Sorry Love ..

I Did It. I Used.
Why? Because of You.
I'm Hurting And Stressing.
My broken Heart Couldn't stay strong any longer.
Im Overwhelmed.
I'm Tired hearing "I'm Sorry." When You don't mean it and Do the same thing all over.
My affection and Love is fading.
I Can't Continue giving you my all.
When All You give me Is Betrayal.
The Decisions and actions You Chose Are The Reason To My **** Talking and ****** mood.
Should I Stay Or Leave You?
What Do I Win And What Do I lose.

What If i Do Relapse.
Take A Line or A Hit.
What If i do go back To my old Addictive Ways?
What happens next ?
Will You Give me another chance and Help me over come it for the millionth time?
Support me and be by my side.
Or Will You Stop Being My Friend and Never speak to me Again?
Forget me like I was
no one in your life.
I Question Myself
What's better For me.
Being sober & depressed.
Being high & Feel no emotions.
The question Will remain ..

I Can Hear Her calling.
She Senses My unhappiness.
She can feel My Misery.
She Used To Come Right over. Now, She doesn't have the power.
What she does is try to convince me From a distance.
She tells me Amazing Things.
She Reminds me of the good times We had and how good it felt.
Her words are powerful.
The more I listen, closer she gets.
Although She's very lovable And The bestest Friend you can have .
She's extremely evil.
She Slowly Tricks me into Letting her get closer To me.
I Now have control over that.
Back then i didn't.
As Soon as she called, I followed.
I Worked so hard to Not Be Able To Say yes And Hold back from playing with her Now.
But lately....
She's been Coming around more frequently . She tells me Everything I want to hear and It's becoming harder for me to Not listen. She's very smart .
For That reason, I'm worried.
I feel So unsure.
Do I relapse Or do I let it go ?
I've been Clean for 2yrs.
I did it on my own. Thankfully.
She Asks me If I'm sober, Then why am I still unhappy?
she Tells Me What's The point of being Sober And yet still sad ?
She reminds Me of the Satisfying feelings She Provides.
She Tells me "Why be Unhappy and Sober. When You can be Unhappy but feel amazing"
I have been feeling So tempted Lately. These arguments With my Bf Are Making me want to give up. they are giving me strong temptations. I can feel My Mind Weaken ..

