aviisevil

aviisevil 17h

don’t let the light
find its way to me—
not yet.

I’ve spent all my strength
making love to the dark.

let it hold me
a little longer.

let it nest in my lungs,
curl through my veins.

let it grow inside me
until I’m ready
to feel again.

let the rain
find my tears,

and the clouds
search for my name.

keep the door
closed.

I want what burns in me
to escape at dawn—
in flames.

don’t let the light
come searching.

let it all
grow wild in me.

until nothing
remains

aviisevil 4d

Dil tu kyu ro raha hai?

Dil tu kyun ro raha hai
Jo hona tha, woh ** chuka hai

Dil tu kyun ro raha hai
Jo khona tha, woh tu kho chuka hai

Ek kona hai bas ab tera
Wahin pe raat, wahin tere din
Wahin har saans ko aankhon se gin

Jo hona tha, woh ** chuka hai
Dil tu aakhir kyun ro raha hai

Tera tha khula asmaan
Teri hi thi naadi, teri vaadiyaan
Tera hi toh tha yeh jahaan
Tujhka tujhse hi tha imtihaan

Aur tu na jaane kya khoj raha tha
Tu kahin toh pahunch raha tha

Ek kona hai bas ab tera
Wahin ab teri har arz sunsaan
Wahin ab dafan har karz, har toofaan

Khud ko khud se hi bhool raha hai
Ab toh veerane mein bhi tu doob raha hai
Tab se ab tak khud se hi jhoojh raha hai

Kya ab bas ek kona hi hai tera?
Dekh, wahan ek phool khila hai
Tere aansuon se seencha
Woh tujhse pooch raha hai —
Tu kyun ro raha hai?

Jo hona tha, woh ** chuka hai
Jo khona tha, woh kho chuka hai

Ab bhi hai asmaan
Ab bhi woh naadi, woh vaadiyaan
Ab bhi hai yeh jahaan
Tera hi tujhse imtihaan

Tu kya soch raha hai
Sunn zara murshid kya bol raha hai
Kya bas ab ek kona hi hai tera?
Tujhko toh tera Khuda khoj raha hai

Ja, main hoon yahan —
Teri zameer, tera armaan
Teri kami, tera gunah
Tera nazeer, teri panah

Ja, main hoon yahan
Main hoon yahan.

I wrote this poem, or it wrote itself, I'm not sure.

#hindi #grief #heart

aviisevil 5d

we were here

someone will remember us
before we're forgotten—

a final ache of memory
lingering
willing itself
to survive

like laughter
like the pain
like summers spent
in the arms of rain

someone will remember us
for who we were
and all we
never became

someone will remember us
though we’ve forgotten ourselves
with no trace left
to mourn

just dust gathering softly
on photographs kept
in a home long forlorn

someone will remember us
someone will remember us
someone will remember us?

aviisevil Jun 4

it's better company

the city’s out cold
the moon cries
like it knows something
I don’t

phone rings—
I let it die

what’s left to say
we haven’t already killed
with silence

I’ve felt
everything
too many times

the cogs keep spinning

do more
be more
become less
until you’re
someone else

we work
we run
we laugh like it’s medicine
we forgive what we shouldn’t
forget what we can’t

always waiting
for something
that never shows up

do more
be more

end up
less

less sleep
less soul
less of whoever
you used to be

you wake up
in someone else’s
skin

every breath
spent

dumped
into some black hole
like maybe it’s listening

washed down
with cheap whiskey
and cigarettes
that stick to your fingers

work
run
pretend

we laugh
when we’re dying

it’s better for
company

makes it easier
to sit with people

aviisevil Jun 1

sorrows of Nazareth

the kinds of
sorrows

nested in the
arms of Oizys

soaked in a cloak
of severance

circling the roads
to Nazareth

praying, preying,
pretending

watching the sun
kiss the moon —

the last act of
devotion

before the sun
sets

and we’re all
silent again

aviisevil May 27

Beginning

letting go
of the sun, the moon,
and the stars.

drifting through quieter skies,
faintly vivid,
testing the waters
that never held me.

am i a free bird,
or just dust
in the wind?

to let go
of yourself—

the kind of sorrow
that keeps me awake;

the child
who never slept
or smiled,

still knocking
on the door
i buried
long ago.

how do i tell
him

there is no place
where sleep remembers us—

only roads
we walk
until the sunset
swallows
what’s left.

aviisevil May 24

it lies in you

It can happen in the
middle of white-water
rafting—

waves swirling in
her depths,

reaching for the
mountains.

It can happen on
a Saturday,

between chatter and
laughter,

tea and coffee
and whiskey,

and a lot of
cigarettes.

It happened while
looking for shells at
the beach,

or the rocks in
the river.

Don't you
remember?

When it comes
without knocking,

shut the doors
and windows.

In the middle
of nowhere,

swallowing bones,
flesh, and teeth—

it can happen
to anyone

until it happens
to you.