"Every child is an artist"
And an artist I'll be
Happiness and freedom
That's music to me.

The echo of the hall
ting, ting, ting on white keys
Like an escape from reality
That's music to me.

Curtains and costumes
Dancing, moving free
Waves of the ocean
That's music to me.

Is it my fault I’m jealous
Is it my fault I cried?
Is it my fault I go to bed teary eyed?
Is it my fault that you’re better?
That they all prefer you?
Is it my fault that I cannot handle what’s true?
Is it my fault you hurt me?
That I want your approval?
Am I the one causing our friendship’s removal?
Is it my fault they blame me?
Are we friends or are we not?
Is it my fault or is that just what I thought?

My heart is beating at the speed of sound.
Pulsating quickly, never slowing down.
My mind is spinning like a threat of death,
As my heart slowly beats 'til it escapes from my chest.
My heart has taken control of my brain,
A feeling that I simply cannot explain.

*but still I can't complain

You said you liked me
I thought you meant it
I typed up a message
But I shouldn't have sent it
I told you I loved you
You said it's okay
I got my hopes up
What did I expect you to say?

Early today I went on a walk
My brain started to babble and it started to talk
It said Cameron, I want to be heard
So I let it out, set it free
And I gave it my word
I said I'd speak my passion
And maybe you'll listen
Like any burning passion
It starts with ignition.

I though I could ignite a flame
I thought that perfection was my middle name
But perfection's not from heaven, it's from hell
And my middle name's not perfection
The middle name's Michelle

I thought I was an angel; I was wrong
Every **** thing I thought that I knew was gone
Everything I thought was from heaven above
But what did I ever know of love?
Maybe I'm an angel, just an angel who fell
But my middle name's not angel
My middle name's Michelle.

Now I feel nothing that I thought that I felt
And maybe perfection's not from heaven it's from hell
And maybe I'm an angel, just an angel who fell
But my middle name's not perfection
My middle name's Michelle.

My secrets are yours
To have or to keep
To haunt you in the night
Or to sing you to sleep
My secrets are yours
To save or to borrow
To cherish today
To forget about tomorrow
My secrets are yours
To hold onto tight
To sing you to sleep
And haunt you in the night

I no longer know what I am composing,
It’s all just words to me,
maybe there is something more
through the eyes in which you see.
I’ve never seen that rainbow,
I’ve never seen the light.
All I’ve seen is darkness telling me goodnight.
looking through the window,
a wonderland galore,
loving all I have,
somehow wanting more.
all I want is to find a way to love myself for who I am,
not to care what they all say, just not to give a ****.
what you want to say or do will forever be your choice.
but for me, as long as I live, I will use my voice.

National Novel Writing Month
Sit down and write some stuff.

Day 6, four thousand words behind
Go left or go right can't make up my mind.

So many more days to go
Still not enough to finish NaNo

Caffeine and sugar keeping me up
If I get to 20,000 I'll be in luck

The ups and downs, sorta like life
But I've got years and years to write!

Beautifully real
Spoiled by mankind
Technology advances
Leaves nature behind
The roar of the falls
Covered by coins and machines
Buries mother nature
In the dirt of the mean
Spoiled and diminished
Ruined and wrecked
Swallowed by evil
And left as a mess
*Nature

Never has there been an escape
Never have I seen the way out
Never has there been a green light
Nor a benefit of the doubt

Never has there been a yellow-brick-road
Nor a lantern to lead my way past
Never has there been guidance
Nor an answer to the questions I've asked

Forever there's been a problem
When yourself is the antagonist
Forever there's been a conflict
That cannot be solved with your fist

But forever and ever we've fought
We fight ourselves and we fight each other
Pain and pleasure walk hand in hand
But never look in the eyes of one another

Never have they met
*Not really

I was just a person 'til you came along
I was just a little girl who couldn't tell right from wrong
I was not a warrior; I was weak
And I thank you in advance
For the next time that we meet

I’m waiting for the bell to ring
For the doves to fly
For the angels to sing
I’m waiting for a dream
That just isn’t there
This beautiful daydream
Turned to a nightmare

