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azumiya Apr 2020
I keep remembering everything
My past keeps pushing me forward
My future keeps pulling me towards itself
I am on my way
Here's to my 7 years of process of healing & integration.
2013-2020
azumiya Jan 2016
I was drunk and you were sober
My hands relaxed on the top of your body
Your hands caressing my back
And our legs locked to each other
We stayed like that for almost an hour when I decided to pull off
I was scared
NOT because something more might happen
I swear, I was ready to give it all to you
I was ready to be kissed on my neck
On my cheek
On my back
On my lips
I was ready to be naked
I was ready to be touched wherever
Especially in between of my thighs
I was ready to kiss you
To undress you
To touch you
And scream as you get inside the lips of my genitalia
And moan as you kiss and lick my femininity
No- I wasn't just ready
I wanted it
I wanted you
I wanted it so bad
I wanted you so bad
In fact, I was craving for it
I was craving for you
I wanted it
But it didn't happen
Nothing happened
Except you reaching out your hand to pull me back to you
Slipping your hand on my waist
And then gently rub my stomach
Nothing happened
Except you hugging me from behind
Your legs wrapped on mine
Your cheek on my cheek
As we calmly breathe in and breathe out
And next thing I know
We were faced onto each other
My hands on your waist
Your hands on my cheek
As you kiss my forehead once, twice, thrice, until I lost count of it
I wanted more
I wanted you to kiss my lips
And wanted more to happen
But it never happened
And in that moment I told myself
"He's the One".
And I was scared to love you with all my heart.
To him.
azumiya Jul 2015
BPD
“Who am I?”
I always ask myself.
And whenever I do
Countless of flashbacks races before my eyes
Telling me that I am this and I am that
Making me feel uncomfortable on my own skin
Confusing me

“Who are you?”
I ask again
But I don’t really know

"Who are you?"
For the third time I ask myself
And I remember how I used to be
Acting differently between people I meet

And for the last time
“Who are you?” I ask
Still, flashbacks
The memories of me being innocent
Memories of me being a monster
And I ask myself again

"Who am I?"
[June 22, 2015] Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a mental illness marked by unstable moods, behavior, and relationships. People suffering from this disorder have a persistent unstable self- image and sense of self.
azumiya Jun 2015
I found myself in front of the mirror
I saw someone who looked exactly just like me
But I don't know her
She looks like me
But I don't know her
She mimics every move I do
When I fix my hair, she fixes her hair
And when I look at my eye, I see her eyes
When I look at my body, I see her body
Who is she?
The one that's standing in front of me?
Who is she?
The one who does the same things that I do?
Who is she?

Who am I?
[May 19, 2015.]

— The End —