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Lonely days lonelier nights
Staring blankly at the flickering screen
Or simply into a distance
Where nothing but pain awaits

It is not a kind pain
Not the pain of the body that heralds healing
Or reminds me not to do that
Not a brief pain

It is a pain of the soul
A pain so deep and timeless it will never leave me
A pain of the mind
Bringing night terrors and days of torment

How many ways have I tried to fix myself
My broken self my empty heart
My fatal addictions
My distractions from reality

I can't count them all
I could not find a solution
Each failure reinforcing the lie
That next time it will be fine

I surrender to my despair
To my infinite darkness
Waiting in vain for a twin soul
To make a human connection
I’m the man humming to himself in the corner.
The one you will not notice,
until ten years down the road
when it’s last call,
and the dance floor has begun to clear.

When you are left all alone.

                                But that is fine,
                                                           I honestly don’t mind.

   I have a flask in my pocket and the taste of trouble on my lips.

I do enjoy dancing now and then, but never mind going home alone.
Sometimes it is preferred.

You will walk up to me
    and timidly ask
                              through drunken words
            for my hand to dance.

I will smile and answer,

“No.”

Then I will softly brush away the tear running down your cheek
and leave you to drown
under all the bridges you have burned.
Sorry everyone, but I am really ******* lately.
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