I wish I could go back and say no louder
I wish I would have pushed you off of me
I trusted you with everything I had, and you ruined that with a few simple actions
Why didn't it stop that night?
Why did it continue for months?
I knew it was wrong, but I just went along with it
My body ridged with fear
I remember saying stop
But the words I said were ignored
So you could be in bliss
I still can't remember it all
My brain has saved me from the details
But it is etched in my memory and will never go away
That I am a survivor of an assault
An assault on not just my body, but mind and soul
Trust shattered
I can't even kiss without thinking of those night I lay under you
If I just said something after that first night. That first kiss. That first touch...
Would I still be broken?

Time has a way of rushing past
It has a way of disappearing.
With time how it is, we need to take advantage of it.
Don't let it fly away
Hold onto it as long as you can
Love who you can, while you can
Do what you want to, not always what you have to
Don't let time be a memory
Live in it while you can
Because soon it'll all be gone.

Hello
I am a ****
Or is that not okay to say?
You can refer to me in anyway you want
But the second I agree, it is wrong

You have ingrained this into my head since I was a young girl
*** is taboo, and if you do it, you're a *****
But if I don't do it, I'm a *****
Why can a guy **** people but when I do it is bad?

Why am I a fetish for liking specific things?
How can people see me as just an object that they can use, abuse, and drop off to the side when they are done?
I am a human being and should be treated as such
If you want to have a *******, get a *** toy
I am not a ******* plaything

Hello
I am a ****
What? I still can't say that?

How do we approach a survivor of abuse or assault?
Oh. Simple. Walk slowly and carefully. No sudden movements.
Calm and clear words. No shouting.
Always be on guard, they could freak any moment.
Because what else can peple do?
They don't know our triggers or our fears
It isn't like asking a question goes through their minds
Cause what do you ask a survivor? What is okay or acceptable?
We're all just scared animals aren't we?
That's all people see.

I watched the grass dance and heard the birds sing
The warm sun stung my already freckled cheeks
Sure to leave more once the redness died down
The slight breeze that was making the plants dance was a nice contradiction to the rays of the sun
But none of it was unwelcome
I recalled the bright stars in the dark night sky
Showing the stories from past times
I always loved the freedom of July
But loved even more
When it ended

I'm constantly told to smile
Smile to make myself more beautiful
Or to make the pain I feel dissappear
But one simple smile isn't going to help me
When the waves in my mind become too strong
And the quicksand decides to awaken again
A smile isn't going to make the horrible feelings I have go away
So don't you tell me to smile
Because you don't know what I'm really feeling
And if I want to cry or frown or glare
That is my right
Because I am allowed to show what I feel
And maybe, I don't feel like a smile

My anxiety has told me many things
None of which are good
It has told me I am a ***** up
That I won't ever find love
My anxiety has cut me down as low as I could go
Made it so I wouldn't want to go out
In fear of being judged
All those whispers are about me
That's what my anxiety has told me anyway