I’m falling for you

I don’t want to

I’m scared

Scared you won’t love me

for who I really am.

I’m scared nobody would love the real me if they saw it.

That’s why i don’t tell anyone what goes through my head

You’ll probably be over a thousand miles away by August anyway.

Maybe this was my way of saving myself from future heartbreak

We don’t talk about it, but I feel an unspoken tension

Casual relationship…or so I thought

I didn’t want to be the first to drop the bomb

So I guess I jumped on the grenade and blew myself to pieces

Pieces you don’t want to put back together

Why would you want to?

I’m not your problem. I tell you that all the time.

I’m so self destructive

I’m used to treating myself like ****

And other people treating me like ****

I don’t think I knew what to do when you came along

and you were nice to me.

You never fought with me. Never criticized me

You didn’t exactly support everything I did, but you did no harm to my mentality that I wasn’t already doing to myself.

I didn’t know what to do with someone who actually liked me

Even if it wasn’t genuine (you say it was)

It was the most genuine I’ve felt in a while

I laugh at the boys with their falsified intentions
The only thing I do is steal his attention
I must appear a bit too naive
I falsely wear my heart on my sleeve
with my sleeves rolled up so he can see my "heart"
he'll trust me with his, open up from the start
Only to crash, diving head first into me
I'm draining the water while you float in the sea

I don't wish to be defined by my beauty
You might not really like me if you knew me
Seasons changed and the wind blew free
Pretty women hold pain, one day you'd see

They smile during rainstorms and cry in the sun
Within the angel is a fully loaded gun
Shoot the arrow, mind is narrow
and while it's easy to find comfort in the curves of her smile
Soul is eternal while beauty just lasts a while.

I don't want my beauty to define me
If you really knew me you wouldn't like me

Bodies move south
Heat rises
Frowns curl upward
Minds open
Mile after mile
We sleep
The music plays
I listen
Signs direct us
We follow
How much longer?
We're there.

You never support the ideas that I have
We're two different people, I'm not saying it's bad
Maybe we just aren't as good a match as we believed
You hide behind your ego, I wear my heart on my sleeve

I never stick to anything for more than a few weeks
Habits die harder than young love, it's so bleak
I never finish anything, my creation is disaster
But if destruction's a form of creation, call me.. "Creative Master"

I am idling.
Energy escapes through the open window, while the window of opportunity remains cracked on the far side of the room.
A mountain of doubt so high, I'm afraid I may fall upon climbing.
Afraid I may fail upon trying.

There are land mines under your skin
is that the reason you won't let me in?
Fully, I mean; there's parts that I've seen
But you've built a wall, it's tough and it's tall
and I doubt you'd know how to break through at all.
Even if you tried to climb, you'd probably fall.
How many bridges can two people share?
You burn them all down and leave me to repair.
You should try to approach a bridge that we've built,
take my hand and cross it, without giving me guilt.
I'd travel across waters with you
on the bet that maybe someday you'd be true.
Do you not see what you've put me through?
This wall I've torn down to get closer to you?
At any moment you're destined to blow
Your current grabs me, I'm stuck in the undertow

just because you love someone with all your heart
doesn't eliminate the opportunity for you to spread your love
love everyone and everything
love the walls around you, love the air you breathe, love the people who brought you into this world and the ones who brought them into this world, love your friends, love their friends, love your neighbor
there is enough love in your heart for everyone, including you. so love yourself first, but don't keep your love. give it to everything.

My feet are cold but yours are so warm
they're just bones but it's comfort and I feel at home
Dozing off
Blurred lines dont tell where you end and I begin
and thats just the way you want me
Just the way you want me to be

It might make you angry that I didn't kiss you
A lesson to be learned, I'm not here to please you
You can't always get what you want all the time
Opportunity came and went, you should note the signs
I'm sure my refusal instilled some resentment
But taking control gave me such contentment
You can't always get what you want all the time
I'm no longer yours and you've never been mine

I could write poetry about the way he touches me
But can't seem to describe how when he looks me in the eyes
I can feel his vulnerabilities seeping out of his skin for me

The tips of his fingers are ecstacy running up my spine
His palms are floating life boats that would never leave me behind

