How do I tell you I want to die, without handing you the gun?

I hope he gives you the future he promised me in pink

I thought about swinging from the rafters, shakey knees and creaky floorboards. Shaken mothers and crying kids. A rope to pillow my descent.

Sleep to banish the sad, sleep to seep up the tears from my face, sleep to reap the benefits of death.

I finger myself to your words. Touched by yours truly, truly touched by yours

I wonder if you got caught or catched or just can’t

Talk to me

I felt the child grow between the cracks of trauma. Filling in the gaps, sweeping out the excess. Womb full of life when only death was promised to me. I watched winter come and go, and with it you went. I felt the hunger grow between the cracks of trauma. Filling in the gaps, sweeping out the excess.

I’d like to apologize for the skin I’ve separated. Severed and fileted in vein, literally. For the water fall rush of warm liquid that fills my palm, but doesn’t quench my thirst. For the pain I can’t carve out and can’t seem to get enough of. For the Carnegie that is my bathroom floor, an ice skating rink for the depressed.

I always wear my glasses on top my head, to think clearer.

I mean do you know how much love I harbor for you. Waiting for you to come back. Not even a drip slips out in your absence.

today I shopped, I shopped because the pounds had dropped. Sunk to the bottom of my ghost town stomach. Melted out of my sunken eyes, dripped from my cracked lips.

The changing room lights accentuated the rolls and zig zags in my stomach. The lighting strikes and scars that the battle at the dinner table left behind.

My heart is nothing but aches, it quakes through my whole body.