I used to be a better writer
maybe cause i had more to give
You

Reach for me-
Even if it's too far...
I still feel the current in the wind
As you lift your arm.

The nights are getting lonelier
I get all in my head
Sometimes I feel my body
sometimes the weight's just dead.

I wish that he would miss me
I wish I could be fine
I wish I could convince myself
he's not where freedom lies.

The days are getting colder now
Yet I lay here alone
Wrapped in a blanket made
with something far from home.

If I go anywhere in the world alone
I know that I am not at home
The view is nice, the weather good
But I don’t see it like I should
If I set out across state lines
Even just for a little time
An empty hole within my heart
Reminds me home and I are far apart
But now I realize something true
Home is not a place, in fact
Home is my person, home is you

Let's go anywhere, you choose-
Cause I'll be home, no matter the view

Life is a journey and I've carried one bag
Made of my ribs and part of my back
Containing one soul and only one heart
Along the way, I've left pieces and parts

I've only left mine, I never take their's
And that's left my luggage with a few tears
Then you came along and I forgot the "what ifs"
The worries of failure, and if love's just a myth

I took hold of your heart, placed it inside my chest
That's why you're different from all the rest
I didn't take their's, cause I knew I would leave
Ignoring the signs, they weren't good for me

I took your heart cause I'm planning to stay
I hope you understand what I'm trying to say-
That I see no one else in my future but you
And now my bag holds not one soul but two.

Come quickly now I beg
Cold mornings but hot days
Do nothing but pull on my leg
I dream of you and coffee steam
Of colored leaves and gentle breeze
That wraps it's arms around my neck
And gives my lips a softer peck
Than air that bites my skin in heat
My dear fall, I anxiously await our meet.

Sincerely, your lover.

A flame for every year
but then we blow them out
A symbol of a life
But an action of our doubt.
Why do we blow them out?

I turned 20 yesterday.
They lit two tiny flames.
One fire for each decade.  
But then I blew them out.
Why did I blow them out?

Perhaps it is a symbol
of years come and gone,
of life that's not lived now.
I want my flame burning on,
why should I blow it out?

A legacy is not established
by only charred remains.
I want to start contagious fires,
burning forever in Your name.
Don't make me blow them out.

I want to leave all three tenses
lit up in glorious flames.
So when I finally meet you,
You'll say "Well done, you left a blaze."

Navigation on rough waters
It is not an easy feat
Especially if you aren't a pilot
And you've never been this deep.

I thought I knew the currents
And the channels to avoid
But I'm stuck here in the crashing waves
And I need help, I have no choice.

So with gritted teeth and stubborn hands
I take up my pen
And write my message in a bottle
To the beginning and the end.

He has made the very seas
Alone, I can't seem sail
So why would I reject His compass
Cause on my own I'll always fail.

This is the last scheme that You will have a place in.
I think I need to write it down only to remember
That you will no longer be the beginning and the end.
But only an ending, cause nothing will ever start with you again.
Say goodbye to the home that you kept within my words
Cause you are no longer welcome in my heart or in my pen.

She poured out herself
Like the oil and vase
The flow never stopped
Full of patience and grace
Maybe grace was too steady
Was it excuses instead?
Cause the weight was too heavy
"Nothing's wrong" she had said

Short and sweet
But you aren't short
And life's not sweet
But I'll try to be:
I miss you
Wish you
Missed me too

Feeling wanted is like a drug
It gets in your veins and you can't get enough
The problem is the wanter could be wrong
And he wants you and you want him to belong
In your life so that you stay satisfied
With that drug that he has supplied
But after grasping at handfuls of air
You look down and realize nothing is there
He is like trying to fill a bottomless pail
With a water of emotions, it fails
So after all the trial and error you see
The pail won't fill cause he doesn't own keys
To happiness living deep in your soul
He is the wrong wanter and won't make you whole

I want to take pictures with you
I want to capture all the moments
The moments worth remembering
But if it's you, every second's worth the lingering
You see I only want the photographs
If you are in them with me
To capture the entire past
We have yet to live or laugh
I'm hoping you will want to take them
Display them on your shelf
Cause I will do the same with mine
To inspire me with all my rhymes
Displaying something is a statement
Meaning that you care
Enough to show the passers-by
The things that make you, you and why.
If someone where to ask "who's that?"
Would you tell them all about me
Would your eyes glow as you spoke
Like something inside you just awoke
I know if someone asked me the same
My heart would swell 3 sizes
One for your eyes, one for your heart
One for all the memories we had apart
I want to take pictures with you
Images so that we won't forget
What love looks like when we want to quit.

