i hate the thought of depending on someone
     so i push everyone away who tries to get close
and people don't understand that when i say:
   "you're too good for me"
that i don't just think that.
i know that.

because in the end i am so f* up in the head they would run anyway.

i am not the girl guy's go for.
  not for a relationship.
not for a fling.
    but for a night of companionship.

and i crave for attention, but I fear losing my morality.

so instead i send them teaser pics
to feel worth it for the five seconds it takes for them to ******* to it.

many times though i crave to feel their hands
roaming my body
showing me love for the night.

and i should feel sad that this is the way i receive validation,
but instead all i feel is numb.