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acacia Jul 2020
G C BM EM
Oooh
and i'm wanting you so bad F
i wish you knew what i had  C
and it's making me so mad E7
that you'd rather be cloaked and heavy clad FM

don't you want to be free? C
don't you want someone like me? E7
i've got it all that you want! F
i feel this i dont mean to taunt E7
noo i dont mean to taunt AM
its what i (E7) want
i want you to trust (EM)
me (F)


ooo
it's driving me mad F
i cant show it, i act glad C
i keep up with this scnee E7
but your voice turns red to my cheeks FM,
how long must i wait? E7
i keep marking off all these  dates F

don't you want to be free? C
don't you want someone like me? E7
i've got it all that you want! F
i feel this i dont mean to taunt E7
noo i dont mean to taunt AM
its what i (E7) want
i want you to trust (EM)
me (F)
acacia Jan 2023
Make you beg for it:

But as someone said once: a militant black Madonna with the ‘fro, with the bush hair, the bush ‘doo – a black Madonna, golden grills and hot like lava, angels sing that I’m the heiress to the son of David – butterflies vast to my hair, lavender coils around my cobalt body, cerulean clouds echo into ultramarine, ultra-rays
acacia Aug 2022
i want you to tell me you’ll never do that again
i want you to tell me in your words that i’m the most beautiful to you
i want you to tell me in your words that now it’s just me, that now it’s only me
tell me over and over again
convince me of it
convince me that it’s just me
convince me that’s it’s only you and i
convince me of it
make me feel it
convince me
acacia Mar 2021
I read to him and tell him to be the sea
he says he is always moving and he knows where he is going and it is clear—
I ask him what kind of ocean he is;
in the middle of the ocean or on the shore —
he says he is going to the shore,
he doesn’t need to think of what he is because he knows where he is going —
he always knows where he is going;
and for the moment I returned to being human again,
I yearned to be the one who rode his wave—
then I took an exhale and my flesh fell into waves
acacia May 2021
I would never let something take away the feel of your eyes in the evening
pressing our bodies against trees and you swallow my lips with yours
in the simple ways you brush against my skin
smiles and grips of my waist with your hands
she sweeps gently over the nascence of our infancy-love
between the chained vision of my eyelashes
you rest there with that look and with that privacy before longed for
the summer's sweat dries on us and I let your breath fly over me
and just for this once, and many more once's after this, I let your hands touch my face
acacia Jan 2023
when I came here today

I saw light coming through the windows and I missed it

a pause --



all I did , was wait for her , to exit and leave with , her kid .


when you came back today, all  I wanted to do was run , to you , and hug you .

I'm red - eyed 'cause of my insufferable nightmares that happen in the day time because I think too much about how I look and how I want to mold myself to be the one you love even though I have all of your love sometimes I just want to be me'


be more ,be more , be more , than I am, than you want: so I can always have you , be more be more, be more be more, be more, be more be more be more than I am, beyond me, beyond you, beyond anyone: It's from a hole in me, my love, don't you know? the hole in me , the hole in me
acacia Sep 2020
to bang against his chest like a door
rain streams down my cheeks evermore
his eyes turn gray for a storm
fixed woman, there’s no way to get through to me
holds me guarded, he moves me like a puppet
acacia Jun 2021
He never lets me in
and when I sneak inside at night
and his eyes are open when he
sleeps because he is paranoid
and a light sleeper; I take the knife and hide it behind my back
do you see me now?can you see me in this light?is it the light too dark?
but when I hear a little laugh from the window-side,
and a figure running by the closet: panic hides in my chest,
and time seems frozen forever, waiting for the moment to pass: sugar creeps from his sleeping eyes,
roused to livelihood and dewdrops dribble down his chin:
creeping away, I run, faster than before:
I did this only so I could come inside whenever I wanted
but he's no longer home
I gain traction and my scarf covers my ears
temples sweat with isolated rivers down my cheeks, onto my chin, chinstrapping as it flows to my belly button
only to collapse beneath me, my knees sink into rocks embedded in concrete: her colorful hair whirs in my sight, )he was never home)
now I'm scared—does someone understand how hard it is when you're running this fast to find someone to hold your hand
and her mischievous grin kisses me on my open mouth,
licks my tongue with his, and on hers, she licks me everywhere
kissing me and hugging me and feeling every bit of lust I could never think that I had before:
acacia Jun 2022
THATS THE POINT
OF ME being cute
giggly
little
tiny
happy and adorable
FOR THAT REASON
THATS THE POIINT
THATS WHY
SO YOU CAN HAVE THAT SAME SMILE
THAT same fulfillment
that same satisfaction
IM HERE
I DO THAT TOO
I DO IT ALL TOO
IM HERE TOO
I DO IT TOO
WE DO THE SAME THING
I EXIST BRO
acacia Aug 2022
in this zoom you feel my love, moment who takes and tackles what is true: what's truth? the truth lies, speak your truth, my, oh my, your heart reaches into your throat, you speak, i rub: you now touch your toes, you hide and i pry; shy away, from crumbling: out of your mind, where is your mind? not in your mind, not in your body: dreamy, hazy, life is but a dream, we're dreaming, feel hazy love, that feeling you feel is your love, it's your feelings, it's your door it's open as wide as i spread your legs, moving you, moving you, then we both say: I do.
acacia Nov 2021
I will be your lady of the night
eyes with some moons
bosoms blossom with milk
tear drop shaped
swear it’s all for you, savory and dark (my)
enriched from sugar cane
cornmeal so I don’t stick
weaving the grains in my hair
plaits to connect to the sun
plaits to beat the sun
and I bend down to pick things for you
dear Master, do you see my rear
through this mesh dress? see-through fabrics,
slave, and most abundant,
and I tell you I mean it,
swear it’s all for you, present and future (my)
lower lip plump with whimpers
from whispered and simmered
cries I’ve held in my chest
put into my mouth to
pacify my yellows and placate me
with your blue more often
hard **** returns to your mouth, sir
these sunkissed goods
receive your kindness, and sir,
I ask for one more chance
to prove these hips you see are
round not for no one, not for no one but
you, stop this hell of my life you’re making,
watch me walk and you’ll know
I’m yours for the taking, and I tell you
all the time, swear I know it,
I’ll crawl to you from my post, sultry eyes
and I put my face between your legs,
powerfully planted within the dirt bed
my face lies there to gestate and
we fertilize (my)
— let go and let me surround you,
an earthly good you have now that
you have me, I can be real good,
though on this plot of low land
where I wear your silk around my
wrists and ankles, in our world,
you belong to me and I am your master
acacia Dec 2021
I will be your lady of the night / eyes with some moons
bosoms blossom with milk / tear drop shaped
swear it’s all for you, savory and dark (my) / enriched from sugar cane
cornmeal so I don’t stick / weaving the grains in my hair
plaits to connect the sun / plaits to beat the sun
and I bend down to pick things for you / dear Master, do you see my rear
through this mesh dress? see-through fabrics, / slave, and most abundant,
and I tell you I mean it, /

