, doubtful, open. Wounds, scars of the soul all over.
15 - a pro, a loser, a loner. About to get lost. Over me, charms and curse.
16 - a wallflower in flowery shirt. Tranxilium pills. Hospital angels, a survivor in the make. Breathing slowly the air of life.
17 - at a fight, Courtney Lovesque. Afraid, angry, in love. Wounds bleeding, destroy my world. I walk, without aim. Sinning deep. Am I aware?
18 - I break down, no one picks up my pieces from the floor, so I have to do it on my own. Fearful, psychotic, fake, unable to breathe. Enigma to myself, cannot touch my flesh.
19 - the nebula grows, my mind drowns, to reach shores. Obsessive, perturbing, odd, dependent, byproduct of what?
20 - I've been polluted for years. This is the consequence: I break, once again. Seas of loneliness and meaninglessness.
21 - the truth spills out, cannot sleep with a corpse for life. I try to reach my core, at once. The word comes: schizotypal (not surprised at all)
22 - Humbert Humbert knocks again, and like a never dead nymphet I greet him. We fall in love again, silently, coyly, mysteriously. Pink haired spinster confused happy healing slowly do not disturb.my mind strangles me, but I am strong!
23 - my head sparkles in pink and so does my heart. My pen shakes. I laugh. Frisky, dubitative, poet, free.
24 - after the travel, I almost heal...

Iron branded we are, because of our heart
She read me quickly - I pulled back
She carries a life - and so do I
You think you are a broken one
But you haven't stepped on broken glass
Haven't been to our hidden land

Our land fed by secrets and truth
You don't wear a halo on your head
making problems, making sense
Taking all the people from you - away!
And it is our reality, our double edged sword
People instantly look away the moment we're told.
A name, a word - means so much
This secret - opresses my insides
The secret burns my throat
Let it out - I'm close...
but never enough

You think you are a broken one
But girl, you are far.
It hurts?
Only when we can't show our weird pattern
to the world

Our love is dying slow
I'm going back hell, going back home...

Can you swallow my bitter pill with me?
Else, I cannot do it
I'll be good to you, I promise
But stay with me...

I love you despite myself
I cannot sustain a relationship well
The queen of broken hearts
Won't someone please tell me what's wrong

My mind has broken again
My mind always gets her way

Poetry and love
they do not lie so far
I tried to secure you with tacks and nails
But will we slip, sleep away?

But I do love your face
in my own sickly way
It's all I can do
offer you my own crumbs

*Everyone's advice
it's starting to make me ill.

you hate us when we don't abide
you hate us when we do what you don't like
when reality is - you don't have our eyes
and despite your efforts, they shine

They wanted to **** us because
like a mirror to their hidden wrongs,
we showed them their own scars and burns

you robbed us from us
and you punished us with death
cloaked as care
and those who did, weren't there
They didn't get the gist, I guess
if only love here had crept -

why you deem me unworthy to be lived?
you don't know my Sun, how it is related
to my tears
You don't ******* know me, or what goes within
you take my words from my lips and twist it at your whim

if only love had appeared in the scene
not your weak, dispossesed pity, but a strong warmth feel

psychiatric care inmates, my dears
we are in the same ship
the only way out of here,
the way out from this ****,
is to show ourselves
we still live, we are here
take over their boring streets

You say we aren't human, sure we aren't.
We are the superhumans you were looking for,
but turns out, you were ******* blind.

We'll haunt you, those of us who got killed
by your cold hand, but many of us are still there
and better yet - Don't mourn us.
Just go out on the street and scream out, get drunk,
live up, recklessly ****,
the way we couldn't, for our mouths were shut down.

Alex of the twilight sits in front of me
In the twilight of his days,
just moments before his sunrise
-I bet-
And my soul is spilling as well as his
I don't know which way, though
He is opening his ******* soul!
(It took a shipwreck for him to do so)

His hair is long now
His heart is widened
If it only happened
some months before
But
no use in crying over spilt loves

And I am trying to push away
all the things brought back now
You are not dead - you are dying
Everyday and everyday, decaying

But I'd lie if I say I am deaf to your tones
To heal the wound you opened
that I stitched on my own
the scar is there
and this is stitching for its sake
it's opening the scab
to bleed once again!

