I awoke before the sun did rise,
my muddled mind and blurry eyes,
found beauty in those inky skies,

Subtle streaks of gray and black,
a love letter that's been stained and smeared,
slowly with the rising sun,
light and color did appear,

Brilliant orange, glowing gold,
it spoke of fall and coming cold,
a brilliant effort made by the sun,
beauty with a fading warmth,
whispering that summer's done,

Watercolor waves, horizon shore,
swimming in those cresting clouds,
each sunrise unlike the one before,
on mornings like this, the Silence  is Loud.

Well you'd rather feel
Vibrant and wired
Live fast,
Die young,
regret nothing.

you won't slow down, not for
anyone (who cares what they say, right?)
Soaking in the sunlight
trying to become an illusion.

someone like you hasn't got time
to sit around and talk about songs you used
to like
and
people you haven't seen
in such a long time.

I suppose I liked you better when
you'd get up early with me to watch the sunrise
falling asleep on each other's shoulders
waiting for our lives to begin.

but now you'll only watch the sunrise
if you've got 20 different pills in your gut,
a cigarette hanging from your mouth.
You've looked better.
the sun and I miss you.

i have always run
with my hands cupped
to the boys who have not fallen
but fled
from the nest

i'm always staining the knees of my jeans
threading my fingers around the shattered parts of them
collecting what i can

degenerates and low-lifes
bad smelling cars and big convictions
nervous voices and hyper fingers
dead parents, dark stories
their despair, their careless cigarettes out the cracked car window,
with their weird teeth ***** hair
i can understand my purpose
a void filled

i always take them out bowling or something-
out drink them in whiskey,
out wit them in pool halls,
dive bars, black beaches
the formula is spotless

as soon as they surrender
and the careless foot slips from the tightrope
the brink of love leaves their mouths in words unwanted
my syrup hunger to solve and serve
is sapped back into the
heart from whence it came

my fingers recoil and i
lay em down gentle in the night- wish em well
slink away with collarbones street lit
starved to find the next

He was a boy with beautiful eyes
and an appreciation for colorful socks and generic tea.

A boy that played the drums and went to festivals.
The kind of festivals that left him longing for a proper shower
and his mother's pork belly stew.

He dyed his hair a fitting shade of black
And though he was underwhelmed by the idea of anything romantic
his use of smiley emoticons was enough to make up for it.

He taught me the importance of learning to appreciate cheap wine
and the power of using compliments sparingly.

He was the kind of boy that would be fun to spoon,
or so I assume
because I've never met him.

Like leaves, tears drop and float effortlessly down scarred cheeks.
To the world, they remain anonymous and silent but to me, they are the world.
Becoming glass shards in broken eyes, and elvin daggers in a limp heart.
A body spinning counterclockwise, going no where but sicker as the days flash by.
I am a number, a false statistic that hasn't registered yet.
I am made up and imaginary, just like hands are to time, just like green is to money.
I grow tired of this worlds mentality more and more with each shallow breath.
I remain on the outskirts of everything as I stay unconformed and partially used.
There is an ever present dust seeping into my wounds and it's eating away all I am, all I stand for and my bones.
They have turned to dust, my soul has given way to rust.

I am the broken pocket watch you never fixed
I am the wrapping paper everyone eventually throws away
I am the paper you lecture your feelings on
I am the platte but I only seem to have red paint
I am the page in your favorite book that you skipped over because I wasn't important enough
I am the unread poem you never bothered to check out
I am the map you forgot to bring and left behind
I am the girl with peacock eyes who never seems to cry
I am the child with no fears except herself and you
I am the daughter you called sweetie and you're the one I called daddy

I am the one you said you'd never hurt.
a.c.

A black heart as cold as the oceans below
A broken heart left to wither and slow
Did I consider it? The consequence?
Of trying but failing to reach for the sky?
I don't think I ever understood the implications
Of learning the answer to the question why
When I learned the answer my lust for life was killed
My shallow sense of hopelessness was filled
Set back every time and forced to rebuild
My idealism was riddled with holes of misconception
Lies just keep coming from inexplicable directions
And I'm glaringly aware of my every imperfection
Why do I bother to struggle through my days?
Like a rat without a clue I'm lost in the maze
When I hold the map I always choose the wrong ways
And I am too old to think that this is just a phase
This is never ending; this is considered real
There is no room for happiness in what you should feel
I don't think I can live like this
I can't live with the memories of the friends I miss
I can't deal with all of my past transgressions
God doesn't love me because I don't do confessions
I'm not important so I don't get exceptions
I just sink down into the depths of depression
How many times am I expected to fight back?
When do you throw in the towel against the attack?
The attack that forms the very basis of life
A life that is filled with so much terror and strife
Every day beats me down; it's harder to get back up every time
It becomes impossible to convince myself that I'm fine
So my heart turns black like coal from the mines
As my soul finds shelter in a simple configuration of lines
Soon this will be all that's left of me
I will never live up to the person I want to be
Some might label my loss a catastrophe
Remember I told you from the beginning that I was a mess?
From the day you first saw me you knew I was depressed
And we shared and understanding that if I were to go
It would be no ones fault but my own
Please don't try to stop it now
I can't handle what this world has in store
But I promise I will be by your side forever
And you wont have to deal with me anymore
Im sorry if you are saddened by the initial shock
I love you so much and I'll miss you a lot
But the only permanent way out of this mess
The only way to stop feeling so much more less
Is to hang it up at the end of a rope
Until the end separates the pain from my ghost
Out of everyone I hope you understand the most
Because you and I were so close
I don't want to leave you but I've got to go
I can't do this again my heart is so low
Please let me make the journey in peace
A journey with a destination so incredibly sweet
A destination defined by never ending sleep
I want to die, dear, and we both know it was in the cards
We both knew my future was always marred
Don't miss me too much; I won't leave you side
I'll always be with you long after I've died
And on the day that it happens I hope you won't cry
I will be so content to forever just lie
I dont deserve anything i have any way
I dont deserve the promise of another day
I dont deserve friends and i dont deserve you
So I think that dying is the best thing to do
Killing myself will be easy
Leaving you will be harder than you know
But I'm finally beaten down and broken
I'm sorry but I've got to go