Do you feel
As I have felt

With a mind
Lacking thoughts

Like an empty tomb
Buried in the earth

You used to lay with me, beside me
        And I dream of you now, as though you had never left

I have set out to destroy myself
In a lifetime of desperate moments
Let the festering oceans
Rage againt the cliffs
As I rage through
This farce - of peacefulness in life

When the Maker lay me in the earth
And the angels thronged about
With stars wrought in their hair
And cosmos soldered to their belts
The ageless bestowed to me a thread
And it was woven of memory
He did not give me wisdom
And I could not tear it apart
The maker wrapped this thread
And around my soul it stays
For part of me is part of the past
And all who dream are dreams past

I walk barefoot
On the pads of my toes
Down cobblestone streets
This is North
She is cold
But welcoming

I carry
The bottom half of my heart
In my left hand
And the top half of my thoughts
In my right
My hands are full
My heart broken
And my thoughts in disarray
Come walk with me
And you will know the truth

I do not wear my heart
Upon my sleeve
But still it beats
In palm and chest alike
Would that I could
Shake your hand
And give you
My fondest memories
It is not such
And still I wander along
To find an angel
Who's chest
I can place my heart into
To find a sinner
To take these thoughts
But I am lost
Lost
Lost with no direction

The angels wittled these words
Into the back of my head
And when I awoke in the morning
Liquor leeching out my veins
The pounding in my skull I heard
Like a chant and a prayer
Said such;

God's not a masochistic


I need you to know
In a world that blames the almighty
For the mundane and monotonous
That the one who can cease
The river of life to flow
Isn't showering you with pain
He just wants his plants to grow

If you asked me now
To my face
What I would have wished for
Since before birth
While I was still in the womb
To have, and carry
With me to the extinguishing
Of my numbered days
My answer would be such
And I would spit it
Into your face, your throat
And your eyes
So that it burned like hellfire
Into your stomach
I would need you to know
But more importantly remember
Like a scar
On the back of your hand
And a thought piercing your mind

It would be nothing foolish
Though futile nonetheless
I would not ask for a life without pain
Or the riches of the streets
That I awake the dust from
It would be just this

Spare me
Spare me the hopelessness
Let me not even taste it
Like metal in my mouth
And smoke from a dying fire
In my breath

Spare me the hopelessness
The mental end of the rope
The end of the line
The no more track,
We have already come to far
You can turn back
But for what
But
For what
And for who
And why

Just
Spare me the hopelessness

This life tried to take me by the horns
The world tried to lead me by a leash
And I choked
Choked out
On misery and despair
And I lay naked on the ice
With my nails scratching into the frozen ground
Trying to dig my own grave
Still trying to light my existence like a match
Just to feel
Feel something
And have it over take me
But still be unchanged
To taste
But not be consumed

I wanted to live
To wade in the water
To pour my love out
Like a river over the cliffs
And dash myself
With the waterfalls
Over the rocks
Again and again
And again

I would meet you in the stars
And we could dance with the sun
Coaxing her into a rising
To drench the horizon with her light
And the fill the earth with promise

And if you asked me
What would you take from the rest of the world
I would be silent
Fold my hands
Like a prayer in my lap
But my mind she would run
To the back of my teeth
And my voice she would catch
In the hollow of my neck
And what I wouldn't say is that, "I would take,
Take it all,
Ever bit of hope
From east and west and beyond the seas."

Because to fall into this
The tunnel with no light at the end
Is a death
I cannot live out

So spare me
Spare me the hopelessness

I would breathe my last breath into you
And I would know
Why some say
The taste of death is so sweet

Oh that the grey heavens would split open
Like a cavernous monster
And pour onto the earth
All her sorrows and pain