When I was little
and innocent
I thought the world my friend
I thought it best to be kind
and curious
and soft

As I grew older
and sadder
I thought the world terrible
I thought it best to be cold
and distant
and hard

As I grow ever older
and hopefully wiser
I think the world neither bad
nor good
nor a mix in-between
just as it is
not worthy of kindness
not deserving of cruelty.

All people dream, but not equally.
Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their mind,
Wake in the morning to find that it was vanity.

But the dreamers of the day are dangerous people,
For they dream their dreams with open eyes,
And make them come true.

I wanted to write a letter
for this ******* the bus,
but all i had to write on
was a banana.
so I wrote:

"when i saw you,
just now,
you are the most
spectacularly beautiful thing
i've ever seen
just now,
when I saw you."

she ran away.
she didn't touch
my banana.

the
      smoke
         fills his lungs
           like a smokestack.
                   the butts litter
                             ashtrays like
                    little potholes of ash
           throughout
                        his room.
              stacks upon stacks
          of the disgusting things,
brownish yellow- just like
           the **** on his
                            teeth.
                              
                                 his
                            breath
                                smells
                               and tastes
                                      as if you were
                                 lying facedown
                            on the hot
                              pavement, tongue
                            to the ground
                      gravel, dirt and gasoline
         on your tastebuds.
                  he burns
                             he yearns
                          for the fix.
                   when he works on his car
                       in the hot sun,
                             his fingers shake
                   unless he's
        holding a smoke.


                                           And every day when she comes home
                                            she kisses him full on the mouth and
                     breathes
                            
                          it
                              
                           in.

Today I extended a hand to fate
To see which door it would pull me through,
And it chose the one I was afraid of.

Today I put the universe to test
Since challenging authority is always best,
And it pulled me along for the ride.

Today I stood on railroad tracks
Because I wondered if I was invincible
And I wasn’t.

Today I sliced myself open
For I’d forgotten the pattern of my soul’s veins
And I remembered.

So I closed my eyes and bit my lip
And jumped right off that breaking ship
And into waves of foamy spray,
Which tended to my bleeding way,
The held me and caressed me so,
And whispered of the things they know
They carried me to sandy banks
And left me dreaming, giving thanks.

I awoke in a pool of scarlet,
feeling the wretched tendrils
of darker, greener enemies
working their way in while I slept.

I awoke in a pool of scarlet,
Knowing what I had to do
And applied antiseptic,
But no anesthetic.

I awoke,
Knowing why fate chose this door,
Knowing where the universe had taken me,
Knowing that though broken, I’d survived,
Knowing what it was to be me.

Knowing not to let the poison in
And not to let the shadows win.