I've acquired some bad habits
since we left
My soul has been ****** away
and so does my pain

I am enclosing myself
but isolation feels so well

I am crossing to the other side
the one that saw me come to life
Like a baby - my birth was hard to live through
and shocking and confusing and sad
but this time
it's a different kind of ride

It was easier to reach back in time
It came natural but it was limp inside
I never speak for others,
merely from my side
This paradise that feels defective
lacking shine
I am dragging myself down
I am starving myself - on my bones

I've acquired bad habits since we broke up
High on confusion, poetry and legal drugs
My space is being taken up
This witchcraft - this spell that's cast

And a line of meaning, the junction
struggles to be found
It comes, but it is too big to hold at once
He saw me come from the underground
He saw me spring and wrap him in my love
But it's not enough

I am dying and waking up at the same time
Crazy state of mind
I never stopped being such -

Do you want what I want
can we make it work?

I love (y)our bed,
and I have tried to get away
but I end up here
and so do you, it seems.
But the bed is a seed.
Sprouting something big.
The bed is the expression
of what lies underneath
**** mortgages and kids.
I want a lifetime of this...
of you and me

I want a lifetime of strolling down the street
with your hand in mine,
and you will give me a kiss
in the mechanic stairs
and when we are alone,
we will be unchained

You said I left a mark in you
a bite with my name all over
You made me express my whole;
you are my Lover

This is my bare heart
all I want from you.
All I want is the all of you.
To be joined with you,
to know you are with me.

Does this annoy you?
I am annoyed too.
And I will get more insistent,
the more you refuse.
(Of course you can say no,
this is merely explanations
on how my wretched heart works)

But this is my bare heart
I think I love you, I do.
I have big plans: do ya? do ya?
Let's keep on trying.
Let's say we do.
Let's take a ride together
as we used to

I've been here before
I've already sang this song
However, I float
still
it drowns

In the absence of love
in the amidst of chaos
in the throes of the heart,
I turn to Amy.
I drown.

He came to my brain
and I felt a kiss that contained pain. Strain.
I've sweat this before.
Am I a truth seeker
or a ******* one?

I could feel the fear
my million thoughts telling me
twisting me
confusing me

Some spark took the wrong track.
I can't trace well what happened then.
Disorder, disorder, disorder everywhere.
Sped up feelings, thoughts uncontrolled...
but not like the quivering fountain of love
more like a car crash.
I can't help but look at
(I am naturally attracted to the dark)

Terror, terror, misled.
He's no sugar - he is sweet sucrose
I can't think about none of them.
I'm in a catch, because of men.
I can feel reality dissolving itself,
not a good thing
Everything loses sense.
How many signals you need for this?
The sky opened, but hell yesterday did.

Beware of epiphanies
Beware of certain tears
Most of all, beware of yourself
beware your fears
"beware your subconscious
playing you tricks"

Fight fire with fire,
magic with magic

Girl alone, bored.
My father-lover is in the line
and he's all I need to smile
But...
there's a hunger in me
I got watching Torbjorn's pHotos and things
falling for teachers that barely know my name
A desire to rub, to feel
To venture that Deep. A desire to taste,
a desire to be.
Don't know what will be.
The body feels lonely, but so does the soul.
The room is turning empty; like the heart.
There's an excess of imagination in her bones.
She kisses their lips in her deepest swoon
And to come, there lie a few unknown moans

It was a suicidal act, a path to life.
What am I doing? I lost my mind.
but it's alright
I don't need it that much.

Got ignited in a Christmas night
Oh, oh, oh.
It's way too much.
Idle hands are angelic work.
This I know.

Before the war
the sun shone
somedays there are clouds
but that's life

Now we are in the war
I found the metaphor
ugly enough

No use in thinking about the world before
For now is all I've got
But history never hurts
and helps us see
where we are

Not all that sparkles and peaks
is it
Not all that happens
it's real
The whiteness took my limbs, and lulled itself
to sleep, to sleep, to sleep.