swear it’s all for you, present and future (my)
lower lip plump with whimpers / from whispered and simmered
cries I’ve held in my chest / put into my mouth to
pacify my yellows and placate me / with your blue more, sir
hard **** returns to your mouth, sir / these sunkissed goods
receive your kindness, and sir, / I ask for one more chance
to prove these hips you see are / round not for no one,
not for no one but you, / stop this hell of my life you’re making,
watch me walk and you’ll know  /

          I’m yours for the taking, and I tell you all the time, swear I know it,
                         I’ll crawl to you from my post, sultry eyes . . .
                                                              I put my face between your legs,                          
       powerfully planted within the dirt bed,
                    my face lies there to gestate and becomes wet to fertilize.

— let go and let me surround you,
an earthly good you have now that
you have me, I can be real good,
though on this plot of low land
where I wear your silk around my
wrists and ankles, in our world,
you belong to me and I am your master:

                                      [ in our world … later in our world … ]


head forward chin tucked towards collar bones
small grin batting lashes
dainty with long fingers untie silk knots
open the silk robe
as if velvet curtains revealing
opening up to -shine, opening up a world of mine
follow inside, look into this window
lose yourself and find yourself
acacia Feb 2021
again he touched me and again these memories came flooding back
i tried to dissect why it happens when it happened
i tried to imagine you instead
but the clammy hands and skin kept forcing my mind somewhere else
until i finished and numbness and despair and tears came down my cheeks
i want my life, i’ve wanted it so bad
but after the death all i could think about was how i knew i was supposed to end:
will there ever be a cure for my aching heart? why did these things have to happen to me? it feels as if my mind can never escape it: everything looks so out of reach, i lay here crying: my dreams of a life with him seemed so healthy and once seemed like it could be real; but maybe i am the fool again, for thinking i could ever be in a Real life: my mind toys with so many ideas, the idea that a few weeks can be my last: where can i go to make this easy? how can i go to make this easy? this might be the best option for them all around me, is this the only thing left i can do? what happens if i do it all the way? if i didn’t do this, would He show me a better way? would he take that responsibility? would i stay somewhere safe? could i really get better? will these thoughts visit me again? Death comes to once in a while, he shows me visions of what i could have done and what i still can do: sometimes he waits for me and eggs me on: it feels so real again, Death, the taste of all your sharpness and pills
acacia Nov 2021
reckless eating, juicy fruit rips against my teeth: fleshly pulp proceeds to rot and digest. white pin eyes inside, heightened I would die, lightened tie-dye sky, ripe tight tartened pies, riptide time rode high, a little disingenuous and her skirt rode up her thigh, hands pronounce the word dreams and you spell it outside an eight-sided die
acacia Sep 2020
a shake it in the middle of the night
a twiny leg bringing up my head
smoke surrounds us
grind in the lap of a white boy
wey mah at wan
give me some a baby boy leave behind
all the stress inside your mind
relinquished vain
hazy minded lust gaze on gaze
acacia Feb 11
wet in braga, down in lagos
where we go to escape seeing eyes, knowing eyes
to escape to temples of the sea,
then once there, we step inside
toes first for you and for me, heels first, yet legs in sync,
and inside ****** temples is there marbled ash and sea vein'd patterns
and is there samphire growing along the corners of our coastal home
but inside our temple, away from the singing shine of the sun, away from the ringing eyes of the sky, sit we in a chair,
you under me, legs spread as a king with your hands squeezing the armrest
and my body rolling like waves on top of you,
vision is hazy as you stuff your face into anemones bound to my ribs,
soft and plush, lush and plump, fat jugs that move like seawater, that moves like soft coral,  
you kiss me with your tongue as a master and I grab onto your bearded cheeks as a slave,
a desperate one, who begs for your loving mercy and kindness
as I await your order to put you inside of me, as I await your order to mount you,
and as a jezebel, I lure you into a perfumed bed and I lay there
lolled open as a wildflower
I smell as a salsify and with a roaring pleasure that swells over my billows,
I wait to satisfy you and to swallow your troubles away as the sea



