My life has been long and hard.
But i have survived.
My life has been stressful, and difficult.
But i have survived.
My life has been short.
but it feels long and wasted.
My life has had its ups, and downs.
every night, i lay in bed, and wonder
"Will this be my final breath?"
"Will this be the ending of it all?"
"Will this be the end of the girl named lucy?"
I just wish, that i could be free.
Free from this body.
Free from this deadname.
Free from male pronouns.
Free from this male body.
But i will never truly be free.
as long as i live.

No One cares about this trainwreck.
No One wants this trainwreck.
No One loves this trainwreck.
EveryOne says they love me, But No One truly does.
EveryOne says they care about me, But No One truly does.
EveryOne says they want me to stay around, But No One truly does.
EveryOne says to me, "Life is better with you in it, Lucy."
But No One truly means it.
No One Wants Me Alive.
No One Wants Me.
No One Loves Me.
No One Cares About Me.

My iPod.
I got you, secondhand for Christmas of 2017.
When I looked through your hard disk....
I found music i never heard of.
My Chemical Romance, Queen, Michael Jackson, Prince.
You were my only friend during the rough times.
During the times I was crying in a corner, you were always close.
You were in my pocket, your hard drive holding years of music and and videos of happier times.
You were there when my great grandma passed on.
You helped me, through lonely teenage nights, to soothe my soul.
On the night that i nearly died, you were there.
Unlike a person, you will never leave me.

The day will come when i am with you
but it feels like an enternity away
the day will come that i can change my name
but it feels like an eternity away
the day will come when i can be free
but it feels like an eternity
but when i think of you
it never seems like an eternity
- Lucy Eliza 1/2/25