Reach yourself in the strangest ways
The weird, weird timing of days!
Pay no attention to your brain
It will try to trick you anyway
"Shut my mind", I say
Free my pathways
Free me from myself

beware of the silence
beware of the noise
distorting the sound

beware of your inaction
beware of the movement
paralyzing life

Beware of the past
knocking at the door
Beware of not being able
to handle it all
just give up, a little, give up
Beware of things
threatening you
with a smile on their face
Beware of yourself
the twisted, straight lines leading to hell
Topsy turvy ways
Beware of the games
(sometimes) of your head

Toll the bells!
because we are not anymore
what we were
our happy funeral
with uplifting songs
and heart taking hymns
with merry chants
with sweet Deep moans
with wide smiles
with tears dropping from our eyes
as we say goodbye
as I know we'll always love each other
as we taste the last time
as the city waves goodbye
a kiss in each corner, in each subway station
a remembrance - of what bloomed these days
But my past chases me
I chase my own steps
I am the wolf of my own dreams
I sacrifice myself to stay alive
But no longer
Stunted growth has to go
as I venture into the city lights again
the city lights that spoke your name
the things I will never forget
I might be back (I know this getting away is merely to be back)
but when?

I need to flee
to find out
who I am meant to be

I ain't been listening to Bikini ****
in my bedroom for nothing!
Because, you know - you are not winning
This time, I am not the girl I used to be
You'll have to seek me if you want to fight me
Because I won't be there
I will be gone away - and I will be present
as I've never been

This is for the *******
for the demons
This is for the bad fathers
This is for the misfits out there
This is for us, you know who you are

This is for myself
do not forget what makes you shake
This is for myself
Girl hold on some days more
and you'll have it again...

We could learn to be friends, I guess
But we'll have to learn to live first
without kissing each other's lips
This spell over me
binding me to men I know in strange ways
but never allowing me
to touch too much
close enough
to feel their breaths
but far enough
so I remain untouched
unhurt
unfelt
unenhanced
like about to arrive to the coast
but still lost in a furious sea

This is my binding spell
I'm bound to it till...
when?

Old *****, please!
she is a queen!
she gets what she wants
because she doesn't try hard
I've been her - and I am
The power lies in all of us
can I fetch her now?

Old ****, I am
won't give my heart to no man
but in the shadows and the night
Have you tasted honey dear
did it leave you dizzy?
I got deviated from me

Where does this lead?
I scream, I scream, I scream

Because I had it all once upon a time
except a clear and healthy mind

And you can call me ****, if you want
and you can say whatever, put me down
but I will fight till my knuckles bleed
to taste the freedom and the truth
bleeding from such breakthrough

Bite the hand as soon as you can!
Do not let anything hold you down
Bite the hand feeding you lies
the hand that caressed you when you were a child
but turned oppressive when you grew up
and you became conscious of what the world is like

Do not stay thankful, unable to open your eyes
Bite the hand and join me in the bad daughter band
Bite the hand and be not a respectful one
The heart speaks; it sees for miles
Bite the hand that feeds you psychic death
Be not sorry; we all thrive to be alive

Because dying your hair on Monday morning is good, but
we could have been friends but you didn't want to
Bite the hand, do not hurt sadistically with your sharp teeth
but run away, steadily and clear

Bitter taste in my mouth
Growing like **** rather than grass
You love me but just in your bed
It's what I fear
what holds me still

No one will shut me down
Not a lover - at all
I need to get this off my chest...

Bitter to see
how we drift apart
And it breaks my heart
Probably it's just my mind
But I am justifying you all the time

It hurts...to be away
Shame on my name
Must I endure this hurricane
Will we be destroyed or will we walk out sane

I need you, close to me
The words choke, dying on my throat
Digestion gone bad, you pay the toll
In your hammering thoughts
Growing anxiety, the wrong side of love

It stirs me - the whole thing
Always sweating a fever - or feverish
We are good, I must learn to see
The devils calling out my name
Are not voices to believe

I love you to death
Into your hand - I melt
I am like sweet buttercream
to your kiss

It hurts, it hurts, it does
being with you but
I think it's myself instead
My insecurities pile, they take it away
Bitter candy today

Why do I rush to the saddest songs I know?
Why do I want to cry - but so happy at your side
Why do I get so uptight - knowing we are right?