as we wade down old cliffs, roll through old cities, I drink from a bottle with water
coming from algarve, as it brings ripples into our existence,

it has fluttered away . . .
for as warm as we are outside, you will never be as warm as you are inside of me,
acacia Sep 2020
Threw each glass against the flow-shants of each word
vocal-tension, when form reacts against its shards, rotate sprinkle,
moving through the invisible waters in empty space I listen to these songs to go towards God
inviting God into my home, into my eyes and heart instead of focusing on flesh like you
lay my head down in the lap of God, my hair stroked by the hands of angels
to access me in this third density, they disguise themselves in jewels, in voices, in words and in the structure of pages, in the passages of the hekhalot, see me inside Lorelai;

drunk on the tales of the Most High, olives form and grow inside their teeth,
cheeks are rosied and I manifest with the light shone inside me, sourced from God and angels beyond me, connecting from a bridge deep within my kidneys,
relics of god-thought-sent from juvenile gardens, made countlessly,
unmatched and bountiful, Edens everywhere when He talks to me.

He sings to me, whilst whispering inside my brown ear; His hand cups my head, fingers sliding in between my curls:

                  “Admittance comes from the mind, acceptance comes from the heart:
          the senses work extra-ordinarily,
the sonorous haze, the visual daze  :  a body peddles one forward
towards the trickery of the eye: and the eye is dazzled by the flashy things of the world, of what is human, something still so human
    but the Eye and the Ear holds on to something more than that: intangible, indelible, incomprehensible.
                     Why don't you see with your Inner Eye? Why don't you hear with your Inner Ear? Think with your Inner Mind? The Higher Mind?” Somehow a breeze kisses my ears . . .
my whole life is empty without you: i am not without you.
acacia Feb 2020
A tempting ideology it is to take the privilege of me away:
   with thoughts of a once murmured fantasy, I flirt with visions and plans to steal the sight of me away, for if the desire of my sight wasn't there in the beginning of time, it will not be there during the end of time

And I keep thoughts these closed away, because in my mind the will
   is fake, the will is false, and I refuse to allow the falsity to permeate within my flesh: the phrasing you use is wrong, it isn't genuine, it is evaporating before you noticed,  I know it
acacia Apr 2021
sinking in a chair and thinking of its lips
regardless of the way it chose to form the spit
something tasting like an emerald
special and rare, but somehow disillusioned due to the
great centaur's arrest
and when its arrow hit the heart — the mind sorted through all of the things that could make her feel this way
chaotic frenzies, giggles and brute forces arm wrestling
yang oozing out of its bulb, sizzling into her pores:
eyeliner running,  thumb wipes off the cheek: indelible print
whispers to celebrate, reactive like a violent dragon
beatboxing into the air: shadows,
lightmermaids: disaster and angels with a broken grace
forged by our perception, squinted eyes,
strained eyes, knitted eyes, furrowed eyes, sightseeing eyes
acacia Aug 2022
I cried all night until there was nothing more,
what good will I do as a heap on a floor?
I will keep with my devotion, but it’s just no good
I’m taking it hard just like you knew I would
What can I do with my broken heart?
I want to piece up our puzzle because you’re my missing part,
I’ll do whatever I can to fix our broken hearts

Using tape and glue and soldering us together,
There’s nothing broken that can’t be fixed: cried in my chest and whispered that I could fix you,
With all my tools, I’ll fix your broken self, with all my tools I’ll fix my broken heart
first part inspired from Sentimental Heart by She and Him

