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cjesus Jul 2018
You are the shell
Of a girl I once knew
I no longer recognize
The words you speak
Or the way you move
Behind your eyes
I still see the old you
Trapped inside
Scared
cjesus Jul 2018
I look at old photos of us
And rather than seeing myself
I see the emotion that I had
Get a taste of what I once felt
Feel the breath I once held
I wish I could take that moment back
And live there for an eternity
Reliving that time seems better
Than creating new memories now
Ever since I tasted your sweetness
All new experiences seem sour
I want to surround myself with happiness
But these pictures just won't do
So I must burn all traces of you
Photos are a good way to savor old memories, but can also hold you back, keep you stuck in those times even once they have passed. Sometimes you need to let go, and let the memory fade away.
cjesus Jul 2018
It seems that
Everyone I meet
Has a hole
Beneath their breast
They walk around
And act complete
Despite lacking love
A gaping space
In the middle
Of their chests
I fill all
That I can
But can't complete
What they miss
cjesus Jun 2018
Your light
Shines in the night
My soul
Lost and so confused
You guide
Me from the dark
My savior
From past times demons
Your illumination
All I focus on
A safehaven
I can concede in
Your warmth
Pulls me towards you
Into light
Out of the dark
I owe
It all to you
Thank you
For waking me up
Thank you to the people that pull me from the depths of darkness and save me from myself. I owe everything to you.
cjesus Jun 2018
***
The sour grapes of death
Are brewed to make this wine
That God force feeds us

The taste is bitter
The color is dark
And the smell is rank

We may not be thirsty
Yet  he will pour
Filling us with despair

We will suffer
Drown in our agony
Be consumed by our torment

But come one day
We will see
It was all for the better
xxxtentacion was my idol. He taught me to express myself in a raw way I thought I never could. Today he was killed and I mourn for him. This is a tribute to X
cjesus Jun 2018
The discussion of politics occurs,
Over cups of lukewarm earl grey.
Obsidian tea occupies an ivory ***,
My hand stumbles and the sweet grains miss my drink.
They fall to the ground and scatter the rich soil below me,
Herbal notes are enough to distract me from my surroundings for the moment.
A thin shadow rests upon me,
Cast by the barren trees that forsake the living.
Clinking china rings in the air,
But is not enough to mask the sounds of suffocation.
I continue to pour my drink into my mouth,
As the rope around me neck beings to tighten.
This tea is too sweet I think to myself,
While my feet are lifted from the ground.
The cup drops from my hand,
and the cotton tablecloth is stained crimson.
cjesus Jun 2018
I bring you a gift
Wrapped in silk
A scarlet bow
Sits on top
With much glee
You open it
Inside lies my heart
Your face
Does not match
The reaction I expect
You pick it up
Examine it closely
Before dropping it
Stomping on it
You smirk at me
Laughing to yourself
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