Through filmy window,
I saw her leave the last time,
  .  .  .  My hand on the pane.

You're like a balloon
And if I let my guard down
You'll float away and I'll be alone
Honestly, the only thing worse
Than not having you
Is having you but feeling like I'm yours
But you're not mine
My jealousy will be our undoing
It's only a matter of time
Because love hurts
It's just a game of who gets it first
And we're playing Russian Roulette with our hearts
I'm so ******* paranoid that you're with girls that aren't me
And I know I have to leave you
Before you can leave me

it's hard to sleep.
especially when
the moon shines too bright
through your window
your ribs still hurt from that fall
you took last wednesday
the guy you like still doesn't care
and that friend of his who wanted you so badly
got what he wanted
your knees are blue from falling to hug the toilet
ruining your tooth enamel once again
because you ate too much
your sister texted you, she's not happy
and she's too far away for you to visit
you haven't done your homework
you're so small and the house is so big
so quiet, so full of secrets
you can't face everyone at school
and the thought of going scares you
you don't know how to quit your job
man, your boss is gonna **** you
you're ugly and have gained weight
and some guy started a rumor that
you're a sleep-around
though you've never really been with anyone
but oh, people believe him

it's hard to sleep
so i don't

A bullet for breakfast never sounded so great,
If you only knew it was this bad, you'd beg me to wait,
Sorry babe, only one choice to make,
It wasn't mine from the start, god ****** up my brain,

Time to **** it up twice,
"That kid from school? But he was so nice..,
He was so funny, he made everyone smile",
I'm the only who knows you're lying, blood racing between tiles,

We're not all made like you,
White teeth, glowing smile,
Mom and dad always home, big house,only child,
See, god ****** up your brain too, but nowhere like mine,
You got lucky, you were born blind,
I was born with the biggest eyes,
Dullest voice and most active mind,
And right in the crown, that's where god signed,
"Sorry son, I couldn't do better, I'll see you soon though, don't forget to write your mom a letter".

Sitting at my desk, staring down at words.
Knowing that they mean nothing if they are never heard.
Wondering and thinking, what they might mean to you.
If you had of heard them, which you will never do.
Dotting I's with hearts, and making perfect lines.
The scripture is so beautiful, though i don't know why.
For you will never see this, so you will never know.
Because as soon as i have finished, in the garbage it will go.

One day i'll be brave.
One day i'll be wise.
One day i'll be able to look you in the eye.
Maybe i'll just say it,and use my voice for once.
But until i get that courage, i'll rip this paper up.

He told me that his father had been murdered
I picked the wine with the purple bird
and a beak shaped like a cork *****
ran into an old boyfriend at the liquor store
because life can be random with our emotions
his beard was already taking shape
one year of mourning marked by his son
it felt like a social gathering, looking out of
my window, how I had the best view in town
then, how the hospital below was excruciating
how his shirt had been covered in his father's blood
how he had not been able to talk to anyone
because he needed to be strong for them
how Dad had tried to bargain with his killer
and that image was giving him nightmares
he just wanted everything to feel normal again
a friend and neighbor
one glass of red
shoveling dirt until the casket was covered
his buddies were waiting at some guy's apartment
a helplessly sad hug goodbye
he smelled like Aveda, although I didn't mention it
how humans can walk and talk while dreaming nightmares
subliminal messages between the living and the dead

nobody warns you about the first boy who tells you he wants to marry you.

nobody warns you about the tangible shift in the universe when he parts his lips to smile.

nobody warns you about the poetry he'll write you or how your knees will weaken or the melancholy hidden between the layers of his laughter.

nobody warns you that miles will morph into lightyears and you will curse the ocean for being the only thing that keeps his fingers from resting between yours.

nobody warns you about the day his sweater doesn't smell like him anymore.

nobody warns you that human hands are incapable of holding a person together.

nobody warns you that sometimes love is not enough, no matter how much you wish it was.

nobody warns you about the crippling nostalgia that renders you breathless.

nobody warns you about the nights when silence screams for your blood.

nobody warns you about the crater that forms in your chest in the middle of the night when he doesn't answer.

nobody warns you about how it's going to feel when he tells you he's in love with someone else.

nobody warns you that forever is a lie.

- m.f.