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IHz2WKuMTnM
acacia Apr 2021
and more than anything
I want your arms to cry in
to muzzle into your chest
without feeling like I am evil
and a burden
I want you to please take care of me—
is that too much to ask? when my
mind begins to wonder that you gently
and firmly bring me back to the now,
to reality —
I thought I was someone who made every
one smile, but since that cloudy day
I see truths and I think I’ve withered away—
I’d love to feel your fingers against my hair
and my arms around your neck
some things feel so cold today
I feel colder
I feel alone
where did the lvoe go?
where did the Sun go?
if i plead, daddy please, don’t let me be a burden
I’m sorry I can be so much work
but I don’t know why I’m this way
maybe it’s my fault, maybe it isn’t
but who knows? I’m sorry if this
is so selfish to talk about myself this way
I know you have problems, I accept and even
I want them, I don’t want to change you, I want to open you, and see all of your wonders that you’ve hid from everyone
I want to be in you: my eyes feel heavy,
slumber calls me, and I play with ideas of death today — is this the best choice? I am not so sure of what would hurt you— something tells me it is the right choice and something else tells me that I’ve been blessed with you and to not scare you away I must not be this way but I
want to know if you can take care of me
when I am sick like this — I can make
you feel I feel exhausted, please, my love
is it too much to get things from you I’ve never had before? is it criminal?
I breathe in gaps — please, can you take care of me? I’ll make your life more fulfilled than you ever thought it could be
acacia Mar 2022
I hold on for dear life
to this sweet man on top of me —
please, don't let this get to your head
but you're the best man I'll ever have
he doesn't know the power he holds on me, he can take me,
he can have me, he could break me, and I'd gladly let him
he's got me hot
all hot in my seat
I'm twisted, my lips are opening
soft plush movements
knitted brows, I'll hold on tight
my lips won't let him go
some people think I am so weird
but he looks so sweet, such a great spot I want to be
in forever looking at him this way
I want him so bad, people think I'm weird for wanting
him like this but I don't care, I can't care
love drunk for him, the way he stares at me
I'm his fan, his biggest fan,
I grip him tight, I hold him tight
my fingers won't let him go
acacia Dec 2021
tell me
please whisper in my ear
that i won’t have to live a life
of struggle anymore and
you will take me and
show me what relief is
acacia Jul 2022
how did it feel? this time to be somewhere green, to be seen as one of the older women, amongst the table of young ones: where as then, she embodied the small angel alone whilst the one who noticed glided over with wings; thus, so did I, once again, since birth, become the ook small angel, alone yet no one notices—no one noticed but for others, it was noticed: who am I kidding, why am I kidding, the thoughtful eyes he gave there, what I'd do for those eyes to watch me now, with that same interest, that same intent: but this is why I feared my own children, for that same intent and same interest, no longer lied within me, something I've always wanted: but no longer around me or within me or by me or for me or through me: no longer. no longer. nothing else, no longer. never more longer. can I have those eyes? please? can I get those stares, please? you express through the eyes, the body, so can I have it too, please? am i blinded when its me? are you blinded when its me? me too please, please, me, too, I want it too, please, yes, please, give me some too, share it with me as well, please, I would like some too: small, delicate, quiet, in the wind: flowering, please, share some with me too, yes, please, I'm asking quietly and nicely, for me to have some too: yes, please, me too. but I said it with a harsh tone, I don't know why, it wasn't really me, it was a deflection, a defection, not a real me, a shadow me: not the real me, the real me was ... is ... trapped many years ago, yeah... in the same state many years ago, yeah ... many many many years ago. many many years ago. besides today? yes, many many many many years ago: would he know what I mean in here? would he know what I'm saying in here? would he know what I'm doing in here? would he see me in here? can he see me in here? does he see me in here? will he?
acacia Mar 2022
Kiss me in a church
let tomorrow feel like today
don’t you want to know how that feels?
Kiss me near the waves
let the sun scorch us for one day
put aside our inconveniences

come see how this feels
come learn how this feels
tell yourself there’s no one else


spend this time to teach me
talk to me about the world
when I ask why
when I ask what
can’t you spend a moment
holding my hand? point towards
the constellations and tell me
which star is which

and drift off on rolling grass
my head is resting on your chest
it feels like a lazy Sunday morning
a dark free summer’s night
and fresh air, feel at peace
I feel at home with you
so please just catch me

you can see
that I’m scared
I tried hard to open my heart
and still opening
and I can see
that you were unsure
you opened up your heart
and still opening

I’ll catch you
speak to you tenderly
stroke you gingerly
hold you close to me
as I sing in the breeze
I beg of you, please,
for safety
acacia Jan 2021
swigging with a swagger and a high then on a low then he continues to sway: with his voice: swinging on the trees: and he pours green over my black, wheels regret the road where my gravity rotates,

elegantclasselitemistakes:speedingdownthehighway:neverscaredtod­ay:ifeelmyinhibitionsfloataway,

                             skin touch skin: smirk with another layer, hope I
                             behave. watches me walk and lets me be:
                      what do I think about that? gross encounters of the macronormal, reluctant to hear the digression in his voice: which pathway does it go? his voice grabs my hand, takes me through the tunnel, while his harmonies become the atmosphere, asking what I think about it.
                                           softenedlipsbrushagainstmeandyoucroonlowlyanditmakesmerockmyhips:­soItakeatraintoseeyou,wonderingwhatyourthroatwilllooklikebeforewe­kissinmidstofthesnaps.atrillhi-hat,herunsintheair,ahardrefrain,al­waysonbeat.therhythmcomes,skippingsteps,holdingnotes,vibratto.hei­nvitesmewithhiseyes,tonguelowerswhenheshowsmehismind,bringingsome­thingnewinmynewlife:awaitingshore.awaitingthearmsofhim.

cupping me in his hands
he flips me over in the back sheets of his rubber
legs ring around in the air
hitting the chandelier
clinks and jewels fly away
peddling against the floor
as if they are raindrops, the gems
the crystals break off around me,
sparks read me to sleep, my head swims
around in his body with his talons on me
I feel plastic paws and a dead ocean
where'd you go? where's your voice? I beg to be swooned,
I want to feel someone's lips on me: let me ****** you. show me how you live, show me your wallet: let me ride in your car
(restless the days seemed to have been: and the inbetween of night and day, the Truth that hides them, self-same, I swallow a clock: can I see? thunder rolls near, live song within its lining. a worried sun, light beams drip down the escort's mane, tail [long and in the way: windshield wipers swipe the rain away: faces ruined the mood, bodies are not food, can I stay here for good? for good?] in an ocean bed)
acacia Nov 2020
dreaming up by the maru
feathers cross the sky by the maru
hold tenders up by the maru
fame 'sembles down by the maru
hand dipping in the stone by the maru
fast twirling way by the maru
adwa's charming face by the maru
river's splinting nearby the maru
tobias drinks a cup by the maru
water pouring in from the maru
take hold of it in the maru
petition blazing now in the maru
see me writing it in the maru
tobias take it from the maru
dip the petition in the waters of the maru
hold the pen close by the maru
sign your name to it by the maru
elias drink from it in the maru
take my petition from the maru
deliver it to me through the maru
thank you please i beg in the maru
i look into the waters of the maru
you look into the waters of the maru
put our hands inside of the maru
hug and grasp we do by the maru
the waters ripple huge in the maru
creation coming done by the maru
creation has been done in the maru
creating came my way by the maru
thank you for my wants through the maru
thank you for my needs through the maru
everything is done through the maru
meeting Nun's sight: it's the maru
floating around by the maru
twirling up and down by the maru
thanking blessing you by the maru
folie a la passe by the maru
acacia Oct 2021
would you dare to see me inside of that same purple-lighted lens? would I be as beautiful ******* dressed with it sprawled damp across my bodice? would you tingle and flush at the sight of my plump body emerging from the lake's waters? would you smile down at me lying under you on the floor of the earth? (dirt, grass, and small leaves petaled on our mingling skins) would you wipe a stuck curl from my cheek and stroke my parted lips? would you crane his neck towards me and kiss me out of love?