I have replayed what I'd say to you
Time and time again
If our paths did cross
If we ever spoke again
I promised to myself
I wouldn't be the first to speak
But here I am writing this
My heart's starting to leak
Forgive me for my forwardness
I just can't hold it in
If I stay quiet any longer
I'll implode from within:

208 days have past
It's really sad, it is
I'm keeping track of the days
Since I've seen you last
Does that scare you away?
I would turn and run
But see I can't stop falling
When I've already begun
It started forever ago
At least that's what it seems
I'd watch you talk to her
But we'd talk in my dreams
The 'her' left you mistreated
And I saw you break apart
Watching you suffer
Was like a dagger to my heart
Then we hiked a mountain
Something happened to my soul
I felt something draw me in
Like the stories that are told
I waited, though I shouldn't
And I only was let down
Not once, not twice,
But three times I hit the ground
In the midst of all of that
I realized something new
That I would lay my life down
I would lay it down for you
Crazy that I'd say that
But I can't deny what's real
I tried so hard to forget
I tried harder not to feel
You'd think that I'd be hurt
Enough to turn away
But something keeps me here
And your memory won't fade
I've tried everything I can
Everything to no avail
You're floating in my head and heart
Since the day you first set sail
You are waiting for a right time
But life goes by so fast
Never is there perfect moment
To make what counts last
So grab me by my face
Tell me "this will never work!"
That is the only way
To lose the feelings that lurk
And after all this spilling out
Am i just the obsessive freak?
Or is this silence killing you?
Is your heart starting to leak?

If what you see and what you touch
Is the only thing you think is real,
I beg a question of your brain
pertaining to what your hands can't feel.
Do you believe that Love exists?
Cause your opinions counteract.
The way you look at me, it seems,
You believe in the abstract.
So tell me now if you disagree,
I will not be surprised.  
I'll accept your answer cordially
but I'll know you just told a lie.

To say that there is nothingness
behind your deep blue eyes
Is like saying nothing lies
Beneath the ocean's tide
But you and I both know
That the vast blue forever
Is more than just a moving floor
The see-through layer holds so much more
There are secrets undiscovered
There is unmarked terrain
There are deep dark caverns
There is joy and there is pain.
Am I speaking of the ocean still?
Perhaps I never was.
I look into your eyes and feel
Something more exists, it does
You may deny my current thoughts
And that's ok, you know
But i'm aware your topaz eyes
Are the windows to your soul.

This is it I'm out of breath
You took my last one from me
And in my peak of diziness
My heart becomes decieving
I'm in more anguish than you know
I can't remember silence
My fingers struggle to let go
My chest still beats with violence
Even as I'm writing this
The page is getting blurry
Sadness writes these words
But left unrestrained it's fury
I'm not so sure it's rage towards you
But anger towards condition
You say in your "current state"
You wouldn't be my best addition
Give it up already!!!
I'm so tired of pretense
I catch a glimpse of soul
So now you've put up your defense
The days drag on longer, still
And life is ever-changing
I seek distraction for hours fill
But to you I'm always revolving
With distraction comes destruction
And I'm writhing in my flesh
I know you aren't my Savior
And my Savior doesn't test
It's reality, exhibit A
Of my own desire
I feel it now conceiving
Giving birth to a stone cold liar
All that being said
I'm now dragging on my pen
I love you, I miss you
And I wish I didn't have to pretend

Every word has always been about you
And now my poetry has lost it's subject.
But you cannot be completely gone,
My head knows, but my heart only objects.
Cause I'm still writing, and you're still breathing,
You just aren't breathing close to me.
I used to write with solid lines,
Now the rhymes don't come so quick.
My meanings once were more defined,
And now these words just make me sick.

You are gone.
I try to rhyme these words.
But you are gone.
To no avail,
Because you are gone.
When you left,
You took my inspiration.
You are gone.
Maybe I'll resort to
constellations.

The blossoms aren't there anymore
The trees turned to green
It's funny how everything's not how it seemed

Your flowers have died
They hang on my wall
But I know this time, for sure
You'll never call.

Instead of a rainbow
of springtime and ease
My life's turned to darkness
Though it's summer's Eve.

