S - Hello Poetry

S Aug 2014

i choked
on the smoke that curled in my throat
like a monster
purring
destroying my insides
(like you).

i always wanted to smell like cigarettes and loneliness
but this angry beast
is all i can have.

S Jul 2014

not

love is not beauty
red wine
sappy poetry
or violin solos.

love is not kind
forgiving
helpful
or unselfish.

love is not love songs
chocolate cake
candlelit dinners
or moonlight dances.

love is not tattoos
kissing scars
getting drunk
or loud music.

love is not angry ***
lacy underwear
three a.m. escapades
or furious kisses.

love is not hard rock
heavy metal
sid and nancy
or broken dishes.

love is
quite simply
n o t

S Jul 2014

6:14 a.m.

it's 6:14 a.m. and i'm sitting on my terrace thinking about death.

i'm sorry for all the times my morbidity has brought you down
i'm sorry for all the times i've held onto your hand so tightly
my nails have pierced through your flesh.

i am afraid of letting go, you see.

even more afraid than i am of death
even more afraid than i am of actually holding your hand in the first place.

your tongue is like a razorblade when you tell me to leave
(that i am bringing you down)

i am sorry, darling.

did you know that the average human takes 8,409,600 breaths a year?
more than 7,000,000 of my breaths were filled with you.
did you know the average human being breathes fire zero times a year?
i'm sorry for constantly setting fire to your heart
and your lungs.

it's 6:15 a.m.
and i have nothing to think about but death.

#death #morbid #sorry

S Jul 2014

porcelain

day after day ticks by as i sit on the shelf
head held high with pride
cheeks pink
lips rosy
hair gloriously golden.

i am the epitome of grace
i am beautiful
i am perfectly proportioned
i am everything you want to be
and more.

i can be a goddess
and you will no longer be godless

let me sit upon your mantelpiece
your table
your bookshelf
so you can tire of me in a year
(perhaps two)
and I will lie on the ******* heap with candlewax and rotting vegetable peels
staring blue-eyed into nothingness.

*(you are nothing without me)

#beauty #porcelain #doll #standards

S Jul 2014

certainty.

one day
i will hold you in my arms
and know that the world will not be ripped out from under my feet.

(at 3 am when the dragons of my past beckon to me
and engulf me in flames
i laugh and embrace them because
they will always be there for me)

don't weep for me
my love.

one day
you will not have tears in your eyes
when you ask me
why i cannot stay.

S Jul 2014

*****

I revel in the scent of bubblegum from your hair.

it will be cold tomorrow when you exhale your morning puffs of smoke and
it will be cold today when you slap me across the face.
it was cold yesterday, too.

today you are bubblegum
and I want to keep you forever and ever and ever

two days from now
you will sit in this chair
and you will not be bubblegum.

you will be whiskey and rye
you will be loud and angry and red red red red red red red
and I will be.

S May 2014

for you.

hello, my little moon rock, my crazy diamond, my fighter.

I know you know what it feels like to have thousands and thousands of fragments ticking away in your chest, pumping blood to a body that doesn't want to be anymore. I know you've felt your throat collapse from when your lungs felt like they were drowning and suffocating in themselves. I know you've felt your mind disappear, fragment by fragment, memory by memory. I know you've known what it's like to wither and disappear into yourself. I know. you know. we both know how you've drawn yourself into the deepest recesses of oblivion. and we both know you need to come back.

fight.