can you do that? please?
acacia May 2021
my heart aches
to be seen in that lens
to be loved in that way
can't I be both? can I fill both roles in your life?
can I do both of them? please?
acacia May 2020
I've lost again, formless shapings back into a corner;
hunched shadow, the light of day almost kissed me,
but turned away to flock to the shadow of another --
I sit here in this corner, while the shadows of autre prance
almost twelve steps ahead of me,
their own shavings amalgamation unity, a bigger entity,
celebrate in the recovered Light they've found --
"to be the darling of the City" I write on the walls with broken lead
"to be his little darling, the City's sweetheart" whistles falter down my heart, pathways open and close,
I wait to hear the bells, recovering from an overdose, locked away and wishing to be on the coast --
I've lost the race before I even got to feel Saturn's moonlight cling to my shoulders, nor did I ever feel the salty waters warmed by the Sun topple and subdue my lips :
will I?
I stand as a shadow in a corner, hunched over, the mind is shrouded in fog:
where may I sit? do I have a seat here?
acacia Oct 2021
don’t you know I lay around
with my body kissed by the Sun
sprawled on the sheets you
bought just for us?
then I wonder who’s loving me
since you’ve been working and out.
I’ve been a slobbering jewel-eyed fool for you.
that passes as green.
acacia Sep 2021
these things come
when I sit and observe
standards multilayered
around and textured
with a ladel then cut with
a wire cutter
the superficial happiness
but whether theseI can't
do it I can't write yes I can
hide out in my shame
shut the world outside
too weary on his ideas
too weary on his thoughts
when the day comes
when the sun comes
good things come
don't sleep, I have to stay up
show them all I am
where things go
in a bath house
I won't have anything to do
with you when these things
execute, please, I will
take off my ring for the
day in order to forget
the pain and to learn to trust
in my self and look towards
the Sun, good things come
in a city that never sleeps
where you have to stay up
I enjoy the moment
Harlem: where her and I and friends
can ride around, drink,
smile and I won't have to care
about the man who I will give myself to
for that moment he wouldn't care of me
in my hour, his slowly crooning
wraps around my neck like rings
and squeezes tightly gently
like a baracuda python:
I was good but I'm better now
I was good but I'm better now
relief comes through
and he strokes me with his
voice and a melody splishes around the corners
cement, sidewalks and he does one
last gulp of his yesness:
to say yes to me, which he did,
but he says with a smug and takes me
by the hand: with an angelic smile
but he doesn't mind the way they droop
the way they sag
for him it's like a nursery
holy water leaks out and his mouth fits perfectly round
my teats and his eyes sparkle up at me
for once I feel his affection
I feel that I am his object of desire
in this moment to be his object feels well
swells my stomach and swells my chest
makes my palms sweat
gives me something to cruise about
I keep it close to my heart
he morphs around me and grabs me
and kisses me: bringing reality I wish it was him
but he keeps giving slight kisses on me
breaths and sweet eyes
and he's so handsome
I'd love to hear you say you love it
you love me
acacia Sep 2021
he sat on the sea
with his sailing hips
his eyes began to rain
and his lips began to whip
i felt his nose dip
we were going down
until i used our lifeboat
so we wouldn't drown
original: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IE8bG0fY1io
acacia Oct 2021
you go there
brown pools
trees drop with orange petals
dark lids, my eyes slit
do you like my *******?
pools there brown lids my
eyes slit, by the side,
petals, ride, up in
my high sky, ride
into, cry mental,
la night's gentle,
the knight dreads to
rideriderideride into the
high lair, of my fair
maid—shrine of hair
acacia Aug 2020
let this view be for him: how it must—
the echo draws the lingering soul out of me
but it stays for it whirls and it makes me cry
but the hour of the day to impress you sings the joy
of the One —he stops and I come towards the rain,
and an impressionable glow of horn creeps into the sauna,
and it lowers my body, giving me the “immeasurable” chills:
but still these are words: god is in here, yes, god is in here—
god is way inside the violins and the dreams of these chords
he hits these notes and these horns play as if it was a cliched night
my aching god, my body falls in line with his movements on the drum roll; my neck moves, my hips sway, my waist penetrates the other day into the next morning for it is ephemeral :
the little windows of babes that twirl in these sounds in this rhymes in sight of his horns—filled with city nights

they sound like city nights like lurking blackness over trees and buildings lit up with windows of orange-yellow-opaque and she dances in the background—
this trumpet-woman: she dances, she does a spin she is trying to get her spin; she is trying to get her tap, she is trying to get in the door—she is stuck in the door
the key, she is fumbling with her key—little flails, a higher flail, she flails, she heightens—
she is close to opening the door
she sticks the key, jamming it in there— she turns she turns, she twists she twists: the keys
she takes a breath. — . she turns, she twists, she turns, she twists—
she walks away from the door, the key stuck in there
she staggers trying to learn how to walk again; drunken, she blares out, she blares out in the city coughing and her saxophone belting—she squeaks, she slurs, she blares, she whirs, she slurs, she blares, she sings, she screeches, she whistles through the day and the night

