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2.3k · Feb 2016
Heart: A Concrete Poem
Ash Rose Feb 2016
~love~                ~is in~
the air, a wonderful thing
that covers me up with
it's wandering eyes
and tells me to
stay.
I don' even know... I was bored
1.4k · Mar 2017
Fairy-tale Ending
Ash Rose Mar 2017
If only we could run away
To a land where no one hurts.

How quickly I would go to stay
Unnoticed but never alone.
Real life isn't like the movies:
Too bad, I think to myself, the
Starry skies gazing down at me.

Love, the bittersweet enemy of mine,
Idolized and envied by the naive.
Keeping quiet, my heart screams with
Equal feelings of hate and anger.

How easy it is to see the impact
Everlasting, the way they tear down my
Life; yet without that hidden place to hide in, the
Land beneath our feet falls apart.
1.3k · Jan 2016
Open Your Eyes
Ash Rose Jan 2016
i
try to
apologize
but
the tears
confuse me
once again

the heartache
painful
blinds me
watching you
silent
for too long

you
may heal
but
my heart
will
always
belong to
you
--
1.2k · Nov 2015
Without Knowing
Ash Rose Nov 2015
I didn't know what to say,
only what to do.
When the pain was much too great,
all I did was hold you close.
I didn't know how to act,
only when to move.
When you came back,
all I did was hold you close.
But you still loved me,
me with all my faults.
You picked me up and loved me.
Without knowing what to say--
how to act--
You loved me.
My being, my all.
You loved me.
--
965 · Jan 2016
Stay
Ash Rose Jan 2016
Please, forgive me.
You have every reason in the world to hate me --
believe me, I do too --
but please.
Stay.

I promise.
I'll try harder to be the person I should be --
the person you want me to be --
and please.
Stay.

My only reason.
You push air in and out of my lungs, you keep me alive --
when everything else tells me to just die already --
so please.
*Stay.
950 · Mar 2016
All Around Her
Ash Rose Mar 2016
She lives in a world of lies and shattered pieces
Constantly telling herself that everything will work out
That it will be alright if she can just hold on
When she knows in her broken little soul
That the only thing that will mend is the hearts of those around her

Truly she knows how deadly her mind is to herself
The fake, comforting, band-aid thoughts that fill her with dread
Taking over when she's alone and crying
Those white lies that she almost believed in
The one she almost trusted, stabbing her in the back

The delicate rose inside of her withering away with dehydration
Life being ****** out, replaced by a poison of the worst kind
Doubts filling her head, clouding her judgement
Forcing her to do unforgivable things that she'll never forget
The thorn in her side pushing her again and again

They say you need to bleed to know you're alive
And although she has bled, she's still not sure
Wishing it was all just a nightmare, a lie of a dream
Again with the lies, she'll never get away
She runs and runs but they always follow her

All around her she sees the broken pieces of herself
Reflected back at her sobbing figure through cracked mirrors
Lighting bouncing off and hiding away
Hiding from the girl who sealed her own fate
The girl who knew what she was getting into but couldn't stop

The girl who is me
--
925 · Oct 2017
Autumn Colors
Ash Rose Oct 2017
Red leaves on every tree
Falling to rest on the ground
Candles in every room
Smelling of apple and spice

Orange pumpkins with scary faces
Smiling as the people pass by
The light of the moon like a small star
Thousands of miles away

Yellow sun shining on heads
Warming the frozen fingers
Both birds and children call
To mothers and fathers, to friends and family

Brown hair in its own battle
Wrapped up un a striped scarf
Hot chocolate with cinnamon and steam
Drunk from a ceramic mug

All these things come together
These are the colors of Autumn
I originally wrote this in German... and it rhymed then, but not now.
922 · May 2017
Dangerous
Ash Rose May 2017
Living again, breathing in the air deeply,
unlucky before but fortuitous now.
Keeping my eyes on the prize,
All around me the world falls away,
sadness making way to safety.