I know I get so tiring
even to my own ears!
Can you chew this bitter cupcake
Can you take all I am including what makes me undone
The knife has some blood
the cupcake has a heart!

And I look back
and everything's fine
I will learn the heartbeat
to life and dance steadily to it

My whole life is to be dissapproved
by you; or rather, misunderstood
I am a black sheep; but I'd rather be pink

It began at 11 with my friends and my silence
and the very little I said, you were unable to interpret
it began with coming home crying on the bus
it began with fears you could not handle
it began with me seeing the world further

it continued with me sleeping late
with my songs that spoke of a pain
whose source you could not trace
it continued with me loving girls
it continued with being a Courtney Love fan
it continued with a bad romance with an older man
it continued with me completely going nuts
and i wanted to stay with you, because you were all I knew
but your evenings at Vips were slowly killing me
I could not see. I could not see

and it goes on and on
and it doesn't hurt anymore
because I'm 27 and grew strong
but it carries on, when you don't love who I love
when my style strikes you as pedophilic flair
when you hint me a ***** - and say I don't act my age
And it's our contract; we love each other
even if we never meet each other's eye
And I've been walking long for now
and I know better:
it's my fate. I can pretty much take.
One has to fight for his art. What if your art
is your life?

I am like bleach
Men speak my name
they fall for me
I happily follow
it's hard to say no
and they don't know
they are going to get burnt

I am like bleach
slowly making a place for me
The hunger turns to bleach
I am not sorry for being myself,
but all those stains...
How can i stop this from happening
I am bleach, but I can be non-harming
The bleach reaches your soul
Oh God! Holy wAter cannot help you now

But being I bleach myself, I also get the stains
the pain

The doors have opened wide
in front of my eyes
I see a future bright and scary
I have to step inside

I will never forget the days I spent with you
I won't forget you were the first to see through
I won't forget your sweet love and *** in Berlin
In fact me and my hand haven't so far

But I have to say
it's getting too much to stay
too much pain too much nerves
And I don't want anymore to depend
I feel a peace I can't explain

Can we solve it?
Can we keep on trying?
or is it reckless senseless persisting?
What do I want? I need your body close
Without you I'm an empty box
You are the distiller of my thoughts

But I see, I need this to be
I gave you too much of me
To the point where I would break you
I've got a vision I can't see
But I have to try at least

How to say goodbye
when the gods whisper in your ear
and you still love the guy?
I want to cry in your arms
over this beautiful mistake
will meet you again in another life

What if there is only back to black without
It's not okay using you as my layout
Am I simply entertaining myself too well?
If I do, why do I want to stay there?

I feel vertigo
it seizes my guts
yet I know this is life
what I dreaded for so much

Blood, blood in my hand
blood in you, blood from my insides
Just a little broken vessel
Something I cannot seem to grasp

Blood, blood - because love hurts
The art of self-**** - I am really good at it
A fly hovers over my head
It's the blood I have shed

And it is a reminder, of the intruder to yourself
And it is fear, but still a symbol to me
Blood scared because I am the girl that bleeds
Unexplainable facts for unexplainable feats
(I don't know where this leads).

I cannot seal the pact
My body gets in the way
My body has something to say
But my body follows no line
it is an alien to itself
My two poles fighting - shouldn't be this way
My mind is not mine - it does what it doesn't like
I cannot understand, I cannot understand

Awhile, the blood pours out.
"I hope it stops".