You changed so much
yet you I can't trust
I flipped the page, why can't you?
I said hello to life
So my extra baggage I waved goodbye
You keep stuck to my side

Alex of the twilight, I am here, I am here
But this time - not what you think
I wish you good, even if good
is built upon our shipwreck -
that's kind of a truth
Life is not a line you can draw
life is a crazy sketch of torture and fun
and if you are lucky and smart enough
you can see the underlying pattern!
Yet it won't be the mind
opening the doors to your eyes
Life I can't measure with words
I'd rather do, do, do
and write while I stroll through.

To know I know now
and I pushed you away back then!
Like a little girl with the new toy
between my legs

To see the truth clear
that I love you, I think
but I do not dare say
now I know it is real

To have your vision blurred
by a million mists
yet knowing you've witnessed
something at last but not least!

To yearn for you in a way I had never felt
it breaks my heart, but I can cope well
I won't die anymore, but I can tell
if we don't survive, it will be a bit of hell
In fact, somehow it is, and has been
Paradise and hell - so close in a way

I don't want the past back. At all. I don't.
I want to create something that blows our minds.
Do you love me? (Or have I killed that)
Do I love you back? No anxiety, no fear of abandonment
this time?
Be careful - but do not fear too much
Beware - of yourself, but do not fret
Do not stifle yourself!
Stay tuned to the possibility of mess - but please do not stress

I am the alien from the 108
You are my cosmic bound
We met high up above
There is a layer of God on top
That's why this thread around our bodies
this golden thread that will make us choke

And sure I changed your life
and sure you changed mine
I am the alien from the 108 - pink hair
turbulent eyes, a explosion of chaos

Now we can really join - we are apart
This universal force takes a toll
on unexpected passengers in that road
those who live through it but did not know
Those who can see but are still small
smaller than the energy generated
that confuses and clears the vision field

Now I am broken down
and full throttle!
We are bigger than the world
we are fire, we are a unmissable link
this doesn't rhyme now
no need for it
we rhyme perfectly
our needs they used to meet
we rhyme to the point we bleed

What if I am an alien and this was merely an illusion?
What if I have been there the whole time
my skin still green and my feelings froze
no fireflies

What if I should stay in my room
and dream, dream of the world outside
because as an alien, I will never belong
Not my own

The wounds are all too deep
Being alive is too hurtful a thing

Yet there is a feeling of release
in being human for a while
there is something great
in being a part of this mess
There is beauty in being a part of this
I am all speechless

Poets - all of us aliens
Hands tied but eyes staring at the Sun

Did writing save or **** Virginia Woolf?
Me and my classmate are discussing today.
Oh, a bit of both.
I don't talk out of some theory - I talk because I know.

Because we come to be something
when we write
and we reformulate, magic of the mind
"Writing is contrary to life"
yet writing in every place lies
Writing is salvation
but do it the right way, find the path

Writing does you in
while floating in the flood you keep

I even see his face turn to grey
when he's away
How close did he draw me
in just 5 days
I cannot write straight
"he's so me, I cannot tell"
now he doesn't talk to me
when i've been thinking of him all day
and it drags me down, brings me down
the passing of time without him
this immobile motion of the night
it drags me down
the passing of thoughts in my brain
they get tired
I get tired too
but i am here, immobile too
clashing my world...
and now it changes, i see him again.
goodbye, strange emotion.
i hope to see you never again!

Angela and Lester
thought it was crazy, stupid, true love
spoiler: it was not

It was grabbing hold
of anything at hand
It was desperation
it was life stuck

In a parallel world
Lester isn't dead
and Angela is not under his embrace
not anymore, she's outgrown

Angela built a life with another man
And Lester and her still do chat,
they crafted something across time
it's not love, it's not lust
it's a weird connection that survives
we met when we were lonely souls
and now we're way less lost

When the angels spoke to me
They left a buzzing in my ears
They turned me upside down - maybe put me back where I belong
Such a deafening sound

Are they angels or demons - the voices in the head
Light and darkness - must learn to difference

I was in the train - when they spoke my name
Strangely calm, soft, me
Sacred preciousness of awakenings
God gave us reason, but he gave us our heart
And learning to use both in our whole life's work

The angels talk to me, they make me sing and cry for your love
Questions and revelations popped into my brain -
afterwards I was not the same, in a way
I confuse symbols, I take them as facts
I forget they are the ink with which we enhance our lives
Goodbye Móstoles, I might say
Not without a tear on my eyes
Maybe we were never meant to stay
A hickey, a laughter, but it's broken

