Every night, I lay awake wondering if
I'd get to hear the rasp in your voice again.
I would lie there yearning for you;
hoping that you'd somehow call with concern in
Your voice about how my day has been.

We'd laugh til dawn peeked past both of our
Windows; sometimes it seemed as though time
Just flew by. I'd think to myself, questioning how we could
Understand each other so well even though we haven't
Even seen each other face-to-face.

And as his voice melted in my ear, I realized that his words
Complimented mine like purple compliments yellow, combining
Both of our thoughts to create the most beautiful painting of "Starry Night"
You have ever seen.  His tongue seemed sugar-coated with the perfect
Balance of charm and intelligence. I wonder …if that rugged voice
ever gets lonely in that one-bed apartment.

I imagine it does.

softer? i've been stalled.
fangs will fill of venom in unhinged jaw
separating tired from weak
blistering with apathy

thicker? i've been thawed
filtered, frigid-free, and envy the frost
fiending for a deeper marine
brushing off the atrophy

Those decisions you've made.
Made you.
Those words you've spoke.
Spoke of you.
Those ways you've loved.
Also show hate.

HIDE ME FROM THIS PAIN INSIDE
HIDE ME FROM THESE TEARS I CRY
HIDE FROM THE FACT I WANNA HIDE

AND THE FACT I WANNA DIE

HIDE ME FROM THIS PLACE I'M IN
HIDE ME FROM BEGINNING UNTIL THE END
HIDE ME FROM THE SEEN AND IMAGINED

AND WHO IT IS I THINK I AM

HIDE ME FROM THE DARKENED SKY
HIDE ME FROM MY DARKENED MIND
HIDE ME FROM THE WORLD OF STRIFE

WHERE I'M AFRAID TO GO OUTSIDE

HIDE ME FROM THE MENTAL ILL
HIDE ME NOW BEFORE IT KILLS
HIDE ME FROM THE GRIP I FEEL

I JUST WANT IT TO BE STILL

HIDE ME FROM THE ROCKS THROWN AT ME
*HIDE ME FROM THOSE THAT WON'T LET ME BE
HIDE ME FROM WHAT WON'T SET ME FREE

BUT MOST OF ALL
                                          HIDE
     ­                                                  ME
                                                        ­      FROM
                                                ­                           ME.**
                                                       ­                              .
                                                               ­                          .

it's hard to crack a
coconut while
sitting under the
water;
in order to understand
the fundamentals of a
broken heart
you've got to know the
secrets of the soul

wait.

99% of human beings
are enchanted
and to lick the moon
you don't always have to
travel to mars.

Now wait.

It only takes one step to walk over the edge
And if your heart is as cracked as the canyon under your feet,
I suggest you back away from it
Because the split rocks scattered around you
Are not good indicators of
The split seconds it would take
For your hands to reach the heavens and
Your face to connect with the ground beneath
And although your only thought is
Whether you would finally be able to fly
And reach the other side
You are only a human
Standing with your barefeet pressed into sand
And your toes kissing a ledge
And although you can't fly right now
That doesn't mean you never will
But it only takes one step to walk over the edge.

Every new rise
You ghost further from touch
Your pastel eyes
Dried their watercolour love

Once formless on skin
We were formless in lust
But two hundred nights
Left me desolate

Knotted and heaving
Out of breath, out of season
Losing sleep, losing purpose
Am I not enough?

Knotted and heaving
Out of breath, out of season
Once something worth knowing
But you’re not enough.

I have imagined this moment over and over again and now it's finally happening and I can't quite tell which direction is up or down or backwards but I guess they're all directions so it really doesn't matter as long as I'm going somewhere. I've been watching my shoelaces as I've been walking and they seem to tighten with every step as though even they know you'll have me floating right out of them. My palms have already begun to sweat and the puddles they've created in my pockets are just deep enough to drown in. I look up for a second to see the air in front of me holding a string. A grin spreads across its face as it suddenly begins to pull and my breath is stolen from my lungs. I reach out to grab it but it has already disappeared and suddenly I realize I can't breathe without you here. I close my eyes and stumble, not wanting to go any further, not wanting to face the reality of a situation that doesn't involve sleeping beside you. But then I realize, that was something we never did. I have been falling asleep beside myself for years, I have been waking up with regret and a heart broken into more pieces then the number of tiles on the bathroom floor. I have been sleeping with my head on my own chest and praying that someday you'd fill the empty space between not being able to fall asleep and never wanting to be awake.