Nothing mattered, other than the desperation of needing each other.
Just that consummated closeness.
A craving.

Speechless like an undertow,
Barreling towards the sandy coffin you always expected but never wanted to admit.

Breathless like tongue tied gills,
The light ebbing from your eyes, the water is cooler inside.

Lifeless like when he tells you he doesn’t have the capacity to love you but he has fallen for another.

We’re all speechless in this undertow, barreling unexpectedly expecting to be hurt but not quite ready for that sting. I am breathless from tying my tongue with yours every night for months and never being kissed back. I am calm, I am collected, I am collecting myself from you. My life is less without you but I am more.

I wanna have enough friends that two people can carry the cake out when they sing happy birthday

I’ll tuck the tears back behind my eyelids.
Keep them closed like the window on the fourth floor my mom always kept locked so I wouldn’t leap.

You put your head on my leg, weighing it down. But weight doesn’t make you stay. Weight doesn’t anchor you to the bay. Weight can keep you afloat, lighter than the water. Heavier than the waves. It can keep you warm during a winters storm. Safe from frigid contrasts. You put your head on my leg, weighing it down.

I cut it off and crawled away

With every tale of a past adventure, you told me how you’re going to leave me in the future.

I started writing but I stopped eating

If I could be on the brink, I’d be on the edge of you. ******* down from the high, height. Steepened with deepened strokes.

You draped this mantle round my shivering shoulders, tied it tightly to my neck. Kept the cold out and the anxiety in. You birthed a bouquet of depression, and you fill my vase every chance you get. Kept the cold out and the anxiety in. Bestowed upon me this token of toting your baggage around.

I judge you for your idols and superstitions,
But here I am, praying for you to love me. Hoping beyond hope if I zip my lips and sit on my fists you will

Willingly bill me for a kiss still lingering on your lips. Sweat stained sheets. I’d apologize if I had the guts, but I gave them to you.

The worst things last for 30 minutes
The best things last for 30 seconds
Life happens between those moments.

How do I tell you I want to die, without handing you the gun?