:four trees breeze by her, black skirt flow and taxis pass by her:

lame sounds into the wind, she keeps going. lame sounds into the world—she turns, she twists, she falls slightly, she skips and steps and she turns the key! she inhales [ ] ankle twist her arm trips,
her wrist squeezes into her pocket; clad all black—the stars join her and she sings lamely into the night, her voice reverberating throughout the leaves
a car yells as she repeats the night:
she sings out lamely, blares and twists and turns and she walks to the door—crickets pray, the car yells—she rests her head against the door—cars yell and honk, driving through her door: the door is open: the walls talk to her, the stars all watch her—she limps through the halls, the trumpet, the saxophone limps; the doors watch underneath: peering into the skirt of the trumpet: the hosiery adorned legs cramped and relaxed: tension jarred and stirred, wiggling free: peeking at the shiny bronze in between the bridge the way the air flexes around her

it changes shape towards her daily repeat nightly motion of monitoring the trapeze\

the sky gives atmosphere and volume into her hair—the realm
of being stuck, she is stuck and repeats: she is stuck and repeats
the lame song and blares into the ceiling: the empty missing ceiling—she blares and croaks and lamely walks to the steps of the day. it is night.
her eyes follow the trail up their Stare, and as she goes up each stair she feels despair pouring out of her porous eye’s pores that are open, and eyes closed to the velvet touching her uvula-*****. . . she drowns on these stairs and stains . .  .
cannot make it up—lame song— cannot —blaring —despair
exhale ][ inhale [] exhale ][ inhale [] prana ... lame .. . prana ... prana ... sati ... samadhi... liberate citta ... drop the poor chord: lame, lame song . . .

she limps up the stairs, each foot hitting each stair twice:
up down down down down up up up stagnant stagnate up down down stagnate — up down stagnate stagnate — blaring blare — loud: cranky! — she drunkenly sings, sways up the handrail, pours out her drink down the roof, and watches it fall:

the doors open, all simultaneously, whilst she looks down the stairwell pouring her drink down there for all to have: "Share joy, turn the key! Share, it is stuck! Get it out of the door! Open the door..." she shouts, she blares, she levels out. she yells.
lame song, limping . . . drunkenly dressed. Sloppy. utterance, muttering, low voice, trembling, yet now repeat the motion of the night. — realistic night days of the sophened mind, she blares, she cuts, she blares, she lowers— accelerationist accrucianado — "Dressing me out : the worst way to die go figure:! The constellation shows you!" lame song, blare, drift, loud lame limp. she walks further up the steps—the same song repeat, quivering now, more gusto, more braggadocio: "drawers long. inhale. prana. paroksha. indirectly." she opened once  again: concerto opus *****: quiver, blare, blossom: the stars shine now, and she sings while they fall around her—

she refrains, they fall, glidely, she refrains. she refrains. they fall, glidely, she refrains. she refrains. they fall, glidely, they drop, lively. swiftly. sprightly, brightly—she drinks in her own drinks of drown, she goes down the octave. down. there, the sky changes waving around: now over the highway, she blares loud, floating in the sky, floating above cars, and the traffic below her . . . she blares out croaks: she croons to them the same truth of the heavens they couldn’t see and she refrains loudly, glidely:
whizzling up there—her drool drizzles down there—inside and outside—pumping in, the throbbing joy: thrusting divine, thrusting angels—hayorically she moves dizzily over cities—oceans above her—traffic below her—she cramps up, the stars guide her

her more sing move; she waves more,
to the passerby, the clouds drift by for love/ no love /she drinks more love/ to the god where she blares, she croaks, she wheels out there, into the world cries of a never harmed One:
of a One never divided into Many: and she and the ones in a 50 foot radius are hit with atomic blasts the size: bruised and battered flesh, heart is black and body is blue, but the spirit is incorruptible and the spirit remains when the body burns when the sun dies lamely flying, limply stars guiding—
drool stuttering from each pore on her, she drives away in her no-more vehicle: this is the last body, and she knows this: and she accepts this is her last body, as she flies over New York City,
drifting with the race cars, absorbing each and every person and being: crossing roads that never existed, singing songs to nobody
city noir -
acacia Apr 2022
moody
positive and negative
bewildering and bewitching
never understanding me
borderline and bipolar
that’s just part of me
i’m subduing
i’m sunshine and thunderstorms
rainbows and poison ivy
that is just me

some things about me can’t be changed
they can be muted or dealt with
but some things i can’t change
somethings i can change and i will change
but some things i accept about myself
about who i am and those should be loved
those should be kissed and i do

all these things mumble in me
thoughts and screams and laughs and moans
it’s all just part of me, thats it


