I think
I used to
Carry emotion

I could make my world move
I will gladly refuse

I’ve tattooed a line across
the veins of my wrist
and marked a down stroke
for every time
“you can’t wear red lipstick”
made me believe
I never wanted to in the first place.

for every time instead
I’ve stained my lips with cherries
learning how to tie the stems
so I can slip forget-me-knots
to the back of your throat—
do you feel my restriction now?

the razors that fly off my tongue
perk thorns on my skin,
another down stroke on my wrist
will teach me that
you were right,
shyness is a virtue.

no need to speak,
go spend one hundred dollars
and some percent for tax
to cover up,
even though I’m sure your mother told you
that cotton stains.

so make it black.
get your hair stuck
in the zipper of that sundress
and pray as you pull it out
that it will lose its pigmentation
in the process
mark a down stroke
for killing two flowers
for one bouquet.

hold it
close your eyes and throw it back,
I know we shouldn’t be wearing white anyway
but tradition can take a lot out of you
like what you really think—
don’t say **** in public.

instead drag your first impressions
all the way to the altar
and dress in your Sunday best
a flower on your lapel
clear on your lips
a stroke for the neat decline
of the son

I tattooed a line across
the veins of my wrist
and marked a down stroke
for every time
my image
was my fault.

Would you respect my will to leave this mortal coil?
Could you understand your reflection is your foil?
Can you accept the demons as your own?
Accept you are alone,
And atone for your heart of stone?
To find the battle you've fought, hard and strong
Meant nothing in the long run?
You had your fun.
The sun is long gone,
And the one
Thing you had left,
You threw away.
Deal with another day.
There's no way.
You're not okay
Not fine.
Not mine.
So divine.

Nein.

Hey guys
Guess what!
I've been drinking since 8 PM yesterday evening
It's going on 4 AM.
Whiskey and watered down, or stale, cola.
And I still don't feel like socking some random
Bystander
In the face.
Right hook
For no reason at all.
In Latrobe
Pistolvania,
Because that's how you prove strength.
That's how you show your dominance.
I guess.

I beg to disagree.
Tunnel vision's setting in. No holding back now.

I don't give a **** who you are.
I don't give a **** what you're made of.
If you're ready to lay hands on
My father,
And my brother,
Know full and well that you just dug your own ******* grave.

I will pull you off of my brother.
I will make you submit.
And you will know "you done goofed"
As you and yours would put it so beautifully.

The man you once respected for holding his own
Is now the man who holds your fate.

If that's your mindset, I was wrong all this time
Another year wasted on a careless mind
And I feel fine, yessir, I do
The gallons of tears I wasted on the thought of
You.
Who's to say I'd run and hide
And who's to say I'd care
Who's to say I never tried
When it's
you
Who would never dare?

I spilled my heart out, took over a week
And not once did I reach for a bottle.
I just wanted to show you who I was
Before I had time to pin my throttle
In that short moment I grasped at faith
Believing life will go on
But God wasn't feeling that Good today
And dusk came without a dawn.

Once you have the best in life
There's only degrees of bland
Everything else is mediocre at best
Might as well die on my plot of land

Let me:
Drink this beer to forget the taste of your sweet lips, drowning it with a bitter edge.

Smoke this cigarette to replace the air gone at times you took my breath away
while the nicotine becomes my lungs' drug to remove your scent from my system

*all these vices to forget and end the life planned with you