i'm terrible
aren't i?
i can say
"i love you
but
i won't"
all in the same moment
while you can tell me
you
love
me
in the moment
and every moment after
i'm terrible
aren't i?

i rather feel everything

every smile that creeps up

every giggle that slips out

every goose-bump and shiver

every bit of static

every tear as it slides slowly but surely down my face

one for every bit of static

one for every smile

one for every troubled thought

because i have a sea filled with them

and sometimes the tides pull me in

and i never learned to swim

but

i still rather feel everything

than nothing at all

she's either blazing like a flame
or lying on the ground
like the charred remains
of
something
once
great

sometimes i wanna run
run
and run
run till my feet give way
and i find myself far far away
lost
but not anymore than now
  
what's stopping me
from packing up
picking up a change of clothes
snacks for the road
pocket change and a bit more
what's stopping me
  
i'm waiting
waiting for the right time
the right time that has no time
but fear will keep me waiting
waiting
and waiting
waiting till my mind dies out

it's like running toward a cliff

you know you're gonna fall if you don't stop running

but you can't stop your legs

your mind is moving faster than your feet

conjuring up things that could be waiting at the bottom

you don't know how far the edge is

you have no idea when you'll finally fall

the moment you do finally crash

you'll wish you could go back to running

back to not knowing

why is it now when i grasp your hand

you don't squeeze back

as if you're scared

scared i'll shatter in your grasp

you never seemed so concerned

before

i love the way you make me feel like the world is caving in on me

i love the way you make me feel small

small enough for you to crush between your thumbs

i love the way you catch my words as they spill from my mouth

i love the way you serve them back

but not before you add your own venom