You Are my biggest trigger.
Baby, You Are Pushing Me.
I'm Scared To Fall.
But The Pushing is getting strong.
Baby, I'm Scared.
I'm Scared At the fact That I'm Not Afraid. Too much on my brain.
My Pain Is Building Up.
I'm running low on Space.
I'm sorry but I can't tolerate!
This is Becoming to much.
Many arguments Left unresolved.
Baby I Can't take this Anymore.
The Fighting & broken promises.
I've held strong for long .
I'm getting to that Point ..
Where I'm Going To Give in.
I'm not happy, I'm So miserable.
They told me Sobriety Is the best feeling ever. Why aren't I Joyful?
Why am I still Depressed !
Baby, I've told You many times.
Please change . Please treat me nice. Show Me How great life is Sober. It's You Who wants me Drug free. I Cleaned up For You.
I Quit For You. You promised To show me how great life is off drugs.
I'm Still waiting ..
I'm Waiting For You To treat me like Your queen. I'm Eager To Live happy with You & off drugs.
To Smile , Enjoy life and Love each other.
So Baby? When Does it start ...
Why Do You Still Treat me Unfair?
Why Do You Still do things that make me Feel Upset. Why am I Living The opposite of what you said? I Fought temptation Many Times. I Managed To Not relapse Through Times I Should Have.
I've been Strong. For You..
like I Said, I'm weakening .
What's The Point of staying sober?
I'm starting to forget. I'm Starting to lose faith in sobriety.
You want me To Be Kind & Sweet.
Respectful, loving & caring.
You want me to play wifey.
Baby, Why must I Stay around?
If You Ignore me Whenever.
You Forget About me Easily.
You don't care how I'm feeling.
I'm Supposed To Be Positive.
Stay happy, Kiss and love you unconditionally.
You want me to show You affection.
Treat You like A King And be at your service .
I Am A Puppet, Your prisoner.
I Don't find This Fair. We are supposed To Be even.
Why Did You make me your gf?
Can You tell me What was The point of Quitting Drugs ?
I Changed my lifeStyle for You.
You Wanted Me To be Yours.
You promised me A better life.
I Am Yours now & im So Unhappy.
I have been Loyal, truthful & Loving.
You Have Been Unfaithful, Careless and Lieing.
It hurts me To know You Said "I'm Pushing You away" with My constant Tripping & arguing .
It crushes my heart. How do You not see That it's You that's causing me? How do You not see How Careless You Are About my feelings. I'm the only one With The privilege To say "your pushing me away". You have Done Things That I should have Left You For. Yet I've never Told you "Your pushing me away" I put up with Your ******* a lot. I forgive and forget everything.
Yet, You Are the one losing interest in me? That hurts.
Im Strongly attached To You.
I'm So used To Being with You.
You Are My daily Task & routine.
My Life and choices revolve around You. Your the center Of My World.
I'm Sprung, I'm obsessed , I'm in love with you Popa.
I gave up drugs To Be With You.
You became My new Addiction.
I Do everything You Ask me To.
In return, I Get tears running down My cheeks and feelings Hurt.
I Am Changing.
Im No longer A Fool Like I was before. Where I let you Walk over me and Treat me however And Still love and Sweet talk With You.
I Don't Show You Much affection Anymore . Why? You give me no reasons To Be Lovable.
I'm Arguing More Frequently.
Why? You are giving me many reasons To Be negative with you.
Listen Closely Baby ...
I'm Tired of all Your b.s.
Tired Of You doing whatever.
Im Tired Of Not being treated how I was promised in the beginning.
I can't continue Being played like a fool. I can't keep moving forward in a relationship where I'm not happy.
I'm Drifting baby, Hope you Notice.
Hope you realize It's because of Your decisions and Doing as You please. It's the Lack of affection, And The fact That You don't think whether your choices hurt my feelings. The fact that You break promises and Do things behind my back.
I've Done Nothing As Bad As You.
If I have? It's because of You.
You Always come first in my agenda. I always Think about your feelings and how Certain things will Affect You.
You Want Me To stop arguing And talking ****.
It all Starts With You.
You just have to Do Right and Not things That Get me angry.
Treat me With Love.
You will Get the same back plus much more ...

We Break up
Then We Make Up.
We argue & Talk ****.
Then we Get Close And touch lips.
Grab me by my hips
And start feeling on my ****.
Soft kisses
Turned to aggressiveness & hard breathing.
******* Slowly
Steady leaning, as I have my hands around your waist.
Saliva running down my face
As I Move my head around.
I love how you taste.
Getting lead to the bed, you lay down.
I Look into your eyes
Ask if you're ready for the ride.
You Instantly say yes
As I climb your feeling on my thighs.
The feel of the slide makes my kitty feel as if in paradise.

Im not Going to go on
If all we do is argue on & on
I Can't Keep Up.
Fighting With Both my relationship & sobriety & trying to remain positive.
We Talk nonsense
We Never sit down and work it.
We just let it pass bye.
Im Not liking this anymore
Being more mad at eachother than smiling & laughing.
We say were going to work it out
It all seems to get worser to me.
I Want to be with him
But the experience is hurting.
So many wrongs
We don't seem to even get along.
Friends & enemies
At the same time.
You can't see yourself without me & i can't see myself being without you.
But its probably the best thing..