teach me
acacia Apr 2020
thrown from the hills are some bricks, cement fills the gaps
the wind carries them all, my head will see a better day
I take these things with pride and all of the falls I do throughout the day
it still rips in my heart, I think, perhaps, right now, or maybe, I'll deal with this another day
these scripts, these words: I won't read, I can't see: don't think about this today
world Gaze into me, peers at: outside, and misunderstood
acacia Apr 2022
I know the truth about it and sometimes my idea has been pushed out of my mind into the earth and then into the trash bin,
nothing to come out of it. I accept some things in my life and
some things are much harder to accept: like my insignificance to
the man I absolutely love. the truth shows: he does care a bit and I'm
grateful, I make that enough for me. I won't ask for more, I'll stop
asking for more: I won't let him feel like what he shows isn't enough
but I do have to step back a bit because the importance I want to have
the significance I want to have to him I know isn't there and
that's okay. it was never his duty, job, or obligation to feel that.
even as his wife, I'm left to fend on my own.
I give too much of myself: I guess I do need to let go of that hope. that childhood dream, need to let go of it. might need to **** it. I have to **** the little angel for her own good. I won't let her get hurt again.
acacia Jun 2022
I roll around in the chair, over my shoulder with my hair, to look towards him, such seriousness, stares at me with a glance for a few more moments than minutes, back way to where his eyes slept on the view in the screen: I can't help but laugh at him, not mockingly, but with endearment: so serious, such a serious looking man. my mind rings, rides, waves, and brings me floods of memories of his smiling brasserie, fasting yet full smile in the summer sun walking through the tiny roads of a tiny village.

though, then, in that corner of my memory, I was the serious one: one with a slight pout on a sun kiss'd coconut black heart shaped rim-face, curved body tucked away nicely in some kind of jungle print top that hugged the small of my waist, uplifted my large pregnant chest, and with a delicate V-shape presented the creamy chocolate of my chest and neck and collarbones, then hiding my hips and full (fat, even) backside, a green and black versace-style weaved pencil skirt, while moving my feet swiftly and my legs moved fast, legs wrapped in a thicker black stocking. like licorice for him, and his lightweight posture and stance, bearded face and thrice tried crows feet.
acacia Dec 2020
underlying lost complexity, lost articulation, and a lost meaning: i slide between one version and another:: do you think you know? do you think you understand?::: riddles pool upon each other, ripples one by one, simultaneously:::: secretive exclusive personal—is that what you’d want? a word only for you?:::::: words meant only in your own mind, televised for you, deviced rarely used—do you think you know what it means?:::::::underlying lost meaning, lost complexity, lost nuanced dreaming.

i am fine with misunderstandings, whether perceived whether real — there is no struggle or fight to understand, us.roll it off the world.it won’t come up again.no need for the sweet dignition.misspelled, again?why spell it right?writhing into mysteries,you are scared of what you don’t know.that is ignorance.

for who doing fine without ya rest upon a shored breathing little rocks1 reusable toilet window frankly here it goes by the little yams3 tristate armored competition area for my heart9 lively little rats2
acacia Apr 2021
sometimes now I can admit somewhere in my mind I said, at some point in time today, perhaps a few seconds ago,
visions and epitomes of a lifeless me
and of an urgent rage to grip my metal, my shinking razor
shrinking plastic
to close my eyes for more than a few days
to fill my mouth with eight or ten of the small blue ovals
feeling the drowsiness overcome me
rage of a western retaliation of my mind


so I went to him
I asked him if he could send me his poem,
the DH Lawrence one
because my heart hurt and I wanted to cry
and I could feel my inner legs shaking and my integrity about to give
and I wait for him, the one who almost called me a daisy and likened me to a daughter
I wait patiently for the poem
as a protest
as a contest
as a something
as a something. as a nothing.
no more existence please, then, refill. more existence, pellase, then, refill/.
acacia Apr 2020
Mingle live aside: Autre scenic view . . . Hesistant view visit personified peony? Camera, Mingle lo! doorway view. Sedna Mingle harm here doorway free? Mingle, view, jouissance. Memory, og, conceal personified driving. Forbid view noetic om tune rainovers? There Mingle live. Mingle live there.
acacia Sep 2020
Nightling born of foamed waves, formed at the bottom of Mountain’s brine rock. A desire whipping around her ankles. Sea became hands, and hands ****** a tear away. Pulling from the yore ether, fibers and other things become sewn about, as Mountain rolls over to awaken. Mountain looks down to see plateaus of oneiric islands. Mountain’s first intuition bred islands that It encompassed. Things moved forward, the islands multiplied, and It closed its eyes to see the board’s full scape again. Dreamed, though, it did, of the landscape:                          bubbles, seastring, bluey harmons. Rocky sand, covered in darling blue. Giggles wandered by both left and right ears, but a drowned out symphony. Foggy was the smell, and murky was the seen: trapped in perfection, ******* are hanging. Blue eyed, brown hair, strands repel gravity under the sea. Topped off her hat, swam away, hips moving right to right again.

Her sumptuous body, scale and skin: purple on one side, cornflower blue on another: PM to the night, curls fell to her tailbone, voluptuous *** to poke out, bossom large as two moons. Skin brown and black like grounded coffee and rusted ships. She wondered by the hour of things reminiscent, to her somehow, deja vu dreaded her nuova-epimind. Something felt moving, she needed to remind herself. Drumming her fingers so effortlessly, moving her hips so delicately, the sway around her created residual numbers to count. It formed a hula hoop encircling and latched onto her waist: a personal clock. Ineffability relayed in her mind: she needed to explain herself.

