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 Jan 2015 Beebz The Queen
ryn
Say It
 Jan 2015 Beebz The Queen
ryn
Say the words you're afraid to say
You know I want to hear them
Say the promise that we will be in latter day
Say I am the life force that runs through your stem

Say the words you can never bring yourself to say
You know very well that I've been waiting
Say the words that will cause dismay
Say that I'm fueling a fire that's dying

Say the words you can't really say
Fearing the commitment I'd hold you to
Warn me of the rope that threatens to fray
Say that all my wishes will not come true

Say the words you've always wanted to say
Truthfully that there isn't a future
Please... Say the words you mean to say
Just need this knife to go a tad bit deeper
 Jan 2015 Beebz The Queen
ryn
How are you?
I'm alright I guess...

Where do we begin?
Maybe at the start of this mess.

Are you uncomfortable?
I can't say that I'm not.

Is it your past?
Well it's all I've got.

Do you still get nightmares?
Well I used to...

Will you let them show?
Depends on you...

What do you hope to accomplish?
I don't know... Peace of mind?

Would you have done things differently?
Everyone wants the chance to push "rewind".

Care to elaborate?
Let's just say I would've liked to be braver.

What do you mean?
I should've stood up to my father...

Did he abuse your trust?
He did more than just that...

Rob you of your freedom?
Let's see... His belt, cigarettes and also boiling water out of a vat.

Do you wish him ill?
I wished him dead.

"Wished"?
Yeah...in his bed.

Why "wished"?
Because I wanted that then...

For how long?
Since I was ten.

What about now?
(
Maniacal smile) I am now... At peace.

"At peace"?
I have found release.

You have?
Yes... I couldn't resist the urge.

Urge to do what?
To comply with the voice... "
Freedom...lies in the purge..."

You left your father?
Yes but not before...

Go on...*
Not before I slit his throat with a smile on my face as I shut the door...
Inspired a programme I watched on the crime channel.
 Jan 2015 Beebz The Queen
ryn
Advice
 Jan 2015 Beebz The Queen
ryn
People may tell you to not cry...
I won't because I know the difference.
They think they know when in fact they lie...
I say bury yourself in the deepest of detriments.

They may say that a new day will come...
They only spout what they can't comprehend.
They forget that you are ailing from a broken heart and that you're not dumb.
There's only you in your space, alone you stand...

Textbook responses are all they can offer...
They know not that it'll only make things worse...
There can be no replies so nice and proper.
To rid you of your life, your plight, your curse.

They may even share personal events that they think familiar.
Thinking what worked for them may work for you.
But no two situations are the same, albeit looking quite similar.
At the end of the day, you only owe it to yourself to pull yourself through.

I say feed your pain, grieve hard if you must
Wallow... Dwell... Drown yourself everyday.
Let your blood sear your insides, beneath your crumbling crust.
Let the world around you descend into destruction and decay.

What made me the expert...
To say these horrid, putrid things.
Because I am you and we both lay in the dirt.
Driven mad by the persistent echoes of our own misgivings.

I'm no expert... I am just a broken man.
Telling you to let yourself be caught in your own sad and angry song.
Be weak... Be as weak as you possibly can...
So you could rise from the ashes and emerge hale and strong.
A chat I had with a friend made me realise... "What doesn't **** you, makes you stronger..." And I know this to be true... So...

"Be very weak... So you could be strong..."
- ryn

Dedicated to all the broken hearts out there...
.
 Jan 2015 Beebz The Queen
ryn
Bulb
 Jan 2015 Beebz The Queen
ryn
.
\       |       /

\               •think my               /
pen's almost dry•it's get-
ting oh so hard•ideas seem to just
\   fly on by•i'm unable to deal any more   /
cards•bottom of the barrel•i seem to be
scraping•trapped in a long, dark tunnel•
coherence eluding...the words that need
inking•i need a simple little trick...•to
soothe this perpetual itch•need my
/        bulb come on really quick•hope-        \
fully as soon as I flick on
/               the...switch•               \
|   ooooooooooo   |
•••••••••
•••••••••
•••••••••
•••••••••
•••••
ooo
Is anyone real?
Or is it all a game
In this online dating world
Everyone’s the same

They tell you what you want to hear
They’re going to make you theirs
Then they switch to ****** ****
To show how much they care?

We haven’t even met
Yes I’m a fun and not a *****
By now you’re just being rude

No I don’t want to see your package
But you text the picture anyway
Like that really is going to make my day?

I’m tired of being played the fool
I’m pretty smart, and not from school

I know when I’m being played
So don’t bother with me
Find another sucker
Please let me be
 Jan 2015 Beebz The Queen
ryn
I'm

Earth...

But wish I was...          
                                 Air...



free...                              
without

                    care...
 Jan 2015 Beebz The Queen
em
The moon mocks you as you lie restless. Blink often and you will finally fade. Watch the cars pass through the window and replay her goodbye over and over and over and
 Jan 2015 Beebz The Queen
em
Mellow pills slipping from my fingers;
I'm helpless to your vacancy here.

I will waltz with your shadow.
But I don't really think I can dance.

Come home and teach me.

Rest with me.
Leave me in the end,
But come home.
 Jan 2015 Beebz The Queen
em
William
 Jan 2015 Beebz The Queen
em
it was the third year anniversary of your death tonight and i am so mad at the universe for taking you from us and i know she cried all night because i was with her all night. where you should have been.

i ate a chocolate covered pretzel for you tonight and i finally understood why you liked them so much. they are so much like her. sweet and salty, kind but firm.

when the cancer came she was optimistic for you but always knew when to call the doctors *******. when there was nothing left for the doctors to do she took you home.

she misses you so much and i know you are gone but please send her a kiss goodnight tonight.
 Jan 2015 Beebz The Queen
em
Suicide was her seventh grade kiss that didn't let go when she did.

Suicide was the brightest star in the sky. Every night she would pick it out among the rest.

Suicide was the white around her eyes. You saw it when you looked at her, but it never stood out to you

Until her iris turned black.
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