Stuck in the middle of the universe
A universe with no edge
The end of an endless reality
And falling off the ledge
Stuck in the middle and spinning fast
Like a black hole of endless doom
Stuck in a little tiny cubicle
In the center of an endless room
Stuck in the middle of a false reality
A place that can never be
Captive in a box, a box with no walls
In a place where there’s only me

Putting things into perspective, everything is becoming more clear.
It might be a sudden change of heart or maybe it’s because you are here.
Putting the puzzle together, everything is in its place,
pointing me in the right direction, wiping the tears off my face.
Maybe it’s the way that you held her, that made me strive for the same.
Everything comes back to you, for the good things I have you to blame.
You led me to this freedom, you’ve cleared me a yellow-brick-road.
Helping me find myself, my place in life, my home.
And there’s no place like home.

Another year older and...
Nothing.

If I could say another word
To tell him how I feel
One more word to let him know,
then maybe we could heal
But if I tried to say something
I know he’d turn away
He’d never want to talk to me
And there’s nothing I can say

Walking barefoot in the rain,
nothing to lose, yet nothing to gain.
You’re the spitting image
of a heart that’s sprained
many things that I’ve lost,
still nothing gained

I’m noticed for all the wrong reasons
With an attitude that changes like seasons
I do want to live
But I want to be free
I want to exist
but I don’t want to be me.

I used to think that I was a terrible student
I was terrible at learning
Then I grew to think I was good
I knew the answers for which I was yearning
I devolved, I suppose, and soon I was sure I was a failure once again
F's and C's and D minuses felt like my only friends
I tried to convince my stupid self that it didn't really matter
But I had to choose between learning and grade-earning and I guess I chose the latter.
It scared me to death what I had become a zombie fueled by grades
Focused more on that god ****** score than the progress that I made
I used to think I was good at learning but it was all pretend
I could play school but in the end A's and B's were not my friends.

I used to think that I was a terrible student
I was terrible at learning
Then I grew to think I was good
I knew the answers for which I was yearning
I devolved, I suppose, and soon I was sure I was a failure once again
F's and C's and D minuses felt like my only friends
I tried to convince my stupid self that it didn't really matter
But I had to choose between learning and grade-earning and I guess I chose the latter.
It scared me to death what I had become a zombie fueled by grades
Focused more on that god ****** score than the progress that I made
I used to think I was good at learning but it was all pretend
I could play school but in the end A's and B's were not my friends.

Jealousy, jealousy, jealousy, greed
The allure of lust confused with need

Fear, fear of floating or falling
Crying to feel the sting of your bawling

Anger, anger, joyful or sad
It hurts so much
*But it's not so bad.

It's hard dealing with not being accepted
But it's worse when your thoughts are always intercepted
By a screen, by a door, sound-proofing your brain
By that "censorship" **** that drives you insane

And it's hard, concealing all those stray thoughts
Being force to think something you do not
It's worse being locked in a cage
That immediately closes when you have something to say

Something to say that is said to be wrong
So you suppress that **** thought until it seems fully gone
It's hard when it comes back, it's hard when it returns
When you're raising your hand but it's never your turn

Nurture the nature
And celebrate rain
And let natural water
Wash away pain
Frolic through flowers
And soak up the sun
And look on the bright side
‘Cause the party’s just begun

Of course you’d favor her,
her smile, her hair, her glance.
Of course you’d never see right past,
never give me a chance.
Of course you’d shy away,
anybody would.
Of course you’d see the ugly,
and never see the good.
Of course I’d be upset.
wallowing in tears.
Of course I’d miss your smile,
because you’re no longer here.
Of course I’d hide away,
anybody would.
But I still can’t find the ugly,
hiding behind the good.

For one day
I want you to see past
The size of my jeans
The size of my ***
For one day
I want to stop caring
about the way that I look
Or the clothes that I'm wearing
For one day
I want you to get
That the way that you are
Makes me so upset
But from that day on
I want you to see
Who I really am
Not who you want me to be

I could write a hundred poems
About the way I feel
I could write about my heart
How it will never heal.
I could write a hundred poems
Waiting for your love
I could write a hundred poems
About what I’m thinking of
I could write a hundred poems
Waiting for the sun
I wrote a hundred poems
And this is 101

There's words on the tip of my tongue
I'm trying to spit them out
The taste of stale chewing gum
Wandering about.