Blue-eyed dream
tastes like candy, looks so sweet
but my teeth rot because
it's not him

Who invigorates you after the dark
who kisses you in forlorn alleys
who lights up your fire
who do you think of at night -

The dark waters I know
the sweet moments I hold
He's pure light, he's love
Yet something is off

And when the former He I kissed
I simply exploded, fire works in me
He's a dream, I can't even think
but he's a fantasy - it is not real

Who is real, though?
Which is the path I need to take
not to stay in this ache

Oh man you hurt me so much!
I love(d) you so ******* much
But you got stuck, you froze
I got anxious, heavy, lost
But I can't stop thinking about us
Are we called to our Judgement?
Are we the Sun again?
Are we becoming the World?

He's good, he sends some chills
But he is not you, not as quick
the hit!

Love - the word to ban
Love - the thing to work out
Love - the solution, the knot
Carry it in your pocket, run away from love!

Do I have to die again
or will I simply regenerate -
shed my skin day by day
till a new me does emerge
and feed forevers for myself

The world you created
isn't the real world
there is a bridge between them
but it's not the whole

I have these realizations now
I am under the effect of blurry stars
And tomorrow us...
I will rise
I've been rising all along
The truth always wins
Time to wake up
Please not that suddenly -

I don't understand the union between
mind and body
spirit and matter
but i became closer to it
the time you did that to me
I don't understand the heart
it is a strange machine to put to work
but the most natural of them all

I want all of you with me
but there's a wound in me
I need to get healed
and it was your fingertips
the meds
not his

my cheap thrill
got asleep in his arms
while reminiscing about you
he's not scary now
you never were
it was me
now i'm between two waters
and you call me like the sea
two ways to roar
two ways to live
but the same scheme
over and over again
But in the end
it's you

I am a bodyless woman

The other bodyless women
and me
talk
We were DOA before anything begun
Our bodies, tying us down
Our bodies, the key to being unbound

It hurts so much
to see both sides
not just mine
to see him hurt at my closed gates
the frustration, pain he gets
You could have his world in your hands
the tension's heavy you could cut with a knife
But love sometimes is not enough
not enough
to defy
life's tough

And my pain, too.
Another man I'll lose.
His desire runs Deep
as deep as my anguish
The waters roar I am on I feel the tickling of love
the love below
but the wound doesn't heal so far

I got obsessed
with ***
so it got erased
The bodyless women we are
A bodyless woman I am
I've been on an exile from my own self.

The bodyless women - take my hand
Heal our minds - our body will follow
The bodyless women - being a spirit can be hurtful

Everything's quiet but there's a beat below
Bonsai girl

The world seems beautiful today
My clothes are weird that's what they say
But I have never felt so great

I doubt all I am everyday that comes
Some spirit opened all my doors
Strange behavior but so much love
Green Day albums and stuff

For the first time in my life
Things do not hurt so much
Unlearn all the **** I've learnt
******* myself to survive then

It's just
there is a light in my tunnel
there's a lantern in my heart
It seems to take away all the dark

She's beating because she's all she is
and she does not
She's crying, she's breathing, she's loving
She doesn't know but she thrives
on the little things of life
Because that's all she can touch,
all her branches can reach so far
(but it's more than enough)
Pills and new friends and sleeping after lunch
Bonsai Girl of her class

Psychotic philosopher on the make
A man is whispering her name
And the thought is making her wet
Can her little frame
take this wave

She's a Bonsai Girl
and she's beautiful
but she's bound yet
The past is only the past
but sometimes it hits me with strength
And I can feel the old things
As they were.

This is where dreams get cut at the root
but never die, the seed is alive
This is where it all began
But you can't grow up
You're just a Bonsai girl, stuck

This is where it all died
much before it could start
I can't recognize a single store
but I do remember the places where I broke

I remember the rhythm between life and death
That royal panic attack, me and that girl,
in the room, out of our breath.
Storms about to come, promises going on
I remember being sweet 16 so in love with him
Teachers hating me but wanting me to **** them
(I bet they did, I was the hottest,
and what to say about that cleavage I rocked
at the prom, yet so terrified of warmth)
I remember to kick the closet with a ****** Mary looking at us
Those years where it all shook up