Burnt lips kiss a coolen sky, molten rock forms from her eyelids: she pretends to belt out a shriek and from her pearls of saliva, little eggs from each of her undiscoverableness drop against the floor of Herself. Something comprehensible, like the seas and the beasts beneath. A little flowered her with a shell sprung out of one, missing an eye, for she still represented One and All Sight: petaled tail, two true-leaves replaced two fins at the bottom of the tail; green sight colored her film. And when this green-flowered splashed against the floor of Herself, a twin released from the smolder, he swam tall within Her sea-vibrations: wet fibres slick to the dreamed-face, body sinewy and constitutes echoes of Her Holiness’ alien songs of creation, and prosody formed his tail. More pairs from her saliva-pearls, and more from her sweat-beads: and more as close to Her poured from the lush nectar from Her Mountain’s ******: to embody this liquid. From the waters born Nilnrina: sprightly, shy: quietly, fly: harpened.
acacia Oct 2021
he got on his bony knees
in Florence
in the dim lighting of the bathroom
removed my sandals
removed my socks
gently placed my feet under running water
and with his soft hands
tenderly washed both my feet
one at a time
drying them neatly on a towel
underneath us
acacia Dec 2021
both stood bij the sofa
I am pressed against the ledge
and he presses against me
my neck crooning up to him
his neck craning down to me
a grin of adornment on his face
we look into each other's eyes in this silent moment
and I say, "They call this coup de foudre in French,"
he thinks for a moment, "Thunder ?"
I smile and fly up with my tip toes
bijna nose to nose, lips to lips
we kiss
acacia Jul 2020
in a fit of rage and i see
what if you can't be true?
it is plastered on billboards
i don't have a frame big enough
in my hands
drop your face in my hands
let me stroke your cheeks boy
i'll kiss the top of your eyes boy
acacia Oct 2021
it’s nights like these that make it
seem as if I am in a loveless world
and right now is a moment
is a night I somehow believe it
only the inkling in my heart
shaped like a raindrop
is his love, warm and smells like
his earthy musk I’ve spoken of before
it’s all I have to comfort me
in a moment like this, my stern
and gentle earthy musk,
my brown and encompassing musk,
the small of the hips and that space
remaining between his thighs
reserved just for me
acacia Aug 2022
all of me: can you tell me you want all of me?
you want to take all of me, and that you’re no good without all of me: tell me that you want all of me and not all of someone else, can you keep your pieces on the floor please? we can really put you back together, not hide your mess under the bed — so stay like that, stay in pieces, so we can put you back together.

be your self, don’t pretend, no more pretending please, no matter how i react, no matter what i say, take off your mask, stop your charade, honestly, be authentic, I want to hold you

I almost felt good to know that you needed me, that you felt maybe you couldn’t go on without me for a bit, but is that what scares you about us being close? that you need me? that you can’t go on without me but you can’t control me, I could leave you — and now I feel as if this is all in smoke even though I have your love, at least, even if you lie and cheat and betray me, at least you’ll somehow say that you love me.

seeing you cry and curled up into my chest, I saw the real you. for once, I saw a real peek into you. the things you said, the way you held your head down, the snot in your nose, the cries — you spoke and expressed but each word came out with a stutter, with a hesitation, with a breathlessness — i finally saw, clearly, how unnatural it was for you to speak and open to me.

i’m selfish because i want to see more of that. i want to see more of this real you. i want to know more about this real you. i don’t want you to lose yourself but i think you’ll find more of your pieces if you show me, if you keep your mask off, if you let yourself be broken.

but what about me? all of me? it’s worse that you don’t remember, that you don’t know why, that I have to take a leap of faith, now maybe you know how I have felt, so scared I’d lose you. but it was because you were on the edge of completely leaving me. you have such an advantage, knowing i’m too weak to leave you though part of me almost will say “I want to go,” but that part is quiet and hurt and angry and has to pick up my own pieces by myself — the person I thought I knew seemed to do something devilish, and I was hoping I’d never find out that you are like those other men.

don’t close up now, I don’t deserve that, I don’t deserve you to close up, I do these things for you, I’ve done these things for you, I held you like my own in my arms, held you like a newborn out of love because even though I felt so betrayed, I’m too weak when I see you cry when I know you wouldn’t move. Even though I felt so betrayed, I walked up to you because I knew you wouldn’t move because I knew you’d let everything fall and wouldn’t try.

and I thought i felt your love, things changed so much in Spain. something in you changed when you saw me again, changed where I finally felt your love, I finally felt like you wanted me at least a little bit. I want to feel your feelings by your laughter, your crying, your restless legs, your sulking body, your breathless and difficult words of expression, say the scary things. say you need me, say the scary feelings. say the outlandish irrational things. say them to me. say it to me.

But I have to try, I have to do something, because I needed your support because I wanted support because I wanted the truth because I wanted you and only you and to be meshed together in a union and to be ebbing back and forth together and I have to believe you when you say it like that, I have to believe you when you say you don’t know why, I have to believe you when you don’t say anything at all, I have to believe you when you freeze, I have to believe you when you close up, I have to trust you and believe you I have to trust and believe that you really love me
acacia Aug 2020
that is how i felt:: diamonds roughing about in the back-scurries, the mines empty and persuaded to be dimly lit: gemstones crawl back over the tides of the obsidian and stone, dressed up in dust and dirt, awaiting for the moon to peak its face into the slivers in the walls, and the room will sparkle like a skating rink, germs and shaped rocks gather in the center to form a wave of hues that mingle and collide and counteract; just in time for the shore to pull up the shells and mermaid’s toes and their missing nails. the moon never looks back at the trail she makes, lifting higher into the sky and the waistline of the lights through the crevices thin out, the rocks and geodes cracking and colliding faster: the only way to roam is to carry by the wind; awaiting Zephyr does the sweet Tiger Eye, and also awaiting Zephyr does the sweet Amethyst, but awaiting God does the Pearl.
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