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Beth Decisions Jun 2016
After sleepless nights filled with suicidal thoughts I cover myself in paint and fill my mind with music and not until that moment do I know that it will all be okay. That I will be okay.
Beth Decisions Jun 2016
Second by second the world goes around.
Second by second I feel myself spiraling away from the ground.
Second by second it becomes closer to the time when you leave.
Second by second I will fall to pieces.
In a matter of seconds my mind will become a war zone.
However the seconds will feel like an eternity.
Second by second...
Beth Decisions Jun 2016
I've spent so long drowning inside of myself.
And now...
Anytime you appear at my side it's like electricity coursing through my veins.
Beth Decisions Jun 2016
There are those who say they stay awake
From the hours of 1-5am because the world is silent
No body is trying to bother them
However I disagree
Between 1-5am the world is my destruction
My mind becomes a tormented prison
Those I love call me crying
Torn down from their own mental hell
People are using drugs
Girls and guys are *******
The world is not silent
The world is exploding into a chaos that most can not see
They're hidden away in their bedrooms protected from harm
Kept safe from the cruelty the rest of us endure.
Beth Decisions Jun 2016
Life is withering away at our fingertips. The world is on fire and ash is falling from the sky. So tell me how are you going to spend your last remaining moments? What will you be doing as you watch the world fall through existence?
Beth Decisions Jun 2016
I was told last night that I'm addictive.
As hard as you were trying to leave you couldn't let go.
Couldn't let go.
That's mind blowing to me.
Because everyone else has ran away.
Beth Decisions Jun 2016
It's 6:25am.
I haven't slept.
I'm in a horrible mood.
However I've made a decision.
It's time to be who I truly am again.
The girl I used to be wasn't weak.
She was head strong and stuck to her morals.
She believed that love and *** are not to be taken lightly.
They are beautiful things and not to be thrown around and abused.
The girl I was...
She was sweet.
Cared for everyone around her.
It didn't matter who you were or what was going on, if someone needed help she was there.
She was brutally honest and didn't care what anyone thought of her.

The person I've become sickens me...
She is dark and bitter.
She acts without thinking just to spend the next few days hating herself for what she has done.
She has hurt the people she loves most.
She doesn't care what happens as long as she feels okay in the moment.
She has been hurt and broken so many times that she has nothing left in her.
All the bad bounces off of her because she has forced herself not to care.
She has no regard for those around her.
She lies to the people closest to her so she doesn't have to admit how horrible of a person she has become.

So here I am now.
In this moment.
This sleepless, emotional moment.
I have decided to become the girl I was.
The girl I truly am.
Somebody that I can be proud of.
I've decided to be the girl without a broken heart and go back to being full of love.
It's time I learn to love myself again.
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