There's a side to me I don't believe anyone will ever have the pleasure to meet because she lives within my deepest dreams.

I've come to a realization.
I'm different than everyone else and that's okay.
I'm not weird.
I'm unique.
Nobody has ever truly been able to understand me.
Though, a few have come quite close.
I feel with everything in me.
I have depth to my thoughts that most don't.
I dance for no reason.
I dress to mood.
You never know what to expect from me.
You can never fully grasp me.
I've always been this way.
And for years I've been judged for it.
Even by those closest to me.
But, I like who I am.
Correction.
I love who I am.
I'm smart and beautiful.
I'm a free spirt.
I never like to stop moving.
To stop talking.
And that's okay.
That's just who I am.
I don't want to be just another face in a crowd of the same collage on repeat.
I'm unique.
I'm real.
I'm brutally honest.
I love facts.
Cleaning and making lists make me happy.
I'll go from listening to hard rock to listening to Broadway.
I don't know if I'll ever find someone who truly understands the way my mind works.
But that's how I like it.
I finally like who I am.
I like being unique.
As we all should be.
We should all be unique.

You are not the scars on your wrist.
You are not the mistakes of your past.
You are not the fear in your mind,
The hurt in your heart,
The regrets of your actions.

You are irreplaceable, irrepeatable,
Treasured,
Priceless,
And a gift to this world and to me.

Your smile brings light,
Your laughter brings hope,
And your life
Is worthwhile.

Everything about who I am is dissolving and forming into someone new.
I'm letting go of my past.
Embracing the future with an open hand.
I love the life I've lived.
The friends I've had for years.
However if I keep caring on the way I am;
I will no longer be alive to write these words I so often do.
I'm starting new.
I'm going to leave those who doubt me stuck in disbelief.
This is my oath to myself.
It's time for change.
It's time to say goodbye.
I'm ready to begin the next chapter of my life.
I'm ready to be free of heartbreaking memories.
This is my new beginning.
For now on the girl I was will be buried in the ashes of what she once loved.

But here's the thing.
He was my first love.
He was the first person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.
He was the first person to make me see how beautiful life is.
He was the first person I craved to fall asleep with.
To never leave his arms.
He was the first person to show me what love truly is.
He was also the first person to break my heart.
To completely shatter me.
He caused me to cry for months.
To feel like nothing could ever make me happy again.
Now a year and a half later...
The pain is gone.
I don't think of him in every moment.
However I still think of him everyday.
I still love him.
But that's okay.
I'll fall in love one day again.
Knowing that what I had with him was irreplaceable.
That he will always be my first love.
That I will always be his.
Now, I just can't wait till the day I find my final love.