You could make my world fall apart
Or you could give me a brand new start.
Things are going up and down
And I'm fighting for something that can't be found.
Look in my eyes and tell me you're here
'Cause it almost feels like I'm losing you, Dear.
I can tell there's something wrong in the air
And all I can do is just sit and stare.
I wish you could tell me what is on your mind
Because I hate feeling like I'm deaf, dumb, and blind.

By the light of the moon,
I will feel better.
When the clouds give way to its red, crescent shape
I shall no longer feel alone.
My pain is not so foreign,
Instead, it has been replaced with something familiar.

Thousand's litter my body,
Appearing with each new cycle of despair,
To be captured by a photographer,
Forever to scar my once perfect skin.
Now I can cry for something new.
These tears are for a pain that makes sense.

S tronger than myself,
You chain me to your wrist and
Narrow my vision
Until all I see is your sadistic face through the tunnel and
Those malicious brown eyes
Above thin, chapped, upturned lips.

T ainting my face, you do,
Painting with tears of both
Joy from your eyes and
The frustrated loss of hope that claims to be mine,
Which I proceed to rub with a scalding cloth
Until raw, I become
So I can claim to be blonde when people question if they saw and
Make a narrow escape from shame.

R un, I cannot; and
However cunning I may be,
You will still be on my tail,
Nose to the ground and posterior in the air,
Gaining speed at an unnerving pace,
Until my skinny knees clatter and
I violently shake,
Vomiting on myself,
Either from exhaustion or fear,
However, the later holds more ground.

E ven my breath becomes yours and
My dreams are at your mercy.
Consider my plea,
Lucky are thee to have me beg,
Thrown to the ground where dirt may stain my face,
An honor rarely reserved for anyone, but
You hold over me all I wish to have.

S neaking past all my guards
In elaborate disguises,
Thrown around in white and
Handed out with smiles,
I run like a fool into you,
Wrapping my arms in a tight embrace,
Greeting you like a friend who hides a knife.

S uffocating under your pressure,
I find myself screaming out.
In the darkest corner, I wish to hide,
Buried in words that cannot hurt,
Contrary to your bitter whispers and
Pestering bites.
Like a wound you fester
Deep beneath my skin.
Yes, I cannot take it.
Under your pressure,
I make myself mute.

Wish,
you loved
me like,
I thought you did.

Should've
blown my brains out.

When all these
crazy thoughts
started singing
in my mind.

If I was in the right place.
I would have,
but I didn't.

Now.I.Suffer.

Thanks, for the stab in the back.
See you in the great below.

</3

Today you told me you want something real
And when I’m with you that’s just how I feel.
I feel real, and loved, and a great sense of pride!
When I’m with you I get all these butterflies.
I look at you and my head starts spinning
And I can’t tell who is really winning.
We agreed that it was all just pretend
But now I don’t know if I want this to end.
It’s 5am and my thoughts you still taunt
But every day it’s my heart that you haunt.
I search in my dreams but you cannot be found.
I try to scream that I love you without making a sound!
I have all of these others to occupy my time
But when I’m with you I can really unwind.
You talk like you’re ready to soon dissappear
But all I really want is for you to stay here.
My problem is, can I stay committed?
I don’t even know how you can really admitt it…
You say you still love her, but you want another?
I thought that was why we were here for eachother.
You can see us together, you’ve told me before.
Now I wish you would tell me that it’s time for more…
I think I lied and I fear that I’m losing,
Or maybe I’m just greedy, it’s all so confusing.
I don’t think I’m ready to stop all my fun,
But sometimes I wish you were my only one.

When everything
is said and
done.

Gone
Faded.
Jaded.
Decayed.
Dead.  
Wish.
I was.

Just remember,
I didn't chose to
be brought into this.

You just forced me through the
crack-hole.
&
Yanked me out nine months later.

Sometimes, I hate both of you for this.

& Oh,
my frost bitten
lungs,
lose their breath.
In all of your
nostalgic air.

It's a scary/cut/throat
feeling on a cool,
November morning.

But I swear to you,
have never seemed so clear
to me.

Maybe, I'm just
day-dream-dream-dreaming
again.

But I swear,
the frost clouds of cigarette
smoke you blew in my face,
Yesterday.
Looked just like a flock of
upside down <3's.

Just some
secret-smoke-signals
from across the state.

If you were here
&
they were gone.

Someday,
that's a wonderful
thought.

Cold and lonely sights like these
Scare and push me toward the ******
Of nights I knew so well when I was young

Of closing bars and empty lots
Nightly walks and ***** thoughts
Things I'd thought my frozen hands had wrung

But now they're back and tempting me
In silent forms that I can't flee
Like an image some old musician once had sung

The hour hand's on 10.
&
The minute's on 4.

I think,
I know.

Half of me died
with you.

Way back,
when,
October nights weren't
so
******'
lonely.

Until my other half
gives in.
I'll be your;

1/2-ghost,
earth-bound.
Sun.

For the "time" being,
I'll catch you on the
astral plane.
&
I'll see you in my dreams.

</3

When your life line
stops running,
across your body's
support screen.

What time
will your clock
stop at?

Time doesn't exist,
I will
ALWAYS
be here.
<3

I need to
forget
about
Frictions' force
and
Gravity's grip.
So,
I can
eliminate
all limitations.
To
One day,
will up,
a
will power
strong enough,
tough enough,
to
fly away
from fear.
In a
fast
free-fall.
Hopefully
I'll
fill
the
World's
empty wine glass.
If I fail,
I'll still
raise my glass
to drink the punch
and die
trying.

I’am the
Whiney,
Amy Winehouse
Wannabee.
That’s going to blow myself,  
away
before the Whispers of wicked winds can.

I can’t smile anymore.
If you have to always
stab
me in the back.
My heart lives on the other side
of my body.
If ya wanted to....

I could get you;
a steak knife
and you could
tear into my heart
like it’s
a medium rare steak.

If it would make you happy.
I’ll even bring the A-1.
Cause I care that much.

Angry blue flashes
mark the extent of pain
that blurs my vision
with black holes
that **** in any positive
                                                             resolution

Inside the whirlwind
of emotion, there is
one thing.
That one thing is the
                                                             only
thing that can exist here.
Pain.

Outside of this haven,
this dark cold hole that I call;
home.
There exists a world,
where nothing good
ever
                                                             comes
my way.

Hiding away here,
I know I'll never last.
I know I can't fight
                                                              to
the end.

But I'll try my hardest.
I will show every single
one of
                                                              those
people who ever judged
me.

I will show everyone
                                                              who
ever thought that
they could break my
walls down.
Without consequence.

I will show them that
I can
                                                              truly
be a monster.
I can be the tool
of my own destruction
if they really
                                                              want
to provoke me.

To the people who
know me.
To the people who
love me.
I want to show you
something.

I want you to believe
me, when I say,
I can create
                                                               an
ending for this
story called life.
It can be pretty,
or,
it can be
macabre.

All I'm saying is,
there will be an
                                                                ending.

It might not be
the one you want
to see.
But I'm not
afraid to
pull the trigger.