These years where we watched MTV
And yearned to be slutty freedom drunk chicks.
These years of pink pills and being too thin.
These years where we were not free at all -
but we struggled ******* hard
Kissing dudes and breaking rules -
These years that I erased with all my strength
when I erased myself

Growing up, growing out
is so hard
because you have to break down
the *** where you grew up
the *** you were placed on
A bonsai that might end up on the psychiatric ward
feeble, lost, not knowing her true call:
A big tree that they try to contain,
not aware of the harm
But life always wins, if you just let it come
(I am beautified, the sea flowers on my crotch)

What feeds me is death to your eyes
But my diet makes me gleam and shine
Can I put up? Can you take that?
Can we coexist? Do you see my branches
big, healthy, beaming with the Sun's fire?
My private glow, you can only see the rays
but it's enough for me, I want nothing else.

Bored - of all this ****
Please God free me
Give me what I need
I'm on my toes, you see?

I am tired of waiting
Of nervously pacing
around the house
around my head
I have marks in my wrists
still I break the chains

I am bored
I am ready to burn
in a free release
form
Let me break
Let me become

I am bored
but not ready
to give up

What if this is borrowed time?
I had none to call mine
Had too many hours
in the waiting rooms of life

Maybe I had none to call mine
None that I could grasp
for years and years of silence
with peaks in the dark
filling peaks of light

But what about the little explosions
everything coming alive
What about the ******, the blossom
Sitting is not motion!
what about coming together for once
What about the smile in your face?
Because if this is not my time
then whose is? tell me, what?
What is this I had?

Am I living borrowed time
Am I made to pine, to pine, to pine?

His smile is wide - he does as he likes
he's not like the rest but he couldn't care less
He's me, if I ever was unbound
He's unbound - that's why he smiles so much
He's been heard - when he dwelled in hell
He's loved! He's beautiful! He's true!
He's free like the wind and no one clips his wings
(but I am untying my strings
no matter how strong blows the wind)
Unlike me, the broken bird
writing a poem about a guy I met.
He's just a man. I make the rest out of him.

I'm tongue tied and hand tied
I was warned this morning
"You went too quick, too far"
A rainfall on me that doesn't wash up

Can you hold me now I'm down?
I'm bitter, bitter to the core
Can I hold on to you?

The last time I was in hell
it was a long time ago
I just can't put up with it anymore
I have to rip this out from my soul
I have to recover my own
Tear it off from me
whatever it is

I just want to be with you
will I ever allow myself that

I'm happily unhappy
I cannot take the smile from my face
although my soul is corroding
I am falling down

I have a pain in my chest
I do not know what it is
I know you make me feel alive
and therefore the wound hurts

Last time I was in hell
I remember well
I cannot go back in my steps
How easy writing poems
How hard to live through them

He broke me whole
put my pieces back in with a blow
He broke me whole
Suddenly I awoke

He broke me whole
showed a side of me I didn't know
Cold winter, the fire has to break out
He put me on the road
but first, he broke me whole

And no I don't thank him for all the **** he's done
And I know well it ain't love
Not even lust!
He broke me whole
the eternal me forming out of the dust

He broke me whole
but ah, I was the bubble to burst
He did nothing at all
I did it all on my own
I broke myself whole
to rearrange my heart
Love always will tear you up
so you can see what's up
Love is like a kick inside
making sense of what never had
Love is speechless. Like heavenly white.
All word-pregnant, no need to pour out.

Another broken Saturday
I remember when all your time was for us
I remember no strings attached
You're slowly getting bored of me

Another broken lonely Saturday
I won't try to act something I'm not
I miss you and it's what it's this about
I'm lonely and it's because of you
Your watered-down Emojis, all the things that I read

Why won't you talk to me
where do we lead, where do we go
from here
What do you want from all of this?
What is the natural progression of it?
I want you, I want you but I love you even more
Can't you see what I'm feeling now

Meeting in the morning to have ***
Your interest in me sometimes I certainly think has changed
I remember all our plans
Watch out for the signs, Cosmopolitan warns
It's bringing me down, it's tearing me apart

But you must have the ***** and guts
to tell me what's up
If something's wrong
I won't be your *****
Will I?
I will be anything for your love

I can't see the Sun as clear, yet it shines
I feel left alone, yet I'm not
I can't see what I love in my face, yet it is there
I can't touch what I want (you my heart)
yet it didn't die...

