It’s with heavy heart I pen this verse
Watching your father pass in the hearse
Takes me back to that night in the shed
When you said, this is like fireworks
It was,  I dropped the cigarette on the petrol can
Still, as I remarked not many sheds get a technicolour funeral
He was beyond reason
Not helped when rumours of ***** magazines started circulating
He told me straight, marry my daughter and I’ll **** myself
So we married in haste
But he didn’t keep his promise
What a waste
Still, when that great oak fell on top of his new shed
I had a grin from ear to ear
It was like the chainsaw massacre, but more fun
It was about that time you found god
I found your sister
You forgave me, I was weak
She was pregnant, sixteen weeks
Your dad went mad, he said I was the devil incarnate
Then he dropped dead
They looked at me in horror, in dread
Like it was something I said
Do something they cried
I didn’t know any songs, so I punched him between the eyes
He was definitely dead
I carried the coffin
The least  I could do
I shed a tear, maybe two
We decided to scatter his ashes over his pride and joy
But they couldn’t be found
The crematorium were in shock, people were running around
It was like he just disappeared
I was agog
Couldn’t see the mist for the smog
Later that day, just to console
I produced a big rocket
Really his soul
I set it off, and said goodbye
They had a little cry
It climbed high in the sky
They gave a sigh
Should it not explode
Well it is supposed to go with a bang
Just then it made its descent
It was like he was heaven sent
Plummeting to earth
Mad as hell
We all dived for cover
Just as well
She screamed, oh god, oh boy
No need to tell you where he landed
Okay then
His comfort and joy.

The priest came on at Paddington
Sat across from me
I nodded in a nonchalant way
He gazed inside of me
So strange
Like he knew
Where I was going to
Mrs Black, just ***
Well that’s not really true
There was her friend
But that was because Mrs Black had the flu
You can understand the sacrifice I made
I know you can relate
Don't look at me like that
I was getting round to Pat and Jill
But you should know
They said they were on the pill
I know I don't see the kids
You can understand
Being a man of the cloth
The busy lives we lead
Time just gets away
I suppose in a way we’re both the same
Tending to our flocks
Putting the world to rights
Me and you
We are the few
He got up to leave
I feel his hand on my sleeve
Enough said
He punches me on the head
I’m in total confusion
He makes the sign
Go with god my son
I've administered your absolution.

Flying used to be a treat,
Fighting over the window seat,
Peanuts, (free) and lunch at noon
The next flight couldn’t come too soon.

Now, it’s quite the opposite
It seems no matter where I sit
The person sitting next to me
Carried four bags on (so they were free.)

And now we go through TSA
(Where half full water gets thrown away)
Hurry, get in line, and wait
Incoming plane is running late.

Finally, boarded, seatbelt on,
We know it’s time the plane is gone
But on the tarmac we still sit
We think a flight attendant quit.

The pilot says, “We’re next in line.”
“I’ll do my best to make up time.”
And try he does, but it’s too late,
The connecting flight has left the gate.

“I’m sorry, Sir”, they say with guile
They don’t even try to smile
If on time you must arrive,
You’d better rent a car and drive.
PwL  3/31/16

Ol' Jack Horner
Sat in a corner
Eating his curds and whey
Along came a spider
That sat down beside him
Jack slapped that spider dead
Mixed him in with his curds and whey
And enjoyed the extra protein
"MMMMMmmmmmmm" said Jack
"Deeee-licious"!

math test in three hours
don't know math, but what a great
time for some haiku poetry

A worm wanted to know what it would be like
to rise above the filthy dirt in which he wallowed.
So, he climbed and climbed, inching his way to the top.
Finally sticking his head above ground. He was able to
smell the green grass and see the blue sky. Moments
before becoming breakfast, er, then bird splat.

I just heard, that Maple Syrup
Will stimulate your brain
It’s those Tau Peptides
That you will then retain

Even though, I have Diabetes
I just can’t wait to start
All that sugar, is bound to **** me
But at least, I should die smart
WIZDUMB BY JA 668

yo, buddy...
dere's a secret to dis.
First of all,
a good, sturdy bed
of veggies;
carrots, onion, celery
chopped up fine.
Take your time
preparin' 'em.
Start a slow, steady heat.
It softens 'em up.
Now, dose tomatahs.
Y'gotta put your hands on 'em, see?
Firm, ripe globes
is what you're after.
Peel da covers off 'em,
and work 'em gently.
Get your hands right in dere.
Y'should have
a little moisture there by now.
Now, just keep da heat on low
and let things simmer for a bit.
Here's where you add your spice,
whatever floats your boat.
As mild or as hot as you like.
Whatever you do,
keep stirring now.
There may be a little foam
around da edges;
not to worry.
Just lower da heat a little,
so she doesn't boil too quick.
Now, be patient.
If you can let 'er cook for an hour,
dat's good.
Da longer, da bettah.
Soon, da smell
will be everywhere.
Lean in close and get a taste.
A little more spice
at da end, and

**BAM!!!