aviisevil

aviisevil 1d

O my dearest —
how many volumes
does it take
to birth a cathedral

The heavy tomes
now stacked
against the grieving sunset —

stone and paper
bearing down on the dusk

Here you built this city
the roads
the bustling houses
buzzing with gifted breath

The libraries hush
heavy with you —
your gentle handprint
on the spines
your smile
stitched into the walls

The gardens bloom
their roots drunk on your name
flowers
trees
and bees
that find honey
in your step

So much of you remains —
in the sky’s pale hush
in the walls
of spring and autumn
curtains billowing
your name
your creed

In fathers
in mothers
in forebears and children —

soft replicas
learning slowly
how to miss
how to grieve

You
the colossal

To my sweet grandmother, may you find peace and happiness where ever you are, thank you for blessing us with your life and being.

aviisevil 2d

painted pain

at the ends, they clutch silver-silk straws,
sip from spoons of mercury — have you noticed?

how the broken walk the same as us,
hollow vessels crackling softly,
bits of themselves rattling like loose coins
in a beggar’s cup.

they leave trails —
grief, cigarette ash,
monday mornings that taste of iron and sleepless teeth,
sunrises pacing in their cages.

the clouds swallow them without whisper,
the wind retracts —
does not brush their sleeves,
does not call them home.

heavy air curdles in corners,
cold as the underside of stones.

i’ve watched them smile at empty coffers,
that smile — a smear of rouge on a corpse’s cheek,
so bright,
so unholy,
painted pain.

aviisevil 3d

house of autumn

My house, when I was young,
was tangled with trees and neat little flowers,
lined in rows — seas of red, pink, and white.

Or perhaps that was only a dream,
and I was never young.
Perhaps I arrived
fully formed, carved in stone,
walking in borrowed feet.

How is it that I gave myself up so easily?

Was it the sparse decorations,
the dusty mirrors where I saw myself,
trying not to become barren,
swallowed by storms,
covering bone with flesh, hair,
and new fabric?

I wish there were a place
to set down my heart and leave it there —
let my lungs do the talking,
let my arms measure the weight of hurt.

Perhaps then I could lift my spirit
at the decay of night,
and not lie awake,
in this sedated body,
restless beneath the autumn sky.

This tenacious boredom
has carved a cathedral
deep in my wounds.

How quickly I would give it all up,
burn it all, so easily —

if I weren’t made of neat little flowers,
smoke, ash, and forgotten relics.

But how can I?

They deserve to flee,
to root themselves
in a new home
elsewhere.

#life

aviisevil 3d

Lazarus species

I have yet to let the silence fill me completely.
Only words remain — pale husks, soundless,
yet screaming in the marrow of my ears.

I alone bear their rotting weight,
the brittle corpses lining my tongue.
Who else? I speak into hollow rooms,
my voice scattering like dried leaves.

Who else will watch you crash into the moon,
then spill into my half-empty glass
of fumes and restlessness?

The sun will rise tomorrow, unknowing
of the raw labor it takes
to lift my body from its grave of sheets,
my heart a stone, unmoving.

The ceiling gnaws at the sky —
its teeth sink into my hours.
Dusk, with her damp palms,
presses me into forgetting.

And yet, from the balcony,
I see distant cities glitter like broken jewelry.
I do not ache for their songs,
their spinning dances, their crystal plates.

But the crowds — the crowds —
let them tear me limb from limb:
arms, legs, flesh, bone,
the soft, spoiled fruit of my mind —

let them take it all,
until nothing remains of yesterday’s weight.
Only leave me these eyes,
so I may witness the undoing.

#life

aviisevil 4d

after the fire

monster dreams
and hides,

burning in my
bones,

melting the
doors,

finding ways
to survive
when it gets
cold.

words have
drained,
doused the
fires

outside.

outside, there's
this wilderness
I cannot
control —

how it eats
me whole,
tearing pieces
of my soul

until there's
nothing left
of me

but silence,
untold.

#hurt

aviisevil 6d

for when the winter comes

let my tears
bloom as flowers
i will lay them
at your feet

watch their colors
fade to whispers
turn to silence
while i weep

and when the hour
comes to wither
let my sorrows
burn and bleed

like dusk dissolves
into the sea
may the silence
softly keep

the flowers born
from all i weep
and if you ever
dream alone

of tears once sown
just know they bloomed
for you
and you alone

#love

aviisevil Mar 5

Catch the sun

I spiral, and
I burn

'round and
'round

trying to catch
the sun

How I try to
become

someone you'd
know

but I'm not the
one

The days grow
old

the nights come
undone

There's so much
to forget

about the things
I never learned

The knives twist
and turn

the scars weave
and have spun

My tears, old
and young

'round and
'round

I spiral, and
I burn

trying to catch
the sun

#hurt