Keep casting spells on the walls of the jail with songs
Keep waiting for better days to come
Yet, nothing is wrong, just cloudy weather
but no storms

Carry on with this little burden of mine
That I will carry on for you
to relieve you from the weight
I know you love me, but you are away
Like the Sun on a rainy day
It might be mock darkness,
but it freezes all the same
I know you love me
,though, so I endure
the winter while I wait

Burn!
Burn bright and be a flame

(sure it will make some scared)
Destroy the fetters around your neck!

Fire - the element of warmth
It burns, it burns, in a blaze
or in your home fireplace
but still the same,
does not lose its strength
Domesticity is only learnt
Domesticity - one of my many shades

Take scraps from everywhere,
build yourself with the ashes left
(a rascal with a golden heart)
Burn the chains! Let their shedding
illuminate the way
Dance between the smoke, please don’t choke

Create from your inner heat

unmeasurable degrees

be fed by the world’s steam

Burn everything you need

Give that fire to what makes you feel.

Yeah, buzzin'
Like me at 14
Everything growing and withering
Violent bursting

Buzzin', but...
About to die?
I hear the drums
A symbol, life
To my eyes?
How to read the signs
Hardest task

I fear the past
All the happiness truncated
Again
By facts, by life getting
In the way

I cannot touch the core
Today
Will it be closed? Not as long as I remain here

I was sick today
you were sick too
Sick us two

But lying in your arms while sick
is pure pleasure to me
instant healing
or at least instant relief

Do you love me the way I love you?
First it was good because it was ******* breathing
******* true
The pain, the pain in me
I do  not know why I get so sick
To know I wish

But have no doubt inside that I love you way too much.

We bought a dream
at the candy store
-custom made-
It had our names
a promise of what could be...
We wanted to believe. We did.

we wanted to belong
we wanted it to work
we are so pathetic
we need to ******* stop

Candy coated is our kiss
but what lies underneath...
it's nothingness, it's the steamy core
to the bliss what you miss!
(I miss it too, indeed)
It's not surprising you did
what you did
our kiss lacks fundamental things
You rush to other chicks
I rush to him

But what do we do, what do I do?
With all this sweetness towards you
it doesn't turn me on, but I do love
your pretty face...the way you walk

If my mind was sane, and so were my heart
You would be the one, you would be the one
But we're all mad here - you know, right?

I don't want you the way I should
and you neither do
so what we are here for?
virginal marriage,
satisfying our parents dreams?
that's what is wrong with this!
Our dream is empty
like rotting candy
Substanceless like careless romance
Tasteless like bland songs
Blood injected with desires
of a life looking good, but no juice!

But it always was
it has to die quick
it has to be ripped off.
What are you here for?

Reason won
(it is just an undercover heart)
No more venomous cupcakes
stuck on my throat
Making me gasp, like an ******
that will **** me at last

And I can't complain really
The Sun shines, then it hides
I see the light in the darkest times
And smiling is a habit
you pull when it looks bleak

My doubts they block and litter
But I live for the head lights to flicker
Don't **** them
Ditch the poems and the love
Just burn
Learn to do it, love

Honey, honey, honey
I sing thee in the spare time
I sing the eternal
I had you last night
Will I get you back?
Please, please, please
I need the Sun to shine
I need my-our steamy nights

I gained my world -more than enough-
Every step I take makes me lost

But I can't complain
my life simply goes -sometimes-
simply well
So keep in mind
when things are not that right
Struggle for the Sun
sitting on the floor

