I was never one for cliche love poems
about how he makes my heart burst out
of my chest, or how his smile can ****
the demons inside of me. I never wanted
to write about how he makes flowers
grow in the bad parts of my brain
and how forever was just a word
used so casually, but now my forever
is wherever your forever is. I never
made plans for my future, certainly
not ones that involved another person.
Everything in my life was temporary;
people, clothes, the weather, food, everything
had no meaning. Life was something lived
day in and day out. I was never one to write
cliche love poems until I met you...and now
cliche love poems are all I can seem to write.

It hurts to breathe.
Every inhale is a burning
sensation in my chest shot up
to my throat and then my eyes.
Next thing I know water is spilling
out of my eyes and your name is
regurgitated out of my mouth
like stomach acid. I have never
hated hearing my name until I
heard it from another person for
the first time in months. The future
seems a whole lot scarier now that
you arent a part of it. I am broken
I am torn, I am withered away by
the empty promises you made to me.
You promised you wouldnt abandon
me but thats exactly what you did
Because of you I will never love again.
Because of you I will never trust again.
Because of you I am broken.

THE FIRST SIN:
The first sin you commit is when you meet
his eyes for the first time and your heart
falls to your stomach. Your hands and lips
fall loose, blood rushes to your cheeks.
The devil stares back at you in all of his
glory and you are parched for a taste of his
religion.

THE SECOND SIN:
The second sin you commit is when you
talk about him with all of your friends.
You're going to try to convince them that
he's good for you and they won't agree,
but you were never going to listen to them
anyways. He's sitting inside your head
with his fingers plunged inside your brain.

THE THIRD SIN:
The third sin you commit is when you
stand in front of the mirror and scold
yourself for what you ate for dinner.
You're never going to fit into that dress
that you brought specifically for him to
like now, are you?

THE FOURTH SIN:
The fourth sin you commit is when you
sacrifice your standards to meet his. You
like the attention that he makes you beg
for, because you have convinced yourself
that nobody is going to want you like him.
You are a victim of desperation and
loneliness and he acts like he has never
felt either of those things.

THE FIFTH SIN:
The fifth sin you commit is when you
become an addict. All you ever think
about is him. You'll wonder if he thinks
about you too, already knowing the
answer. You'll try to master the art of
analyzing his behavior because he works
like a cycle. The thought is going to bother
you, but of course, you're going to ignore
it because your addiction will blind you.

THE SIXTH SIN:
The sixth sin you commit is when you say
that you love him. You don't. What you
feel is not love. What you feel is toxic.
What you feel will lead you to break,
because love is not meant to bruise you
more than it is meant to treat you with
care. Sharp edges of his teeth are piercing
apart your skin and you're still begging for
him to kiss you, don't you get it?

THE SEVENTH SIN:
The seventh sin you commit is when you
admit to yourself that you were never
good enough for him. He has abandoned you 500 miles from home and
the love you thought you felt for him is
spilling out of your mouth like *****. He says
there is no hope and he is done with pretending
he loves you. You'll spend all day and all night
shedding the tears that you should never shed
over a boy and with one last gaping breath of air
you will say you cannot live in a world that he is not a part of. You'll eventually tie all of the sins together to form the worst one of them all, abuse to yourself.

I listen to our song
When nobody's home.
I play it loud
And sing every word
Until I feel better.
Until I don't miss you so much.

I threw on your hoodie
This morning
After washing my hair
In cold sink water.
It smelled like fire.
Now it just smells like you.

I'm bundled in our blankets,
Holding your bathrobe close in my arms.
Because being away from you
Is much more painful
And much more emotional
Than I had thought.

I'm fixing dinner
And it feels lonely
Only cooking for one person.
It feels sad
Only making enough soup
For myself.

I listen to our song
On repeat as I drift off to sleep.
I play it loud,
And hum every word
Until I feel better.
Until I don't miss you so much.

I still miss you
So much.

Another sleepless night
another night spent staring at my ceiling
checking my phone
rolling over
staring at my ceiling
checking my phone
rolling over
My eyes are tired but they will not stay shut
Im having a hard time slipping into REM.
REM is the stage of sleep where you start to dream.
I think my mind is not letting me go into REM
because it knows I will dream of him.
I will dream of him hugging me
and looking at me as if I was
his whole wide world.
I will kiss him and we will
go home and watch documentaries
on drugs, and I will be bored
and he will look at me
and turn the tv off
and ask me what I want to do
and just before we get to the bedroom
I wake up.
I look for him next to me but he is not
I remember he is gone
and tears slip down my face.
I am having another sleepless night
It is 4:30am and my body wont let me
slip into REM
My body is protecting me from
falling in love with you all over again