When the angels talked to me
they made a mess out of me
left me thinking
of the possibilities
Your love stings and leaves an itch
How to run away from your lips? From your sweet touch?
I just cannot scratch easily

When the world opened its jaws
I sat there, no music, sweet, calm
Storm in a teacup

Please don't go back to your spells
Your saving, binding spells
You've gone so far, and further you'll go
just hear what you are saying
hear everything around

The waves roll, this I know
And it can’t be a sweeping feeling
every single day of the month, and
you’re away, but you’re close.
Life is not an endless amusement ride
but I need a tiny part of the rainbow we make
the minor waves are part of the sea the same
Still a voice in me yells:
Love me, love me everyday!

Do you, babe?

I told myself to chase poetry - my life's purpose
But something is dragging me - making me low
Handicaps and tests all along the road
things just froze

I am confused, utterly disturbed
The meaning of the lights and the signs
no longer I can describe

Only when I'm immerse in the pain
I can see where I must stray
only when I'm head deep in ****
I can speak, but I'm bound
It's painful to be caught
in this aphasia of thought
of the heart

This is life through a window pain
this is make believe living for amputated girls
never never succumb to its spell
you've already had this - you were living dead
remember those days?
So many words to say, which will indeed find their way
but maybe not today.

Can I run away from the ruin of us!
No, I cannot. I am hurt like a hunt deer
and we are dead so I live through this
I breathe through this. But I do not live.
But you haven't broken me - it was me

So here I am, an aphasic driver
trying to get to my destination
trying to understand
trying to roam again
so ******* misled
right is wrong and right is left
trying to steer the wheel
like I always did

Reality seems to divert and distort
- when you and I speak
I am confused and can't see straight
but reality never died away
him and me exist

He loves me - I love him back
So what? So what?
Armed with that peace
I will pave my way to the stars.

Everything's gonna be alright
I will slip through the cracks
to meet you at night
They never understood - it's okay,
I'm fine

Been blaming you all the time
for the things that really were mine
You would not swallow my pills
but it wasn't you somehow it was me

There is a question in the floor
the approval I need
is mine not yours

What drove me here to the stars
Was pure luck
Was nothing but a lack of fear at all
But I dared to roll the dice

I have no problems, I don't.
I wake up every morning and slay 'em all
But there is a shade in this canvas of doubt
I hadn't seen before

Something keeps me away
from stopping to be away
But it grows and grows everyday

I don't want this, do I?
Sitting in this corner feeling uptight
I am not like you at all
Sweet relief, being on your own

The approval I need
needs to go to hell
I never lived for it
I will scream my heart out
I will bask in the Sun

You are back
with a bag full of promises and things
My heart crunched
and i said, "nothing's wrong with this"
Reconcile shock, love, and bad memories
Reconcile who I was with who I be
But, oh you...

The spiral of life
I see in front of my eyes
Coming back and never ever going back
How to tell you where I was?
How to tell you about the black
dark
night
that covers and heals the soul
How to tell about blinding lies

That the danger of my past
might be knocking my door more than once
How to seal that door

Everything was set for you
to arrive
Here
You have all it takes
To arrive
There

(who knows how far?
no limits for you now)

The sweet irony,
The irony of fate
Paths and miles unknown
the irony never stops
You were not sure at all
you'd be here
But here you are, smiling big
drying your tears
everything is everything
you got this

Everything leading to this
magical moment of seeing

(God please give me a world of
******* and love)
Everything happened in order
to free your soul
I am a work in progress; but I am doing good.
Everything needed - to reach this particular spot

In art I found
my pain had a place in the world
and that way, it dissappeared,
it got blown
it got healed, even if slow

Art is not life
And life is not art
but hear me out

every true heart beat
and every fake one too
it's art you leave there
is it any good?

He opened my eyes
making me see the sewers of my own heart
He did nothing, I did it all
Artiom's spell made me see my faults
And I see, my own deep ****
My loose ends, my yearning to feel!
He did nothing, I did it all
Artiom's appearance - like a mirror to my soul
It's just a bell ringing - from the meaning of the world
It's just a reminder - be careful, watchful with the road
It's Artiom's presence
not himself, just a token from above
And I rise from the floor
And I can feel it flow
But I know this is not what I'm made for
It's just the message
sent tonight by the gods
Artiom - just six letters sounding good
Nothing more!