He says "Can we meet?"
And the drums of doom
the possibility of sweet sin
blur my eyes, make me dream in the daylight
But what about that?
I've been feeling wrong
so he turns up at the gates of my world

A certain drum roll inside of me
A song I know from years ago
I am not supposed to dance to it
I don't even like the beat no more
But God I am stuck
And I fantasize about his lips on mine
now it's drought time
about he would tell me
Dear I always loved you
I cannot keep to myself
all the things you make me feel
both heart and body

It's a male siren's song
It's my personal devil's call
But I light up and I fall
I'd better simply ******* to his thought
But it simply pops and stings with no content
yet he poisons my heart
Yet it is not their fault
I threaten to go dry again
But I will flood the doors open

He stirs the poetry in me
does he distill?
I got rid of him
but he is a cotton cloud, is he the Sun?
I claimed he was one

He was everything
now he is just something
and we are moving
towards something, whatever it is
budding

He says "eat me"
like a cupcake for sweet teeth
I don't really want him
I am stuck
I needed poetry
to realize my luck

You are a fantasy
but you are deadly
You are a reflection of me
but the love and the days we shared,
they were ******* real

can you see me?
because
in front of you
i don't dare to speak
but can you feel
my silent rebellion seep?
if you won't be here
I want you to
at least not interfere

[Hey you lover!
No one laughs at me, or my heart, that ugly way -
I felt misunderstood, pushed away - ]

I know you'd hear me blabber about this
but what would you do after it?
Would you think "she's so mad" -which of course I am-
Would you kiss me, would you let me fall apart?

Can you see me?
CAN YOU TWO ******* SEE ME?
The same way I see you, dears?

Can you see my wounds?
Can you lick them - help me to
Normal people - you will be my death
Deep, selfish lover - you will be my end

And where do I run now
the void crushes my soul
No one loves this crazed up lass
Who woke up to life with a notebook in hand

Can you grab me?
Can I grab you?
Can I go further - can you walk too?
Which one of you, if at all you?

And I am again in the verge of tears
oh, sweet glassed man, are you the one?
That's my blessing
that's my curse
I don't want to rot away
why do I do?

I woke up this morning
feeling so odd
half bad, half good
all full of doubts

Change, I have to change!

Change because I can't stay
this way till we break
Our love is too great
"Our love defies understanding"

And get high on raw ***
and raw love
I have a thousand words
and a flickering, strong
feeling in my bones

Go ******* deep!
Sail on your ship!

This chapter draws me in
I can't say no to it
It looks exciting and dangerous
(like everything that's worth it)
I fell so many times before this
but I rose before, too
so keep that in mind

The biggest blessing came
falling from the sky like holy rain
when you expected no blessing at all
When you simply rocked to world's pace
Struggling and smiling, (yes, yes)

I have to affirm this force within
It comes and seizes me in crazy moments
(God likes to laugh)
Get away from my dying patterns
The night is mine, and so is the day
I just have to know where I aim.
But again, then...
I will be shown the way
It makes my pulse shake
My eyes squinted and cannot see well
Why I see stars when in the dark?
Maybe it's the way it must be, lass

Go for them open ***** hole girls,
go for wild long nights of ***
For their throbbing fingers and love
once I gave to you

Go for all the Tinder girls that were before me
Go for fully blown life
Go for all the girls that can fulfill you
Girls not loving psychotically as I do
Girls whose clock is not ticking away in a countdown to hell
Girls not in love with the darkness, like I
Girls who don't bet all they have to you, their one card

Go for the life, cheat on me baby
I fully will understand
I already do.

"Choose life", but what is more vital?
To follow the dead beats of biology
or go seeking a star?
or face death bravely?