My Bright Light.
The Turn for help & support.
My Dark light.
The Turn For Blame & Shame
I Thought The only feeling a bf is supposed to make you feel is loving.
Why am i experiencing the opposite.
All Day Arguing.
About some misunderstanding or nonsense.
He Wants me to grow up & change but how if He has me tied to a chain.
Can't expect A Sad person to stop crying if the only things that revolve them are hurtful.
Yes He Makes me happy
But it quickly turns into a froun once he starts talking about
All The b.s i should still be feeling bad about.
Instead of Putting new thoughts in my head that will be helpful for my future. He Puts back the ones that is ruining and holding me back from being successful.

I Want To Have A Future With You.
Create A Life Become Your Wife And Have Babys Too.
Both Become successful and Live an Amazing life together.
Remain
Loyal And Faithful
Honest & respectful
True to our love for eachother.
I Want to Start Fresh
Hold No Grudges Or Resentful Feelings
i Want to let go Of the past
The mistakes the lies and broken promises .
i Want to make things right
Do Things As A Team
Keep eachother hopeful and be supportive
i love you so much
theres so many other things

He's A Special Person In My Life
iValue him So Much, He brings me light
Without Him i Dont feel complete
Hes The other half of me.
Hopefully
Its Forever, together
Long lasting Happy memories
Robbie
i Love you baby
Your My Everything, Keep me smiling
giving me feelings ive never felt before.
You Are An Inspiration .
i Wish i would have met you long ago.
I Never want to let you go.
You Make Me Feel safe
You Make me Want to improve
Yes we have many more downs than ups
but soon it will be only laughs
its impressive seeing all we've been through
and how we have last.
when your not around me, i feel lonely and sad
i Love Your company and comfort
il give up anything just to be with you
by your side is were i always want to be
you make me feel
joyful and loved
every second with you is special to me.

I Used to Doubt
But Now I See and believe
You Really Love me.
Alll the Things You Have Done
Have made me feel lovely
i Dont deserve It.
iDont Know How your still Around.
Lack Of Maintaing Clean
Havent Been quite focused.
I see you understand me and help me control this.
im Sorry for all the wrong ive provoked, You deserve
so much more.

iHave Your Mind
In Circles.
Stressed And Worried over me.
All Because of my disease
Yes I know its so unfair
That You Have to go through this
Through My Comedown And Rages iThrow All
Because of tweak.
Your Minds In Trama
Because Of what you know about my past
Feeling Tortured
Once i Spoke About the lies ive told you.
This Problem i Have Affected Us Too.
Its daily Thoughts & Doubts
Wether im really where i Say Im At
If il Pick Up Or if i used.
Instead Of Missing me And waiting till You See me
Having Thoughts Of Always Wanting to be with me
You Have the complete Opposite
Cause you dont know If you should believe me

Late night Walking.
My Bfs Out Drinking
& were both arguing.
All Black Chevy,
Cruising Down The City Lights.
Memories of Getting High
Swipe by My Mind .
Homies Spitting Raps To
The Beat That's Bumping.
Its Been So long since I Kicked Back,
But is this right ?
An old clique ?
A Bad Crowd That Can Make My life go downer Than what it is.
Why'd I Hop in ?
My emotions
were getting the best of me
so I gave in to spend a good time
just how my baby is somewhere out there in the streets.
Drinking His Treat.
To Forget All his problems and ******* with his friends.
I've Been Dealing With All this nonsense sober lately .
No surrounding Changes.
Whether I'm clean or ***** everything flows the same.
It Took A Second
Now I'm Back Were I Belong,
its The Drugs That make me crave so hard. My loneliness enables to it.
Here I Am, Relapsing.
Once The Homie Pulled Out the sack,
I Got A Bit Of Fat rocks then crushed. Rolled and snorted Up.
Now I'm High, I'm on one.
Temptation Blinded Me.
There was no positivity in my brain to have stopped me.
I Was Just So Fed Up with all my mistakes and **** ups.
I Couldn't Think Of My Boyfriends Disappointment because he was already disappointing Me?
I Usually Feel Bad About This, I still do. Just not as much.
I dont know, my minds just unwind & lose