Life had began to flow, and you got used to
But here's the basal, hidden you, the source of your demons
Here's the knot, here's the doubt
Remember you were born in hell - but you left the place
And now home is your man's arms,
all the sweetness inside.
Home is where the heart is, even if it hurts.

My short skirt - not asking for it!
My lips in ***** red - not asking for it!
It was a hot day and I took off my clothes so I could breathe
but other times, I am hot and then
I need what I need...
(hard, throbbing, in me)

My ******* - not asking for it!
The way I walk along the street - not asking for it!
Except when I do...
and then,
you better feel me,
you better do me, boo.

I've been on the psych ward for years
Unaware of everything around me
Wasting my time on what was my ****
Away from the world, including my core
Now they allow me to go out
because I forced the doors
I simply had to allow myself to do so
I guess it was all according to a plan of God

Now I frantically try to live
Sometimes I just want to hide in me
I want a kiss but sometimes I want to disappear
All I can do is merely to be
I've got scars in my face but they are not me
And it's a big question everytime we meet
I am the mad girl, how do you feel?

Hell never fully went away
It just got hidden in the folds of my skin
I just don't want to move from here
because
it's all useless to me
Hell is the address where I live
It makes no sense at all I'm wasting my time
because I can't tell what I desire

I've got such a dark place in my head
***** all my glee and my progress?
Nothing seems to be really worth the pain
but what about the gain stemming there?
Time to move on, shed on the chains
If you need it, tell about your special ways
But you are really not all that much of an alien sight
You're just a hybrid form of life

A year since I first tasted life
No more filters or ghost kissers for me
A year since my body and soul were set on fire
In a long weekend's puddle, it came
It's my secret birthday
of love and pain
It all began with my glitter slippers in my feet
I walk the path of spring...
and its sunshowers
its storms
its weather...crazy

Thomas, go **** your self.
But you were the first.
I cannot forget.
Unworthy beginning.
A year since.

You're away so I'm back again

Guys from everywhere
Call out my name
While you're away
What do you do
when I'm not there?

In the bus, in the Internet, in the train
You opened the faucet, my love!
I was out! Now I'm not!
I'm back again!
They are everywhere
Wanting to get to know me well
Wanting to get inside my pants, yeah
To restart the process again...

The world in my hands today
But it's not like it was yesterday
I've been here, I could say
While you're away, I drown my head
in those streets of the world
paved within phones
"I vacuumed out my head
Jumping from bed to bed"
But my name's not Gretel
And I'm waiting for the phone to ring
I want it to be you, but surely it is him

The promise of love again
Can you reach that apple?
Is it too far away?

I cannot back down now!
Now Florence sings and it is clear to me
Things look shiny and new
But something is off, still
I cannot back down now

I got free from it
The moment I told you "this can't go on like this"
I cried like hell, but before this
I knew I could not carry that way

And yet, things might change
you might stay
"I need you to get away
while you stay", I said
But the world opened up to me
thanks to you, and without you too

You pull me, with a word
unexplainable attraction of the souls
might reciprocate with the bodies
or not
You pull me forth, and I fall
Fall from grace?
Nah, don't think so
but my insecurities were myself
not you

it's
just
one
thing
i cannot do

I cannot back down now
I cannot go back to a state
where my mind feels cloudy with life
But I know I cannot stay here
watching the time pass by

I'm back
Is this what I wanted
all this time?
Back to black, to quietness, to the messy,
to wire and desperation, tricks of the mind
To a pool of hidden confusion
to a wall in the heart

I'm back - you're gone
But it is not you, it's me.
I went back to my hole.
The hole ran back to me.

I've been a bad, bad girlfriend
I've sinned, I confess
I went a bit too crazy, it stopped being fun
and started being hell
(for you, and also for myself)
But I can't wait to be with you again
be redeemed in your embrace

I ran around and wreaked havoc
Because I was feeling so tense and unwell
Cried with the matches on my hand,
did and said stuff I regret.
No justifications for my deviations
what I did is not okay
there's no beauty in that
and you can shove it up your ***

And I will manage my difficulties this time
those I give myself so well.
And I tell myself, not to do this any of this
anymore, never again