My mentor was your friend
He spoke so animatedly of your passion and humor
You were the single light bulb in a closet of clutter
I wish I could've experienced your soul
I was told you were bright and kind like the morning sun
No one knew the dark cloud behind your golden rays
You were my father, though you never knew it
Showing me that father figures always had my best interest
Your shadow hasn't left us
We miss your smile, genuine or not
It hurts me knowing that I'll never get to make you smile back.

my heart has turned to burlap
knotting itself up so it won’t remain open
so it can’t let you soften me up like purple wax in the sun
no more
you’ve spread your love so thin that i can see through it
blatantly watching you singing the same lullaby with your heart-shaped eyes to everyone
and i still want you

momentum and fragility builds in my legs and hands
my toes curl and empty air beneath them begins to buzz
an electrical current that is blue and gold begins to
make love
and sends bolts up my vertabrae stopping at my
knees that are knobby and bruised
heart that is tired of being bitter
brain that is foggy from sleepless nights and false realities
the neurological star scape that erupts inside my head in that moments wipes away every doubt i have
for five minutes, i won’t care

There’s a void inside my chest
It’s vast and deep and penetrating
My shoulders sink
Gentle embraces and long kisses
fill it up
But in the end
The creator was you

when we are together we don’t exist in air

we float

in the ocean
in the foam
in the waves
both curled and harsh
with roaring vengeance
and tucked in tendrils
that offer teal foam
to the parched sand
so generously

I want you to teach me how to pronounce my name again because I forget it from moaning your’s so many times

I want to see your face and body’s reflection amongst a hall of broken mirrors and still marvel in your steadfast opulence