In the middle of a field of daisy's
Runs a river made of tears.

The river of tears grows everyday
Because of the tears cryed each day.

The days pass and it grows and grows,
Filling the field with sorrow.

One by one the daisy's die
As the river of tears overflows.

there were occasions
when your forehead cracked
against the white tiled wall;
your cheeks swelled up from
the impact against the underside
of the porcelain wash basin;
your palms bearing red angry
lines and claw marks in tiny crimson
crescents, and those faded scar marks
decorating your once emaciated body?

Do you still remember
your hair being teared out
from the roots, your fingers
forced backwards with such
brutal force until you thought
you won't be able to write anymore;
your blistered back from the
simmering liquid leaking from the white
kettle, not to mention those blue-black
marks on your chest and upper thighs?

Do you still remember
those days you stood like
a statue facing a wall of whiteness,
your tiny feet with flaking soles
fitted within an equally small square tile
and you wondered how long to mealtimes,
bedtime to rest your aching body?
You continued to live through
the whole cycle again:
Wake up after being yelled at
to get out of that bed.
Eat.
Stand.
Being showered hastily because
you were like a disease to be
avoided at all cost.
Get lost and go to bed.
Repeat.

When people asked about
your scars and bruises,
you told them you fell
down accidentally and that
you were careless.
They must not know the truth;
you must not tell them.
One word out-
Bang!
You are dead.

One thing that you would remember
were the words that made you
feel worthless and a waste
of space, the screams, the
death threats, the insults.
Those were like knives plunged
into your battled body, deep into
your shattered heart, which hurt
more than those pains inflicted
in your weakened flesh.

You tumbled down into a deep
never-ending darkness,
wishing you could forget
and never had to relive
those memories again.

As if you could.
You couldn't forget so easily,
no matter how hard you'd tried.
So you continue to feel all
the pain,
except now you are the one
hurting yourself.
It's your own fault.
You have only yourself to blame.

The agony was too much
and the memories suffocated
her until she could not breathe.

For two months she found herself
in a hospital, for she thought
seeking Death would be

a better choice. Jagged red
lines smiled at her
cunningly from her own wrists.

The doctors, nurses and her family
kept her far away from
her best friend, a sharp

point dripping in crimson.
She wondered where it was;
if she was going to see

it again. For days, she
slept and wished
she could sleep forever.

But one day she was told
by the doctor
there was nothing more to be

done to keep her from
thinking the bad thoughts,
except to prescribe drugs

to make her either numb
or fine for a while.
So she went back home,

back to the empty spaces,
back to those horrible memories-
that time of the year

she could not forget, no matter how
she tried to push them to
the back of her mind. Then

she found the farewell letter
she had written two months ago,
meaning to say goodbye

and never, ever come back.
She read it and the agony
came back once again.

It was too much and
the memories suffocated her,
until she could not breathe.

The day she refused to converse with me,
I was sad and pondered what it could be.
She passed by me without saying a hi,
Let alone bothering to say goodbye.

Her mind was filled with incessant bad thoughts,
Like ropes tied around her neck in huge knots.
Worries and doubts stayed rooted in her mind,
Grief and frustration- that's all she could find.

Unease and fearful of those snide comments
From those people whom she loathe with laments,
Soon she avoided me with suspicion-
Thought I befriended with ill intention.

When I gave her a gift to bid farewell;
A meal in which I'd got no right to dwell.
She sat furthest from me- I'm a virus.
She didn't want what I'd given-it's not hers.

Then she left quietly on her last day,
This I remembered: early part of May.
A colleague said she had left a present
Without telling me, to my amazement.

When I was given her gift later on,
I wished to apologise, but she'd gone.
Why didn't I realise sooner? It's too late
To cry over spilled milk. Perhaps that's fate.

THEN

You were a pillar, sturdy and tall.
I desperately clung onto you.
Dependent, naive and still young,
I was ignorant to the fact that you
woke up too early and came back too late.

Until one day you collapsed
in front of me
and I fell along with you.

My fault, my fault, my fault.

Those bleak nights with your absence,
I stared into the darkness that seemed
to stretch for eternity.
I could not stop my cheeks from getting wet;
that saltiness that seeped into
the corners of my mouth.

No. I could not stay like this forever.
I need to change.
I need to be independent, because I'd
lost you.
I don't want to lose you
any further.

NOW*

You were once my anchor
to keep me from sinking.
Yet I've learnt to stand
on my own two feet.
You have finally returned,
but you are no longer as strong
as before.

It's okay, it's okay, it's okay.*

You are shrinking- more bones
are protruding.
You move slowly, meticulously,
as though relearning how to
walk again.
I admire your resilience;
your diligence to get better.
No more waking up too early
and coming back too late.

We are both aging, yet
your rate of getting sunken cheeks
and sagging skin appears
to speed up too fast,
too soon.

If time could rewind, I want you
back to when you were still
tall and radiant, and that
I would get a chance to love you
more- I would not be a burden
to you, then.

What has been done cannot be undone.
So I embrace the changes
and learn to love you
in the present and many
years to come.

Thank you for being my pillar.

I've learned different languages yet my heart still spoke your name.

I've traveled to many places yet none of it led to your arms.

I've seen the world's different wonders yet nothing compared to the color of your eyes.

I've listened to thousands of songs yet I still prefer the sound of your voice.

I've been taught a lot of things.

I've been taught by you.


You taught me how to love,



but not how to live without yours.

Love me,
and darling, let me know.
Hold me,
and never let me go.
For your smile is as bright
as the sun on a summer's day.
Those colors in your eyes,
they never go away.
For you are as beautiful
as the roses on a field.
Nothing will ever compare
to the love that you yield.
Oh when i'm beside you
everything is fine.
Everytime you get close,
seems like the stars
will never lose their shine.

You promised,
and said you'd leave me never.
Our love.


I wish it lasted forever.

You used to be my warmth.
But you went as cold as snow.
Hurt me,
and I'll still never find
courage to let go.

Maybe there's still a chance.
Maybe things won't
fade to black.
Maybe one day
maybe one day I'll have you back.

Maybe you'll bring back the sun.
And protect me from the rain.
Maybe one day,
it won't be hard for you.
For you
to love me again.

Darling, you can break me
into a million pieces
that again may not fit.
I will only put them back
together
and love you with it.

Day by day,
you know I've prayed.
Because without you
I am nothing
but afraid.

I'm holding on to something
that I can never get back,
I will still be here, though.
I think I've given up

with trying to let go.