He makes me want to slow down time
and fast forward to see what we'd find

If I give you closure will you finally let me close the door?
There's nothing much left to say, you can't ask for much more
Ducking all your phone calls like I am too busy for this
No longer in it to win, no longer looking for Vin
But you don't get that, you think it's about other men
Don't want to say it again, but it's not about other men
You put on a show like I was your world
And I'm doubtful that you'll ever know the weight of your words
But their breaking your shoulders
One more thing you just wish that you told her
Over and over
And you just wish you could hold her

Yes this is my house, but this house is not a home,
i struggle to find my own among the ones who seem so whole,
i fear that ill never be half of whats asked of me
but who are they to preach about a life that they don't lead
if i ever taste defeat ill lick my lips and ill agree
that this time its mine and i know nothing comes for free
so shine like a dime, know it works itself out in time
as long as i keep sane in my mind i know that ill be fine
the biggest problem i can find is these bags under my eyes
heavy like i've been cryin, but im just high tryin
drinking fine wine in the sunshine for a lifetime
or maybe im just high daydreaming of when ill fly

We used to have a clear definition. Everything was easy. He slept on the left side of the bed. I had a toothbrush at his place and vice versa. I threw his out when he broke up with me. I think I did it for the symbolism. Mine is still in his bathroom. I think he just forgot it was there.

Is it completely crazy for me to want to date other people so I can mess things up, put the pieces back together and learn from it? I want the combination of experiences to teach me how to love you selflessly, better than ever before, so it won't be your heart that aches once more.

I love nostalgia
it makes me cry
Thinking of those good times
when I used to feel alive
Never thought about what it would be like to die
I almost know how it feels to start losing a life
Shaving days off of mine without blinking an eye
You'd think I'd pull the trigger with all this talk of goodbyes
But I'll never fully grasp the concept of why

She rests her head on the belly of his guitar while he strums and plucks,
feeling the vibrations and thinking how the moment might last longer if she resists the urge to let her heavy eyelids fall..
but since the soothing sounds are so sweet she slowly but surely succumbs to sleep
and dreams
while he keeps strumming along, playing his favorite songs

laughing
   the clanking of pots and pans
   squeaks of springs as bodies rise and fall
   full couches
   full lungs
   high ceilings
   white clouds climb the walls and hide in the far corners
   more laughter and I start to wonder what could be so funny
   these are lives
   beating hearts
   effortless inhales and exhales
   living for the sake of being alive
     and the hopes of good times

Long nights under bright lights
Internal fist fights
Will I be the one who shines tonight?
Can I call you mine tonight?
Heavy feet hit the ground
Speed it up or slow it down
Change the pace to win the race
Can you show me how?
Living fast and living large
It's my night but you took charge
I put my faith in your hands
You showed me life is far from bland

We can't figure it out
Let it figure itself out
Hope it figures itself out
Like a kid with no direction
No motivation but strive for perfection
The destination remains unclear
so we kick and scream until again we're here
Make up your mind and stop ******* with mine
'All we need is time'; the most ******* line
What happened to when all we needed was love?
*Those days have been murdered and sent up above

When you are sad
and don't know why
You make excuses
for why you cry

You call me and tell me you love me
I say that I can't anymore
A quick 'good night' and I hang up
To you I sound strong and secure

But after you're no longer with me
My heart falls right out of my chest
Knowing I'm no longer with you
And knowing that it's for the best

My hands are tied
You've lost your mind
My hands are full
You're a handful
So now it's time
to loosen my grip
and let you slip
right through my fingers

I want to break down in front of a stranger
I don't want them to ever know my name
I feel safer spilling my doubts on paper
I want to hear from those who feel the same

It's come to an end
I think it was all pretend
He made me out to be the bad guy
I bent over backwards and he didn't even try
One day I was his, he was awaiting my return
But he left so abruptly, I guess I had to learn
Rushed into things, so it's fitting to rush out
She won't compare to me, and it's me he'll think about

"Thanks a lot. I’ve been disadvantaged from the start. You constrict the veins heading straight to my head. Re-routed the blood to my heart instead. I am brain dead, thinking strictly in blues and reds. Oh, I’m in enough trouble, man. Oh man, I’m in trouble again."

Why did I let it happen?