Flossing through my teeth
The whisper of frustration
The loudest of heartbeats
A head ache from nauseation.

What was I saying?

I didn't document today
For it didn't really matter
I suppose that it's always the same
Yawning, crying, laughter.

I didn't document today
For nothing really changed
It's always mild or milder
And it remains within that range

I didn't document today
Maybe, I just forgot
But the monotony is drowning me
And happy, I am not.

I dream with open eyes
And I cry with silent tears
I try with all my might
But I can't contain the fears.
I hide but no one searches
I fly with frozen wings
I hide away from the happy
But stand up to awful things.
I bleed a different color
A rainbow of deadly pain
I walk on whirling waters
But still cry like the rain.

So that’s it, it’s done
That’s it. We’re through
I’ve severed the ropes that have tied me to you.
You said you won’t hurt me
Well times have been tough
You broke your promise
now enough is enough.
You dragged me back in,
You know that I miss you
I could see it in your eyes
Demanding I’d kiss you.
A kiss that lingered
Stretched out so long
And a hug that made me feel like I finally belong.
But now we’re back
To the nothing we were
And now I’m holding air
While you’re holding her.

A feather in a hat
A style and a flair.
I am not special
I am just... there.

Finding myself
Finding my way
Don't know who I am
Just living for the day

I don't have a panache
I don't have a trait.
I'm finding myself
I'm finding my way.

Concrete jungles
Paper towns
Paper people
With real-life frowns
Paper smiles
Plastic stars
Ignored taxi cabbies
In yellow  paper cars
Paper couples
Singles too
Real life me
Paper you.

I used to be happy
Once I was alive
But now I'm a butterfly in a beehive

I used to belong
Once, life was fair
But now I'm stuck here
When I want to be there

I want to be happy
But how much does it cost?
I'm stuck reminiscing
On a *paradise lost

I know it’s pathetic
Can’t do anything right.
I know that it’s stupid
But I still try to fight.
I let my walls down
I let myself break
I hide behind confidence
But I’m only a fake.
She’ll always win.
and I’ll always fail
In this war of the darkness
She’ll always prevail

She's perfect in a world where there's no such thing
With the beauty of autumn and the promise of spring
The romance of winter, the intensity of June
Bright as the sun, mysterious as the moon
She's sweet as honey and fresh flowers in the summer
Words like a singer and a heart like a drummer
A voice like an angel and the grace of a bird
She's amazing and she's perfect in every sense of the word.

Our arms around each other we sway to a song
We belt out all the lyrics and get half of them wrong
It’s time to part ways but we don’t want to let go
We’re dragging our feet to make the moments pass slow

As we stand in this circle I know this house has been blessed
Every moment I spent with you was better than the best
My wish is that we’d be together for 100 years
It would be fine by me if we would never leave here

Chorus:
I’ll remember every one of you fondly forever
‘Cause you changed my life and you changed it for the better.
We’re listening to music and we’re dancing like lunatics
Who said perfect circles do not exist

The same 3 games of cards somehow never got old
Though we played them in the heat and in the rain and the cold
This really feels like something that was meant to be
You’ll never fully understand what you meant to me

That place was our castle, forever mine and yours
Signed with memories of song sessions, parties, and rap wars
But the one thing that will stick with me until the end of time
Is my arms around your shoulders and your arms around mine

CHORUS

You hugged me and you smiled at me
You told me that you’d write to me
You said we’d be friends forever and I know you never lied to me
Didn’t want to go but we knew that we must
God I’d give anything to get back on that **Precious Cargo bus

I wonder what he did
With those pictures on his wall
If he loved them and kept them
Or let go of them all
Those photos and paintings
The pictures of us
Did he betray them
The way he betrayed my trust?
I wonder what he did
To those innocent pics
Left them like he left me
Lonely and sick

You can't please everyone.
Hell, you can't please anyone, can you?
That's who we are, as humans.
We try to please everyone, but all we want is to be pleased ourselves.
We're people-pleasers, we are.
Well, we try to be.
You can give all you want; take what people want to give you.
But you can't be pleased.
You can't please those who hate you,
But why care?
You can't even please those who matter the most.
But maybe pleasing them doesn't even matter at all.
And sometimes it seems that you'll never please yourself.
But it's trying that pushes you forward.