Whether by chance or by intention,
only we know what's happened,
only you and I, together but apart.
Damage has been done,
but now it's all reversed.
Really, it's just my luck,
I never thought I'd be back where I am.
Dangerous as it is,
giving me what I wanted but didn't ask for,
everything in me is alive again.
814 · Nov 2015
Tired
Ash Rose Nov 2015
"Just stay strong,"
they tell me.
"Just keep holding on,"
they scream at me.
Their voices like needles,
poking me, prodding me, deflating my balloon.
******* the air out of my lungs.
In the hardest times, this is all I hear.
"Hold on,
you'll make it through this."
But it's not that easy.
Sometimes the world throws one at me,
a foul ball that I can't seem to dodge.
It takes over my life, takes control of my thoughts, my feelings.
It's not up to me, take my word for it!
I try to be happy, I try to get past it,
but it doesn't help.
All I feel is this big hole of nothingness,
a pit of loneliness in the biggest crowd,
a steel bubble separating me from the rest of the world.
"Stay with us, don't try to leave.
You are loved, you are wanted,"
but it doesn't feel like it,
because half the time, the ones I thought would stay by me,
are actually rushing to run away from me.
The ones I thought would defend me and love me,
are actually the ones whispering.
They tell me I can make it,
but I don't think they've really thought about it.
"I know how you feel,
but don't forget to never let go."
No you don't!
You don't know what depression feels like,
it's not just sadness!
You don't know how empty I feel,
it's not just anger!
You don't know that I cry myself to sleep every night,
it's not just anxiety!
You don't know why every single morning,
I have to paint a smile on my face, for the rest of the world,
it's definitely not easy.
Because I'm looked down on if I show this,
if I show any sign of having human emotions,
I am ridiculed.
So instead I have to put on a mask,
I have to pretend to be just fine,
even though inside, I've been crumbling away for years and years.
The outside never reflects the inside,
that's what I've learned.
Even when you think I'm strong,
even when you think I'm holding on,
even when you think I'm making it through this,
even when you think I'm staying with you,
I'm not,
and I'm tired of pretending that I am.
775 · Nov 2015
Notice
Ash Rose Nov 2015
Tears streaming down her face
Cuts on her wrists
Bruises on her heart
Saying the things she never could say
Praying the things she never could pray
Why am I even here,
I don't want to be living
Take me, please!
Covering up with a smile
Laughing during the day, sobbing at night
Never telling anyone, her silent cry for help
Explaining only to those closest to her
Watching them walk away, and never come back
Why does everyone always leave?
Aren't they supposed to help,
Isn't that what friends are for?
No one giving her any reason to stay
Wouldn't it be easier?
Leaving seemed so easy
She had really already done it
Her body was here but her soul was gone
****** away, locked up, restrained infinitely
And everyone assumed she was just fine
But she wasn't
And no one cared enough to notice.
Please help me!!
She screamed inside
Look at me! I'm not alright, I'm not okay!
Someone please just look,
I don't know how long I'll last...
--
761 · Jun 2017
Progression
Ash Rose Jun 2017
Strange sensations
Grins and smiles
The smell of the night
Doing what felt right
The best of times

Familiar sensations
Grins and faces of lust
The smell of liquor and perfume
Doing what felt best
The most pleasurable of times

Painful sensations
Grimaces and faces of hate
The smell of metal and blood
Doing what distracted most
The worst of times

Nothing...
Blank faces
Nothing to smell
Nothing to feel
Nothing to remember
Everything suppressed
not my writing, but a friend's.
709 · Sep 2016
How Could You?
Ash Rose Sep 2016
How could you do this to me?
Not only did you lie to me,
You manipulated me --
Twisting your words
Until it was what you thought I wanted to hear.
All I ever wanted was the truth!
You destroyed me --
When I found you'd lied,
Nothing else made sense
Your words were all the same,
Sugar coated just to benefit yourself.
Not one thing you did was for me!
And now, I doubt you --
I doubt you ever had true love for me.
Everything you claim is real,
How do I know it's no different than before?
When you said it over and over again,
Digging your own grave,
With each and every sentence,
How do I know you're not just lying again?
How could you do this to me,
Making me doubt myself and everyone around me.
Ash Rose Mar 2017
Now that I've said goodbye...
I've realized just how much I love your hello,
that cute little smile you give me from across the room,
the tight embrace you hold me in every day,
and the way your eyes search deep into mine.

