As the pills slide down my throat

I burn with regret

Of telling him that I love him

Of fighting with my mom

Of not telling my family I love them enough

Of being me

I'm just a burden

At least some people think so

I'm one of those people

I told them that everything is better

But I lied

I told them

That I haven't hurt myself lately

But I have

Small cuts on my thighs

Not enough to stand out,

Just enough to bleed

Just enough to feel the pain I know I deserve

As I close my eyes for the last time

I think about how I got here

They are going to think that it was me

But

Truth is,

It's not me

It's the pills

****

*****

*****

*****

That's all we hear

Everyday

Over and over again

When does it end

When will the stigma fade?

Girls,

We are beautiful

We are strong

We are not;

Fragile

Made of sugar and spice and everything nice

We are made of steel

We are born of strong mothers

And Grandmothers who went through it all

Who carried the weight of the world on their backs to make a better world for us.

We are told from a young age that we can't do anything

And I'm here to change that

Be you

Be strong

Be like a girl.

Stand with me

As I break this barrier of hate

Stand with me

As I get closer to the finish line

Stand with me

As I change the world

Stand with me

As I make us free

Once and for all

Stand with me

And we will soar

I am learning to love myself

I am learning to embrace my scars

To embrace a little extra skin

To feel okay no matter what I'm wearing

To not let the words get to me

To not let them pierce my skin

They will ricochet off my skin

They will only make me stronger

And soon enough,

I'll be stronger than you

Watch out, I'm coming for you.

When will you learn

That I am not a toy

I am not here for your entertainment

I do not exist for you

I exist for me

I don't dress for you

I dress for me

I don't need your approval

I don't need your permission

I want to be free

Not trapped in a cage like a bird

Singing a song of misery

I want to spread my wings and fly

I don't want you

I want me

And that's what I'll have.

We were messed up kids
With messed up families
Who desperately needed someone who cared
We were addicts
Just as bad as the people who raised us
But we were addicted to each other
The attention, the need
We loved each other
But hated ourselves
That's why it worked so well

We had a secret club houses
Deep in the woods
Where no one would find us
Make believe worlds
Held together with shoe strings and branches
Curfew was something we never listened to
Because being together was way better than
Being home.

I miss being a little kid
Running threw those woods
Holding on to sweaty hands
Going to get snacks with food stamps
Never wanting to be home
I miss my life as it was
Gardens growing out of plastic blue bins
Little sisters being annoying
Best friends who never left my side
Friends I never thought I’d lose.

I’m happy that I have these memories
Because life couldn’t continue the way it was
12 years olds out till 1 am
Parents who didn’t care
Self harm and depression that increased daily
Relationships broken and people lost.

I’m older now and life goes on
Even now that I have none of them at my side
I still love them and wish for the days that felt
Like they’d never end.

You tell me you love me,

But when will you show it?

You tell me that I'm beautiful,

But never to my face

You tell me you're here for me,

But shy away in person

When will your love extend outside of your phone?