I tried to get better
but with each pound comes a binge
and everytime my demons tell me that 104.8 pounds is too much.
"You're 5'8"" they say "You need to keep losing weight. Just because you're on the taller side doesn't give you an excuse to be fat"
So I binge.
Part of me is hoping that this time I throw up blood.
Blood is what keeps me alove and maybe if I keep throwing up what keeps my heart beating this will be the last binge, the last time I ever have to feel like this.
At least if I died, I would weigh a pound lighter.
I'm losing hope.
Everything is falling apart.
I don't want to live if my mind is only consumed by whats killing me.

Do you remember
The days we spent
Together in September
And all that it meant
and in this solitary moment
Makes me miss you
Makes me forget I'm not broken
I'll take every second or an hour or two
I'm waiting for your call
Just like when we would meet
I'm waiting for your call
It's on replay just like when we would meet
I'm waiting for your call
Butterfly
It's your call
My early summer
Your call

There were no days
There were no nights
Eighteen months was nothing
And it was eternity
Sixteen years of thought trapped in circuitry
A spinning galss ball
Shattering inward,moment by airless moment
But everyone says, DON'T TELL
How can I not?

That sort of song
does not recollect the shadows of passion
                                                            it is