Life is saving your neck
and those you love to death
Life is not selfless,
unless selflessly you live

Life is not easy
Life is an affirmation daily

"Choose life", they say
But no one would win
And beauty is always different from
bourgeoisie's
And I have this fear deep down in me
And I need an excuse to shake it off
Choose the bright side
and never be sorry about
life is beyond words

All the energy gone!
No matter what you blast in your earphones
The doors could be open
it's up to you to close them

You've been derailed
walking exactly where they want you
and you feel so nervous
patterns that **** you and save you

You've been here before
This Christmas pain is a lot
IDLES won't save you so far
Not if you leave yourself out
and start wandering again
in the high street
Remember when you were 19?

It's a wrong move
it's a loose *****
But I will fight this, I do
Just need a little time
to do what I do

It's the scariest ride
it's the darkest side
The beat of past lives
past reactions, past ones
and it all began
with a *****
falling loose

Did something die?
If so, what it was?

Watch the city breathe heavily,
she's excited, yearns to live
I can feel it in the faces of those
around me, and also
in this intense craving I've got
the Christmas chiaroscuro,
these lights beaming in the dark
because today everything is warm
There is a beauty about today
Channeled through my guts

I am about to burst
in gleam and shine
and a certain burning desire
And everyone is under the same sign
or is it me, letting out my inner stars?

Feel your lips on my neck,
a tiny taste of our hidden heaven
**** on your Oreo milkshake
good metaphor for the day

And you do help to feel the beam
but the beam is growing everywhere!
inside of myself

Watch me going to sleep
in the embrace of your kiss
in the embrace of the eternal
Christmas glee, our will to be
despite the tragedy we're in

There is something sickening about Christmas
On the edge between tears and bliss
Not being able to fulfill what I need for real
"December" by Ben Gibbard and stuff
every Christmas it kind of comes back

If you leave me
I can already read it
Messages with the "seen" infamous tick
It's my Christmas omen
Coming back at me
My Christmas fear
A perfect timing for the perfect pain
The most crippling one, meant to be today
Lonely, confused, torn in two

There is something threatening about Christmas
Hidden in subterfuges and empty laughter
Filled with air
A hint of loss, with all meanings of the word
something dangerous grows in my soul
I kick it with my boots, but it scares me as the first one

There is something fearsome about Christmas
The pain that all might (in fact it does) go wrong
By your hand, my broken heart
My broken mind, that? I can do alone
There is something dark about Christmas
Something blind and shapeless but existent
I can't even begin to explain
I simply sweat it away
I simply fight it away
I simply survive
Sometimes it hurts...every now and then

But...the lights in the street
The people smiling, in the periphery of my eyes
The periphery is all, encompassing the whole
But...I am coming alive
Your love, your kiss does
Sweetest thought of this menacing season
for this girl that writes

Amy: I have never drowned like you
But in fact, all of us have done too
Amy - take me to the center of brokenheartedness
fly with us to the core of the problem
You are my shadow, what I should never be
You are there for me! Dead only in flesh

It's all there in your lyrics: in your voice
The pain of love, sharper than anything else.
The chaos of the heart!
You are a friend and a cautionary tale
How you destroyed yourself.
How you loved so intense
How much you resemble, at times, myself.

You had to look in the eyes of the devil
every day;
You took too deep a dip in the waters of life
Wrong bay, wrong place!
You died for us, so we didn't have to suffer
You already suffered for us to be saved.
You are no Christ;
But you shine a light - through tears and ache

And I pray to never be you, we never want to be you
But we run to your songs, when the weather's not good

I woke up this morning
Clairvoyance
everything falling into place
Feeling so full, so great

It was your kiss
it was your body all over me
it was - reality
it was - a fantasy
it was - everything

Clairvoyance - I never wanted him
I don't need anything but this
This hunger gets met
How good it felt

I woke up this morning
And all I felt was your breath on mine
It wasn't real, but I can feel
for miles

Clairvoyance - you and I
Clairvoyance because you fill me up
Clairvoyance because I ******* can

What is God's plan now -
how are things going to turn out
Some cleansing, after all

Psychosis is the cleanser of the soul
But I don't feel I've been unclean
I am in fate's hands, I've always been
Go deeper, till I find me
Sweat this fever, if such thing
(Take it easy, never entangle this)