...a demented entity had entered me,
Imposing its will relentlessly,
I was moving nonsensically,
Blocking blessings that were meant for me,
These days I'm indecisive , And my vices are devisive,
My minds a rolling pair of dice and is the opposite of what paradise is..
Never been a better time to better myself.
I guess I had to go through things.
Never been a better time to bet on myself.
I guess its best to grow through things.
I never cared - I was careless ,
I feared being afraid - or maybe I was afraid to be fearless,
Thinking before I speak, I swallow my second guesses,
Sinking beneath my feet, I wallow in expected messes,
I guess I'm paradoxing, cause the problem could be possibly me,
Shadowboxing , dipping, dodging , but this pain I can't see,
Physically I'm fit, never been more mentally unhealthy,
Crazy how this emptiness can feel so heavy..
Still,
Filled to the brim, with testosterone and lighting,
I remember I used to walk like thunder,
these feelings I keep fighting, won't let em take me under,
Cause..
Some days I be feeling cloudy with a chance,
Others like I can build the twin towers with my hands,
Reality is different at first glance,
But this towels in my hands , washed clean ..tryin to save face,
Devoured the food for thought ,
But I forgot to sat my grace,
I can't gain from this wait,
A rare form of bulimia,
But belive me im breathing with the strength of bohemians,
The irony is that things unfolded to this exact moment in time,
I chose to dismantle MY solitude/ hopefully for something sublime,
It's funny how things work/
I guess I missed the punchline,
I'm at the used heart salesman/
standing in this lunch line ,
Missed my train of thought/
Too busy tryin to claim baggage,
Playing the cards I been dealt/
With this full house , im Bob Saget...

My fortitude is formed with the force of Brutus' crooked dagger in my back,
These fictional factualities ferment my mentality and thats a fact,
However I refuse to forfeit,
For I am fighting external forces with this existential forklift,
Uplifting my energy, channeling my inner G ,
When I step I centipede then with this the pen I bleed,
Think it's all a process of auto-biology,
I'm always overthinking- in need of an auto-lobotomy,
I'm the hero and the villian in my autobiography,
So its a automatic mutiny for this auto-autonomy,
It's self righteous how felt this self fight us,
It's shelf life is kelp like but felt like years ,
They say that legends never die,
Oh this lonely hell of mine,
The look of death ever present on my absent mind,
Long-winded, but these spurts of happiness are short-lived,
**** bingeing , cups overflowing with beer,
My thoughts Tinted, heavy drinking till I'm light-headed,
I don't eat or get sleep ,
Steady thinking, "where's my life headed??"
Need to stop running my mouth,
Too busy tryin to exercise these demons,
I keep pushing my luck, and im exhausted from this heaving,
Heavy breathing , and sold separately are these hellish hiccups,
My nightmare begind every mornin when I sit up...

Around this time, I felt like I was buried alive,
Around this time, I felt like I was buried in lies,
Around this ,time was suspended like berries on vine
Around this time , I shouldered everybody's burdens but mine,
Around this time, I had a sharp pain in my chest,
Around this time, Ironically, I couldn't find peace in rest,
Around this time,  periodically,  I had vivid dreams where I'd nest,
Around this time, I guess it's best to say i was depressed,
Around this time, I didnt think that i could make it,
Around this time, I couldn't smile, so I had to fake it,
Around this time, the truth I addressed and it was naked,
Around this time, I had a sickness, didnt think I could shake it,
Around this time,  deadass felt like I was in the matrix,
Around this time, steadfast, i held it together day to day kid,
Around this time,  thought my sadness to be infinite,
Around this time, my interactions were far from intimate,
Around this time,  the song in my head used foreign instruments,
Around this ,time moved in minuscule increments, 
Around this time, just existing was exhausting,
Around this time, my heart was stone cold Steve Austin,
Around this time,  I felt like I was dead but I was was walking,
Around this time, couldn't hear what was said but I was tolkin,
Around this time, it was hard for me to sit calm,
Around this time, life was like a sit-com,
Around this time, I hated uncle Sam and uncle Tom,
Around this time, I had blurred vision and sweaty palms,
Around this time,  my life was the opposite of masterpiece, 
Around this time, I was busy tryna master peace,
Around this time, I played the role of Romeo , not the son of master P
My juliet , still moody ,yet, found a way to master me,
Around this time, I almost had my soul on sale,
Around this time, I was afraid to fold or fail,
Around this time, I was blindsided,  felt the hurt like brale,
Around this time, I chose to have my truth unveiled, 
Around this time, I had a handful of missed calls,
Around this time, I had bad judgment and miscalls,
Around this time, I had less deposits than withdrawals,
Around this time, I had less ******* with wet drawls,
Around this time, I sat slumped with idol eyes,
Around this time , I struggled to get thoughts itemized,
Around this time, my congratulations were ionized
Around this time, I needed someone positive to idolize,
Around this time,  i lacked X's and O's. Couldn't make a play
Around this time, Inbox infested with ex's and hoes , couldn't stay away
Around this time, felt blood rush to my nose , couldn't stay awake
Around this time, my thoughts flood, I reaped what I sewed, I needed a break,
Around this time, I had the mindset of a fast fool,
Around this time, I had thought that cash ruled,
Around this time, I ate a lot of fast food,
Around this time, I was often in a bad mood,
Around this time, I had a distinct aura,
Around this time,  the horoscopes couldn't even scope my horrors,
Around this time, I felt like boots with no Dora,
Around this time,  I felt like kylie with no Sora
Around this time, I encountered a lot of false hearts
Around this time, i Had a lot of false starts
The happiness was very likely
The pain was felt under my armor a lot of things I didnt nike.