Decisions are an interesting thing
you can sit and wait and wait
but nothing seems to be happening
while you hope for something great
but decisions are not wishes
a fanciful thing in your head
a full sea we'd have if wishes were fishes
they'll sit in your mind until you are dead
decisions are not easy to make
but once you do that's when it ignites
and that path you're on, ain't easy to break
and failures become all out fights
to get where you're going, that is your aim
and God will bring you the things you need
as you trust His path to win this game
if you believe in His love and timing and speed
once that decision has clicked in your brain
everything works to push you that way
if you fall you get up again and again
because you know you will get there someday

I saw an angel look at me
through your eyes I saw her
you're unaware of what I see
but you were open heart so pure
timid as we talked of things
subjects of shame and pain
excuses and fear often clings
but we're opening up again
a lightness came into your eyes
as we enjoyed our simple day
I saw in them reflected skies
we somehow both found our way
through space and time stayed
not knowing we were on a path
the stuff of friendship made
does not make sense in words or math
now here we are in spring
where hope is all around
this beautiful connected thing
true friends' words the sweetest sound

Spinning circles in my head
I never have been on the meds
I hear they're great and fix some stuff
but I just want to be enough
I don't want to be zombified
that just makes me mortified
so I will argue for our right
to just be different, that's our fight
so we have too much energy
and are lacking synchronicity
people can't keep up with us
some with Tourettes often cuss
wild ideas spinning out
enthusiastic scream and shout
and they just want to structure me
to fit me in their society
this is how it's supposed to be
well sorry dude, that just ain't me
I just want creativity
and redefining normalcy
that box just will not fit us all
sorry but it's just too small
we were made so limitless
it's time for us to be fearless
breaking out to be our own
we discover the unknown

Grinding out the pages for the classes I am in
I do not know my goal, what am I trying to win?
I work and slave away, gaining not a thing
and trying not to glance out at the greenery of spring
this work is never ending, but it's like a rocking chair
I may be doing something, but it doesn't get me anywhere
who am I trying to impress, is there one who even sees
I don't know what the point is, will someone tell me please?
I'm enrolled in this school, and working toward this end
but I'm also part of that school, can you see a trend?
I like to be in school, because I like to learn
good grades are so easy, please tell me it's my turn
work is so much harder, I just can't figure why
I am always reaching but the sky is just too high
what will I be when I grow up, I wish that I knew
but here I am at 30 and I still don't have a clue.
Some people just know, exactly where they're going
or are they really stuck, and it's not them they're showing
some content to work at jobs they hate, to make a buck
but I could never live like that, I want to give a "duck"
then there are those people with the dream jobs in their hand
ah what would life be like to have something just so grand
so here I am my brain in circles sitting in my room
I'll be pondering this till old and gray and rotting in my tomb

I cannot decide
though many times I've tried
is it more frustrating
this stupid one way hungering
to love a specific man
to have had him in your hand
and now he's gone away
and you wait for the day
when he will return
and you forget about the burn
or is it worse
does it feel more like a curse
to hunt and hunt and see
each new face could it be he
each time you're given eyes
is he the one to end your tries
no I cannot decide
though many times I've tried
if more strength is required
or which makes you more tired
to wait and wait and hope and hope
to try to believe and cling to that rope
or to search and look and try out the new
and hope that you'll find your one love true?
waiting and hoping
or searching and groping
looking for love is a frustrating thing
it's best to just stop, and see what God brings

One little thing, or a thousand, it's hard to know
can't organize it, put it in a box
like a trillion stars bursting in all directions but somehow making sense, intricate designs upon designs upon designs
chaotic and complex, but beautiful in our complexity
they try to make it all work, to put together the puzzle
order, organization, stability, rules
Fear. Fear brings everything into perspective for some
and nothing makes sense to others. Spurring to action or inaction. Not all action is visible though. Invisible action the more powerful of the two by far. The pen, for instance, ever mightier than the sword. Takes much more action to use effectively and powerfully.
Sometimes things don't make sense to some, but perfect sense to others. Boxes are made for the dead, not for the things that run around in your head.

Oh teddy bear, just look at that stare
you sit on my bed with not a care
never complain when I squeeze to tight
don't steal the covers at all in the night
you're covered in lots of my salty tears
from heartbreak and pain throughout the years
you're not as soft as you were at the start
but I'm glad my mom put you in her shopping cart
thanks for your service but now that I'm 30
you're still a good bear but you're just a bit *****

old and gnarled like a little white oak
bending shifting creating some smoke
clad in plaid like an old country dad
before mom gets home, cleans up a tad
the wood catches fire, a beautiful blaze
he stands there proud as it catches his gaze
simply enjoying little things in life
peaceful right now but then in walks the wife
Like fire she's spirited, uncontrolled and wild
but not nearly as much as their firstborn child
he tinkers around on his little back porch
watching the wood burn as it starts to scorch
fire is burning all heated around
but he stands like an oak on his spot of ground

Reflecting shimmering as I look at you
you're me I see, but somehow there are two
one of them's wild, and reckless, and free
one thinks too much, can't just let things be
the first one travels and jumps off of stuff
the second works hard so there is enough
there must be a balance but I don't know where
so torn between you I'm pulling out my hair
I want nice things and a beautiful home
but I don't want to be stuck and not free to roam
I want a good job that I love and is "me"
like writing a book in a house in a tree
but the other me wants to make some money
and actually be taken somewhat seriously
decisions decisions as I try to "grow up"
but I'm Peter Pan and I'm totally stuck
If I give up my fun side and go for the money
I might be trapped where it never gets sunny
but if I give up the cash and chase after the sun
might have to work till I'm 90, and that isn't fun
one of you's brains and one of you's heart
which one is right? I don't know where to start
my heart has lead me to adventures untold
but my brain wants to know what else can unfold
i've followed my heart and she's struggled so long
my brain wants to taunt her and say she was wrong
as they stare at each other like strange cats in a path
the heart full of love and the brain full of wrath
the heart's always won, should the brain get a turn?
if I do that i'm scared we will watch the world burn
but if its the heart that I follow this time
am I just doomed to repeat this dumb rhyme?
insanity's the same thing again and again
expecting that maybe this time I will win
so maybe it's time to change up this story
and go for the "****" and the guts and the glory
one day I know that the two will entwine
then I won't have to choose 'tween my heart and my mind