Now that I've said goodbye...
I've realized just how much I treasure our times,
the laughter we share over nothing and everything,
the waves of affection and amazement that pour over me,
and telling you every part of my innermost thoughts.

Now that I've said goodbye...
I've realized that I wasn't ready to yet.
it was my choice. i should be okay with it. but i'm not.
631 · Nov 2015
Biggest Fears
Ash Rose Nov 2015
My biggest fears are the most probable things:
Missing out on a fun life,
being too consumed with love,
or messing up a good relationship.
Failing an exam,
embarrassing myself in front of a bunch of others,
or just one person.
Not making friends,
being judged for my appearances,
or being taken too seriously.
Never getting past this darkness in my life,
never starting a family,
or never having time to myself.
Worrying too much,
procrastinating too often,
or jumping the gun too many times.
Losing the trust of my loved ones,
taking too many risks,
or having a boring life.
It's the most common and changeable events,
that stir up the most fear in me.
616 · Sep 2016
Short and Sweet
Ash Rose Sep 2016
Looking at you from across the room,
undeniably, I'm falling for you.
Knotted stomach, butterflies and all.
All I know is that I don't know why,
something about you is making me smile.
598 · Feb 2016
Overflowing
Ash Rose Feb 2016
The taste of your lips,
and the light of your smile.
The ring of your laugh,
and the fire of your touch.
All working together as one
to make me fall deeper.
Speeding up my inevitable landing,
and in your arms, you catch me.
My life finally adding up,
all the moments and tears and wonders.
It all comes together as one,
finally making sense to my finite mind.
554 · Mar 2016
No More Hiding
Ash Rose Mar 2016
It's all been said and done,
everything out in the open.
There's nothing I can do now,
nowhere I can hide my emotion.
I've been broken too long,
tried to hold it all in, but it's useless.
All those times I refrained from speaking,
I realize now, it was so foolish.
I'm sorry for all the lies,
for all those times I couldn't say
What I thought, what I felt,
I never meant to lead you astray!
537 · Nov 2015
Crashing
Ash Rose Nov 2015
My voice talking to you,
like waves on the ocean
crashing, crashing, calling for your attention.

Your ears hearing but not listening,
like a transmitter with an unknown signal.
Picking up my voice but not doing anything with it,
recognizing the words but not understanding them.

When did it get like this,
our communication like two sides of a universe:
together, but completely different?
Do opposites really attract,
or do they just push each other away
when they realize how different they actually are?
515 · Dec 2015
Nighttime Glories
Ash Rose Dec 2015
blood
like tears
running down her arm
dripping on the tile
salty and metallic, mixing, swirling
the proof of all the lies
her mind screaming out loud
reminding her through the scars
514 · Mar 2017
Untitled
Ash Rose Mar 2017
numbness
drowning, deafeningly silent
in my own thoughts
back to this again

running
away from this feeling
or lack thereof
which consumes me yet again
506 · Dec 2015
Destruction
Ash Rose Dec 2015
words
like arrows
piercing my heart
carefully aimed
at me
fired at will
soon forgotten

