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Bugs Spencer Sep 2021
In the dark I lived
In the dark I despised
Only catching glimpses of light
Through the cracks
Brief moments of over-excitement
Moments that had me deceived

But that isn’t my life
The darkness is not me
Breaking through to the light
Through the cracks
A lasting feeling of incitement
This is not a moment, this is a change

In the light I live
In the light I love
Only moments of shadows
From the clouds
I am stable, full of encouragement
I reach out, I reach to live
I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder about half a year ago which was a better explanation from my intense moments of depression and being so happy, ready to try and change my life only to fail because I fell into depression again.

I wrote this inspired by my experience with bipolar and how far I've come because with the proper diagnosis I was put on the right medication and given the correct coping skills to balance out my emotions. I feel in control finally of my life and it all came from reaching out and finding the right therapist which i also understand isn't always possible for everyone, but reaching out in your darkest moments to friends may severely help.
Bugs Spencer Aug 2021
I am searching, I am seething
I am looking for the answers to why
"Bad things just happen to good people"
"This will make you stronger"
I know this might sound like a lie
but it didn't make me stronger
I'm just a kid

I was supposed to be protected
Milk was supposed to make me stronger
None of it was true for me
My trauma hiders my life
My body has been getting weaker
I'm just a kid

Now I am always affected
I won't push myself to break any longer
None of your opinions chain me
My trauma is mine to deal with
My body is mine to grow to love
And I'm just a kid

I am searching, I am seething
I am shouting the answers to why
Bad things happened and I can't be like you
I have made myself stronger
Hear me, my life is not a lie
I deserve to live a good life
I am not just a child
Bugs Spencer Aug 2021
Addict, I am an addict
I never listened to how the clock ticked
My eyes burn as I watch another episode
My eyes burn as I am about to implode

Input, Input
Do I ever have an output?

Addicted, tell me I am
Feed a lamb the internet
Watch as they become consumed
Am I the lamb?

The children are being groomed
They watch you become doomed

Internet, Internet
Tell me are you our friend?
You give us so much in our lives
Tell me how many have you made bend?
Bugs Spencer Aug 2021
So many walk around with their eyes closed
The masks cover the silent screams
Are we scared of what will be exposed?
How many are stuck in their own dreams

When you open your eyes, what do you see?
Will it make any one of us free?
Bugs Spencer Aug 2021
Cold nights are my bittersweet song
It's where I feel as if I belong
It's where I no longer need to be strong
It's when I can cry, scream and curse the wind
The night is mine as I stay in it for so long

Moonlight light's up my bittersweet song
The paper says I do not belong
The paper says I am not strong
The paper is now gone
The night is mine as I stay in it for so long

The night rain has washed it away
The puddles wet my feet washing the mud away
The puddles soak my clothes ******* the warmth away
The puddles shine the moon back making my frown go away
Bugs Spencer Aug 2021
Every word sends waves in my brain
I can close my eyes and see the rain
the beat thrums with my heart
sometimes it's all I have when nothing else remains
Bugs Spencer Aug 2021
words, I read them
they are stuck in my brain
words, I know who they are from
speak, but I stay in my lane

words, they slice my thumbs
sliding them across the screen
words, what have they made me become?
speak, but I'm only a teen

words, they made me succumb
can someone know my pain
words, can I ask someone to come
speak, "I need help to stay safe and sane"
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