Jenna

Jenna Jan 2017

this is not a poem.*
this is a textbook covered in
scribbles and crossed out versions of
our love.
This is the music festival we met at
only the opening act is the fight that
ended it all.
This is the restaurant we had our
first date at, but the food is the spit up
promises you made that were broken.
This is your house. The house we had our
first kiss, but its empty, without a single
trace of us left behind in the floor boards.
This is you.
This is you telling me you love me
then ******* my best friend.
This is all of the hateful words I wish I could say
This is me still being in love with you
This is you not caring
and me pretending that I dont
This is the beginning
and this is the end.

Im still not over you and I wish you would come back.

Jenna Dec 2016

dont ******* speak to me

You made C8H11NO2+C10H12N2O+C43H66N12O12S2 taste like C2H60.
My heart beats faster when I look into your eyes than when im on C17H21NO4
I dont know who I am without you.
Without your laugh
Or your hug
Or the way you look at me
Looked at me
Your name just popped up on my phone
And my heart stopped beating
Lungs stopped breathing
Head starting pounding
Whats wrong?
What isnt wrong?
I wanted to type out everything ive been feeling since you left
Like how I dont sleep anymore because youre in my dreams
And I cant bear to lose you again
How im sitting in class trying not to cry
How it isnt working
How I want you back
But wont say i miss you
How im biting my tongue
How im bleeding
How its all over
Over
Over

you broke me..

Jenna Dec 2016

bottles on bottles on bottles

Right now there are 11 empty bottles of alcohol on my floor
It's fine, I'm fine
I always wondered why people drink.
I never liked the taste of alcohol
But right now, being drunk is the only thing
Getting me through the day.
When I'm drunk I dont remember things like
You telling me I felt like home
How my laughter cured your sadness
I try not to think about those things
Because it makes me
Really
*******
Sad
I set that book you gave me on fire.
It was filled with poems about you
And us
And love
**** love
I miss your laugh
I remember this one time I slipped on the grass at Austin's and busted my ***
And you stood there laughing at me. I got really mad but now I wish we could
Be that comfortable again.
That oversized sweater comfortable
I hate nostalgia.
I don't listen to our music anymore
Because it reminds me of that one time we drove 40 minutes to pick up drugs
Your anxiety was so bad but you told me I calmed it.
You told me I felt familiar and you were glad I was there
Driving my car feels strange without you in the passenger seat
Your jacket doesn't fit right anymore.
It's like it knows something changed
You changed
Sometimes I wish I drove away
I hate nostalgia
And right now there are 11 empty bottles of alcohol on my floor
And i didn't find you at the bottom of a single one

im really ******* hurt.

Jenna Nov 2016

Untitled

poetry loses its grandeur when you realize there isnt a single combination of words that can make someone come back.
its been 5 months, 3 days, and 16 hours since you left
and im still trying to figure out the reason why you abandoned me
I have this theory though, you see maybe I was more of a home than a person
and since you never had a permanent place to call home you ran
when you got comfortable.
my friends still ask me why I care and I say I dont and Im over you, and this, and everything
but then I find myself checking your horoscope before mine, hoping to find pieces of me in it.
Im starting to relate more to that old motel off highway 54, you know the one everyone drives by but never stops in to stay for a bit.
and I think thats when I realized poetry loses its grandeur when there isnt a single combination of words that could have made you love me back.

— The End —