Without potential.
Why do they lie?
I feel useless.
Tell me, am I?
just another girl,
who has made some mistakes.
just one correction,
is all that it takes
the pick me up
out of the crowd,
build me up
and let me down.
So this is my question
Am I alone?
Is there a place that I can really call home?
so here I am...
without potential.
In a life like this,
hope is essential.

I was not prepared for this
I'm not ready still
I won't be prepared for this soon
And maybe I never will

I was not prepared for this
But I guess I am to blame
It's all my fault; It's all my fault
It's a responsibility I must claim

I was not prepared for this
And now I'm running scared
Maybe I still wouldn't have the strength
Even if I was prepared

Misplaced punctuation
I don't know where to stop.
Commas run awry
Jumbled up word slop.
I can't find the middle
I can't find the end
There is no flow to your sour words
The sentences don't blend.
I can take your spelling and grammar
Leaving me just a bit confused
But I can't stand your punctuation
Finding commas you should've used.
You're a book that I can't read
You don't make any sense.
The endless run on sentences
And the constant shift in tense.
Your words change their minds
As you do the same.
But it's not the words' fault.
The writer's to blame.

Push me to the limit; watch me fall
Call me Humpty Dumpty and push me off the wall
Build me up and drop me on the floor
Push me 'til I can't take it anymore.

Push me to the limit; watch me fall
Blown off of the branches with my cradle and all
Build me up and bury me six feet down
Push me to the limit, to the ground.

Push me to the limit; watch me fall
Ignore me when I beg and don't listen when I call
Build me up and watch me as I break
Push me 'til you slaughter every breath I take.

I don't like quadratics
And it really doesn't matter
It won't help me in life to know how to factor

I don't like quadratics
A formula for disaster
negative B plus, minus
Doesn't matter

I don't like quadratics
And I don't like graphing
Rather spend my time with my friends all laughing

I don't like quadratics
And I don't like math
I hate this parabola
I hate this graph

I don't like quadratics
I really don't like quadratics
I hate 'em I hate 'em
I hate all of mathematics

Awake in the nights
Asleep in the day
There's nothing to stop me
From  making my way
Down this road less traveled by
Leading me awry
In a life full of answerless questions like "why"
Why am I awake
Why am I here
Why have I pushed away all I hold dear
Why am I alone
Awake in the night
Why am I swallowed by this never ending plight
Where are you now
Hell, where were you then?
Who, what, where, why, how, and when?

So now the rain commences
While we sit and stare
In past and present tenses
We regret

The rain begins to fall
Cleansing us all
Of the mistakes we'll never forget

But still the water tries
It pleads, it begs, it pries
To remove our place to hide

The rain tries to rinse
But it only removes the glimpse
It gets from the outside.


Rain, rain, try a little harder
Burn me with your acid water.

What if I could go
To a place that isn't true?
A place so real, not real at all
To do things I wouldn't do.

What if I could go
To a different place that's possible?
To live like I know how
But in a place improbable.

I want a world like my own
But without pain or discipline
I want to live in utopia
In a realistic fiction

The smell of fresh air
And the roar of the water
Cradled in the arms
Of mother nature’s daughter
The world fills my lungs
With that sweet tasting air
blood in my veins
and wind in my hair
The renewal of life
The death of the dead
love in the air
and music in my head

I’m so confused
Can’t tell myself why
my head’s in the clouds
my heart’s in the sky
I’ve been so lost
I don’t know how
I don’t understand
where I’m going now
Losing myself,
losing my mind
wishing so hard
that I could rewind.

Going back the way we came
Nothing changes, all's the same
Never making any change
Staying within a tiny range
Can't step out of our comfort zone
Always sitting all alone
Maybe it's time to take a chance
And jump into a risky romance