Bartering Hilarity - Hello Poetry

Jun 2020

Mike Hauser

I carry around a Phillips head
To tighten up loose screws
An empty bag I keep in hand
To collect all the marbles that I lose

The elevator I'm riding in
Doesn't stop at all the floors
Happy with insanity
Who out there could ask for more

The toys that are in my attic
When they come out to play
Take my hand as we skip through Bizarro land
On any given day

Card games are entertaining
But always over so fast
When what I'm holding in my hand
Is not quite a full deck

Being four quarters short of a dollar
I will never strike it rich
Nor live in the nicest of places
Having a load that's short a few bricks

So if you come a knocking
And find nobody home
I'm out on the streets of crazy
But believe me I'm never alone

Apr 2020

Francie Lynch

The Onanist (10W)

Singlehandedly,
Reducing the numbers
Of the homeless,
Poor and diseased.

#wanking

Apr 2020

Francie Lynch

Breaking News: April 28, 2020

All global wildfires are extinguished.
Kim has a new heart, and dismantled his *******... arsenal.
Brexit is complete, without N. I.
Millions of refugees find new homes.
Climate change has changed.
The O Zone hole collapsed on itself.
Acid rain got ph-ed.
Russia votes in new fearless leader.
Covid-19 is a Democratic hoax.
Trump resigns saying only,
Oops.
Pigs grow wings.

On an April Fool's note.

#aprilfoolsday

Feb 2020

Francie Lynch

Ode to the *****

One's unschooled tool
Should not rule
The behavior of its owner.
Keep your head in check,
Don't regret,
Lack of control of your *****.
So, here's the long and short of this,
Nothing's owed
To the *****.

Have a peek at, " Ode to a ******. "

#***** #**** #**** #***** #sexhumor

Nov 2019

Francie Lynch

Tongue In Cheek

Da's an ***** grinder,
Grinding heart and tongue;
Bull pizzles for his daughters,
Ewe livers for his sons.
Cranking in the summer kitchen,
Out of the morning sun.
He strings savory sausages
That please most everyone.

Mammy's in the smoke house
Anticipating some;
Mammy cooks when Daddy grinds,
She likes a little tongue.

Tsk, tsk. Tongue in cheek, and a tad naughty.

#sexualhumour #sexandmeat #humour

Apr 2019

Francie Lynch

Humpty Trumpy

Humpty Trumpy promised the wall,
Humpty Trumpy's in a free fall:
His base reactions
To blackened redactions,
Gave Trumpy just cause
For more infractions.

#orangeface #45 #realdonaldtrump #foxnews #foxnewsandfriends #trumppoem #trump #impeachmenteve #notabovethelaw

Nov 2018

Francie Lynch

Faeces Face

I take umbrage
At comparing
The POTUS
To a lying piece of crap.
I've experienced crap, lots of it!
Usually brown, with no comb-over.
So POTUS **** is an unfair analogy.
Now, a moniker like
Faeces Face fits,
And stinks to the high heavens.

#orangeface #readdonaldtrump #trumppoem #45 #trump #scatology #scatpoem #foxnewsandfriends

Nov 2018

Francie Lynch

Must Be Donald

Who's comb-over looks like *****?
Donald's comb-over looks like *****.
Who scared us shitless election night?
Donald scared us shitless election night.
Election night. Looks like *****.
Must be Donald.
Must be Donald.
Must be Donald, Donald Trump

Who's got a tie that's long and red?
The Don has a tie that's long and red?
Who pays hookers to **** on beds?
The Don pays hookers to **** on beds.
**** on beds. Long and red.
Election night. Looks like *****.
Must be Donald.
Must be Donald.
Must be Donald, Donald Trump.

Who's got hands tiny and slight?
The Don has hands tiny and slight.
Who spews lies out day and night?
The Don spews lies out day and night.
Day and night. Tiny and slight.
**** on beds. Long and red.
Election night. Looks like *****.
Must be Donald.
Must be Donald.
Must be Donald, Donald Trump.

Who's got a vocab small and trite?
The Don has a vocab small and trite.
Who whines Fake News out of spite?
The Don whines Fake News out of spite.
Small and trite. Out of spite.
Day and night. Tiny and slight.
**** on beds. Long and red.
Election night. Looks like *****.
Must be Donald.
Must be Donald.
Must be Donald, Donald Trump.

Who likes tweeting SAD SAD SAD?
The Don likes tweeting SAD SAD SAD.
Who likes a spanking when he's bad?
The Don likes a spanking when he's bad.
Bad, bad, bad, SAD SAD SAD,
Small and trite. Out of spite.
Day and night. Tiny and slight.
**** on beds. Long and red.
Election night. Looks like *****.
Must be Donald.
Must be Donald.
Must be Donald, Donald Trump.

How many minions leave today?
So many so far went their way.
Comey, Priebus, Flynn and Bannon,
Tillerson, Spicer, Hope and Ryan.
Leave today. Gone their way.
Bad, bad, bad, SAD SAD SAD,
Small and trite. Out of spite.
Day and night. Tiny and slight.
**** on beds. Long and red.
Election night. Looks like *****.
Must be Donald.
Must be Donald.
Must be Donald, Donald Trump.

REPOST
If you know the Raffi song, "Must Be Santa," you'll get it.

#impeachmenteve #notabovethelaw #trumppoem #thedon #donaldtrump #thedonald #resistance #45

Sep 2018

Mike Hauser

Mother Goose Down On Skid Row

Tom Thumb got caught peeping
Now his life is on the run
Little Bo Peep lost her sheep
On a gambling junket she was on

Little Miss Muffet is having to tuff it
Out these days in jail
Selling ecstasy to undercover police
And now can't pay her bail

Little Jack Horner took him a corner
Of the Mafia drug trade
Once you are hooked on the **** that he cooks
There's no way of escape

You think that's bad you ain't seen nothing yet
That even comes this close
Since Mother Goose started hitting the juice
And ended up down on skid row

Humpty Dumpty's more than broke
But not from any fall
He couldn't pay his ******
And his legs were first to go

Baa Baa Black Sheep
Where forced to sell their wool
To pay for all the damages
While they were in school

Jack pushed Jill down the hill
When he caught her cheating with Little Boy Blue
Now he's paying her doctor bills
Which has left Jack blue too

You think that's bad you ain't seen nothing yet
That even comes this close
Since Mother Goose started hitting the juice
And ended up down on skid