I made up a list
Of what I like to do
Then went out for a job
That matched my point of view

Since I like to lay around
In the position of lazy
I figured  a furniture store
Wouldn't be too far off crazy

So I reclined the recliners
And slept in the beds
Got comfy on the couches
Because it's what I do best

I figured they'd call me
When they saw how qualified
I was at doing nothing
In this know nothing life

The next thing on my list
Was my fondness for food
So I hit up a buffet
With an executive work attitude

I piled my plate high
To show off my mad skills
Quite the balancing act
As not a drop did I spill

When I asked for a job
They told me to get out
I guess it's rude to interview
With food in your mouth

Last on the list
Was my love for T.V.
So I head to Best Buy
To see if they would hire me

They had so many stations
I sat there all day
Flipping through channels
Forgetting the reason I came

This day of job hunting
Has worn me quite thin don't you know
So back home I sit around
And call it all self employed

The life and the soul of the party
He was always cracking jokes,
Ever so hale and hearty
When he hung with other blokes.
We all thought he had a funny name,
Have you heard of Astrakanz?
Neither had we, but joked that he
Had an uncle, Cola Cans.

We didn’t know where he came from
He was mute when we asked him that,
Somebody said a planet which
Had been known as Astrakat,
All that he said was, ‘What of you,
Have you read Omar Khayyam?’
When we said no, he said, ‘I know
Exactly who I am.’

He came across as a mystery
But he made it sound like fun,
And though he often was wistful, he
Would carry an x-ray gun.
He said that he used it only
For looking for kidney stones,
And sometimes checking for aliens,
For aliens had no bones.

He seemed a favourite with our wives
Who said that he was well hung,
Then somebody said that he should be,
From a maple tree, or gum.
When he passed the cake at parties
He would say, ‘from Astrakanz,
This is the only cake you’ll get
Not touched by human hands.’

And then one night at a Barbecue
There had been a Moon eclipse,
When out of the sky from nowhere
Came a couple of alien ships.
He said, ‘Well fellas, I have to go
Now they’ve come for me, my fans,’
Then waving, as he clambered aboard,
‘All the best, from Astrakanz!’

David Lewis Paget

A drunken ould sot named O'Reilly
Drank a bottle he thought of most highly.
On his way to the well,
He stumbled and fell,
And was hoist upon his own shilleilly.

~

he knew the hour had come,
to keep a promise he had made.
the time to settle up,
and now a note that must be paid.
the price he’d never argued,
the terms... oh, these were clear;
but he’d not imagined this,
the cost of giving up
his freedom he held dear.
in retrospect he could have run,
he surely wouldn’t be the first;
but it was something in her eyes
that said, “boy, this ain't your worst
nightmare!  trust me hon,
to leave would be a downward slide.
best stay and walk this aisle, love,
it don't pay to leave behind your bride.
my brother’s worn his runnin’ boots,
and daddy brought his gun;
his hound dog knows your scent,
try runnin’ boy, you might be done.
if i were you i’d weigh the odds,
and besides...
is it me you fancy on your arm?
or would you wish instead
the jaws of daddy’s dog?”

~

*post script.

not my story, just my wild imagination running down the street. the thought of it made me smile and when i read it to my sweet wife she chuckled aloud. so if you did too, i will consider my work here to be done!  enjoy, my friends!!
(: Steve