This is what I was scared of.

Not the exact situation but the emotion

I never thought it would be like this..

I was expecting an internal affair far too strong to share myself for long

I was weak

I am weak

"I know you think you know, but these eyelids are windows that shut you out from all the things that I don’t want you to know. And I refuse to tell you one single secret I own, ‘cause you’ll find I’m petrified of your eyes."

Your eyes tell such truths. Truths I sometimes can’t handle.

I look at you and know I’m wrong, and know you feel like crying

And all I can say is

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry…I don’t know where to go from here.

You wish to have your cake and eat it too
If it were up to me I would be with you
Spend my nights not out at the bars
But under your covers with you in my arms
You like to know of everything I do
That'd be fine with me if it were fine with you
But your way of thinking is "don't ask, don't tell"
You act as if I haven't treated you well
I deserve to be treated with much more respect
I give it to you, you think you're perfect
Out of you and I, who's the one who can't trust?
You can't tell the difference between love and lust

Feelings, different. New yet familiar.
Fresh, refreshing. Have I met you before?
So far it seems I have met him in the one place I look least.
I have seen his attributes somewhere quite close: within myself.
Odd. Surprisingly comfortable, calm, easy.
This is very easy. Let's keep going.

You shouldn't have to resort to a lonesome cure
But you can't find common interests with anyone anymore
Things you once loved are now much less desired
The people forget
  it's the fall of an empire
But desolate thoughts can bring peace to your soul
Let the mind wander,
once broken
now whole
You'd be surprised who you may find lurking
Who else may wish their brain would stop working
They hide it well, you cannot tell
  until they want to share
But once they do, you won't be through,
  you'll be the perfect pair

Subconscious decisions

Blurred morality

There's a lacking somewhere

Why did I do it?

I'm on your side

We're both against me

Slamming the back of my head against the wall
sliding my body down until my face rests in my knees

I taste the salt as my cheekbones struggle to catch each dropping tear

"What the ****."

None of it makes sense.
All that makes sense to me

is us

You could slam the door in my face and I would feel guilty for standing so close to it
Cravings take me over and I'm right back where I started
All progress lost for a temporary lust
"I wanna give up giving in"
But I'll always let you win

This house is not a home
Although I need to be on my own
I didn't think I'd feel so alone
What ***** with me the most
is the fact that if someone called
I wouldn't even pick up the phone.

Short lived changes make for short lived lives
The only real change is within, reasons to justify
Everything you did to me, and now you want to return
But I shouldn't let you in, not unless you've truly learned

I swear that I have purpose
I promise there is passion,
inside my eyes, within my mind..
I'm built for many fashions.
I just need motivation
I know there's dedication
inside my heart, it's time to start
living my inspirations.

I'm hard to get ahold of but don't know the reason
I thought it would disappear like the summer
I wish I'd change with the season
Keep telling myself I'll get better in time
But with this much faith in the future
nothing will ever be fine

I am a hollow tree
A dark, empty glass
I can't even tell how much time has passed
But I've been stuck here for years
I'm a prisoner within my fears
Structured just like you,
bones and blood and being
going our separate ways when you ask me
'What's wrong?'
to explain will take too long
My branches are still growing
to keep them all from knowing
to keep myself from showing


I Am Hollow.

*******. **** every fake thing anyone has ever spat at anyone in a sad attempt at acceptance. The truth is, we will never be on the same page. We're in different chapters. I admit, we're in the same book, but you're introducing the characters as I'm leading up to the ******. And as you're finally approaching that check point, I'm gaining closure in the form of two words: The end.

you're going out tonight
i prefer to stay in
you say you wish i was there
in your bed, my naked skin
conversations, drinks and laughter
not with me, but shared
i hope you remember my laugh
as your fingers run through her hair

Wasted days
Wasted nights
I'll get it together
I won't waste my life

My poems are of you
I wonder if you knew
But just what would you do
If I wrote of someone new?

How would it make you feel
To read the words so real

"I'm moving on
now that you're gone.

I've said it plain as day."

Would you cringe at the sight?
Would you stay up at night?
To know my love for you
may fade away?

No, you would be fine.
It's me who's out of line.
But I'll get mine.

everything's changing*

and i need to be happy