Mildew clutched tight,
hollow-*****, manic thrusting,
marionette-faced, barrow-lunged,
nails bit to the bone-gristle,
lips raw with spit-polish,
redacted eyes, redacted eyes --
two palpable creatures,
transient drifters of soulspeck,
one unraveling the other constructing
one unraveling the other constructing
forever,
sallow truth would dissolve skin.

Lips read: founder a self.
Rusty copper
with adamantine eyes.
Steel core, unbroken by absence.

Drown in opposite directions,
oceanwater salve, yes
calloused tongues jostle,
ribbed in salt and rust.

Unlaced corset,
striped sweater,
grunged trainline veins
run on endless.
A clock,
abandoned in the middle,
I think once

it very much mattered.

Truest love,

We have been apart now longer than we were together. Strange as the time flies like a bird in the hardest wind, my heart still beats the rhythm of your name and my soul is but a broken vase without your hand held in mine. I swear to you that I have tried in honest to lose the longing that plagues my bones but my love for you persists even now. Like a river it flows onward and though its depth may change by the season, its nature is unending. I still keep your picture in my wallet not because it does some service or I bring my eyes about it often but rather that the deepest part of me will not permit its absence. My love is hard and true and nothing seems to persuade it from its purpose, not even me. I sleep more then I should now because my love remains only in my dreams and my world is made of what moves me, whether it be what all can see or just me.

I think of you often,

Gilberto

july 1st, 2010
when your eyes met mine
for the very first time
i could not breathe
and every look at you
that i stole
made me feel like
i was alive
for the very first time

july 21st, 2010
i found you again
i steal your eyes
pin them with mine
there is someone between us
but it is as if he was not there
you leaned on me
and i leaned on you
and there was love
hanging in the dusty air

january 15th, 2011
i see your eyes
they crave mine
they whisper to me
"run away, run away"
i see your eyes
and they crave mine
and i do not know
what will come of this
but i do know
that nothing
will ever
be
the same.

may 13th-14th, 2011
your eyes are begging me
and mine are pulling you in
your brain pushes away,
runs away
but my heart emanates
a force so strong that
you come to me in the end
and together
we ***

june 16th, 2011
this is heaven
this is bliss
this is everything
i ever imagined
and more
you are everything
i imagined
and more
did i die
and go
to heaven?

and then came
two years of
ups and downs
and side to side
we are everything
and nothing
at the same time
we fight too much
and make up too quickly
no one was ever as lucky
as i was
to have you
in my heart

the silence

love is dead
and i am too

september 19th-22nd, 2013
here we are
trying to start anew
we try and try
but the passion
cannot be replaced.
the eyes that once tugged at mine
seem so empty inside
the eyes that shone with love
now barely spark
at all

and now it is december
and i'm trying to remember
and
the days whir by
one after another
here we are
and we are still
together
we can kiss
and touch
and ****
and yet
when i look into
your eyes
all i see is
mistrust
all i taste is
sadness
all i want is
love
but all i feel is
alone.

His cold heart and December
His eyes and hair,
As I remember, Burned amber

A story started on September
His heart was warm, Mine is ember
Two years, As far as I remember


He was a perfect pretender,
He stabbed me the next November
A morning fog of cold December


I believed, That's why,
I wasn't a pretender

That's why,
I bleed as far as I remember

That's why,
He's cold as every December

That's why,
I've got a roaring flame in my ember

Broke my back and tore my heart out
and threw it still beating to the birds

why the hell would i want to feel anything

i hate to see you happy
and hated myself for wanting to move on

you drown those sorrows with life
i drown mine with stupid decisions and alcohol
poison the body to ease the mind
killing off the brain cells that disagreed
.3 one week, .32 the next
lifes easier when im not myself
i can lie in their beds comfortably
hold them in my arms and not care about you

sad to say its finally working
i never said i love you because i couldn't mean it
and to tell the honest truth I never would have
stay hung up on me, let me fill your mind
because you will never fill mine

I spit tar and bleed black
my ******* smile is for them
my dead eyes follow their curves not yours
my broken hands caress those bodies that fill my bed

look for another like me
then you will finally see that you'll never find him
because anyone you could choose will always be better then me

my replacing takes part by small
designs. displacements accumulate,
until some day you look
out the window or
breathe to check you're still
alive; and, like that,
this weight will be gone.
this burden, effortlessly
dissipating.
this lament reaches from all hollows.

'cause you only reap from seeds
sown, right? it never
rained once.

you know, though,
i, likewise, never threw a single one down,
and instead just bit my tongue,
carrying out schematic emptinesses.
these hollows fill out and
encompass the entire world;

at the focus of everything,
i act out absolutes
and do nothing at all.

these new fields still look
burnt. i still turn soil, hoping for
salvation.
what if it rains?
will i cope?
will i drown?