Be still my beating heart
Shut out all the noise
My head's so full it cannot think
But it's not like it has a choice

7 hours in the car
All the time went backwards
"Many the Miles" Sara sang
Now I'm living in the afterward

Café au Lait that's in my cup
Has never tasted more endearing
Maybe it's cause this is your town
And I associate it with a feeling

In 20 minutes I'll see your face
That's why this ink is smeared
My hands are shaking with my heart
How can I love so much, what I also fear?

Thanks for being there
In the fall your trees bring color
In the winter they are bare
In the spring cherry blossoms float by in the air
You're constant always constant
You fill my room with light
I'm glad I have this window

Your glory brings me life ~

I always pick up paper if I see it on the floor
Curious the thoughts of the person before
Possibilities make it blank or an old receipt
But something in me hopes it's someone's secret to keep
Or the caring words of a lover to his lovebird
Maybe the thoughts of a wandering mind not heard
It could be the lyrics to a strangers favorite song  
Maybe it's a letter that was lost for oh, so long
Words are what's inside us, it is our heart untold
So maybe I'm a seeker of a stranger's soul
Or maybe it's no stranger, but someone met before
Maybe it is your soul that I am looking for.

I will NOT be the girl
That pines away for you
Fish or cut the bait
Cause there might be someone new
And I can't see his eyes
Cause you're blocking my view

Three strikes and you're out.
Be careful where you step.
This heart was carved from thin ice.
Don't gamble on me,
I'm worth more than your dice.

Right now,
It seems
our lives
Are comprised
Of few "hellos"
And short "Goodbyes"

"Byes" aren't good
I cannot stand them
The bright hello
Becomes so dim

But...

I'd rather say bye
A thousand times
If it meant
Your arms
Could hold me more.

My eyelids are heavy
But you said resistance is futile
My mind is slowly drifting
But you are the ocean
My thoughts have floated miles in
But you cannot here me
My head is only loud inside
But I'll speak loud one day
Because you said resistance is futile.

It's snowing.
Maybe that is why you did not call.
It's Tuesday.
Maybe you've got your back against a wall.
It hurts.
That I can only guess.
It's annoying.
My heart is such a mess.

I think your soul walked in one day,
he walked into my heart.
Way back in the summer haze,
when we strolled around the park.
Normally I'd make him leave,
my ribs are not hospitable.
But he was no guest at all, you see,
he made himself so comfortable.
Stranger still, he found my soul
even in her hiding.
As if he knew right where to look,
and she put up no fighting.
Instead she made a place for him
and wanted him to stay.
Because she knew that day they met,
she'd never want him far away.

It's rushing through my veins
 Speeding up a slower pulse
  It only causes pain
   When I know I can't get close
    I try to block it out
     Try and keep it far away
      But I hear Satan breathing
       And black and white turns grey
        Desire is like honey
         It runs thicker than my blood
          I'd try and stop the bleeding
           But on my own I'm not that good

They say absence makes the heart grow
fonder dear, fonder of the one who's gone.
So this is me wondering, has your heart grown?

Cause 6 weeks ago I might have held your hand
And 6 weeks ago I thought I'd understand
Where my heart would be but I think it's separate from me
It couldn't stand to leave ole' Birmingham

I'll tell myself I'm doing fine.
I'm doing fine but I'm writing rhymes
about your eyes and how they shine.
Do mine shine for you too?
Cause writing rhymes ain't anything,
I do about the ones that mean something.
You mean something to me.

Cause 6 weeks ago I might have held your hand
And 6 weeks ago I thought I'd understand
Where my heart would be but I think it's separate from me
It couldn't stand to leave ole' Birmingham

I guess time crept up on me and you did too.
Now I'm left feeling I'm wearing two left shoes.
Yes, yes I missed you.
They say absence makes the heart grow
fonder dear, fonder of the one who's gone.
So this is me wondering, has your heart grown?

Maybe if I go to sleep,
then my mind will rest.
It's wide awake and won't shut up,
though I've tried my best.
To silence thoughts inside my head
is harder than it should be.
My emotions drown my logic out,
oh, dark rest come quickly.
Close my eyes and tuck me in,
wrap me in the night.
Filter through the loudest thoughts,
let quiet win the fight.
Once the night is tangled up
inside my weary head,
maybe then I'll get some sleep
and wake up in a silent bed.