tears
in the delicate fabric
of my soul
ripping
breaking me further

naive, young
torn apart
by weapons
deliberate
and *purposeful
503 · Nov 2015
Autumn
Ash Rose Nov 2015
Swirling in the warm breeze
Leaves flashing orange and red, yellow and brown
Whispering air creeping up the buildings
Letting me know that it's autumn now
Tastes and scents, feelings and thoughts
Summer has passed and winter is yet to come
But for now the world is a colorful mess
When the sun has set and the day is done
I just remember this feeling
Autumn, in my bones, flowing through my hair
Autumn, the spiral of warmth in the cold
Autumn
--
492 · Mar 2017
Modernism Poem
Ash Rose Mar 2017
Little white blossoms, born overnight
pure, easy, unbelievably real
bred in the darkness, made into light
463 · Dec 2015
You.
Ash Rose Dec 2015
~make me joyful on the worst days of mine~
~talk to me when I need it, when no one else can tell~
~swell my heart with love and fullness~
~make me wonder if there's more to life than this~
~fill my mind and consume all my thoughts~
~thank you~
455 · Mar 2016
It's Hard To Admit
Ash Rose Mar 2016
I'm done trying so hard
the effort I've put in has been too much
I'm not giving up, just giving in
to the reality of what will happen
live and let live, they say
if it's meant to be, it will be
so whatever happens, I will let it
if we're meant to be together
then somehow, we will be
as much as it pains me to admit
if this isn't supposed to last
then I hope it doesn't
but if I'm lucky enough to be with you
I will dedicate my life to us
and will never stop loving you
454 · Feb 2016
Reflection
Ash Rose Feb 2016
she looked in the mirror with tears in her eyes
and she couldn't even recognize
the face that was staring right back at her
when had all her innocence left her?
and she knew she would regret it as she dragged across her skin
the knife of a soul broken once again
she heard in the depths of her shattered heart
a voice calling out through the dark, saying,

don't you give up, don't you let go
I am with you, by your side, I'm by your side
you're amazing, you're beautiful, and
I promise you that I am here, I'm always here

blood like tears ran down her arms
and splashed onto the tile floor
a quiet reminder, proof of the lies,
the only thing she felt she could do
she had so many friends but they were all fake
she knew not one of them really loved her
she was standing right beside them but her soul was somewhere else
and she could not come back to earth, she heard,

don't you give up, don't ever let go
I am with you, by your side, I'm by your side
you are lovely, you are so worth it,
I promise you that I am here, I'm always here

in her darkest moment she heard it again,
she was ready to give up, she wanted to let go
she hated herself and what she'd become
so she held that knife to her skin...
lyrics from a song I wrote...
I don't exactly have an ending I totally love yet
447 · Feb 2019
Rushing Waters
Ash Rose Feb 2019
Desperately kicking
Trying to stay afloat
It went from calm, still waters
To thundering white caps
Within a matter of seconds
The pain was dull, serene
Hiding behind ripples and bubbles
But now it’s pounding
Tearing apart flesh and bones
What I wouldn’t give to go back
To the easy, gentle flow
Rocking slowly with a smile
Please just take me back
436 · Jan 2017
My Whole
Ash Rose Jan 2017
The pain in your eyes,
it cut me to the core.
It was a deep, dark wound
that I had never seen before

Your scars that you uncovered,
your heart strung out to dry,
broken into throbbing pieces.

Lift your face, open your eyes.
You've made mistakes, but that's not your disguise!
Show me your smile, let me hear your laugh.
You're my issue now, my whole, not my half.
434 · Jun 2017
Bittersweet
Ash Rose Jun 2017
closed off from the world
in a room with her thoughts and regrets
she felt felt so lonely in crowded places

her friends always told her,
"hold on a little longer"
but she dreamed of a world
without any pain or hurt or tears

how quickly she'd go and stay
unnoticed but not alone
real life isn't like the movies
she told herself as she held back tears

love, the bittersweet enemy
idolized and envied by naive
keeping quiet her heart screams
with hate and anger
how easy it is to see the way
it tears her down
yet without that hidden place to hide in
she falls apart

crimson covering the bitter memory
of that one little promise
broken with one quick-spoken word

she can't seem to run
away from all the lies
but the truth is a blade
held to her wrist with her shaking hand
434 · Apr 2016
Untitled
Ash Rose Apr 2016
The pain in your eyes,
your voice breaking as you speak,
it breaks me inside.

You've seen so much hurt,
experienced so much loss,
known so much heartache.

You are so **** young,
you should be so innocent
and yet, you are not.
haiku x3
429 · May 2016
One More Time
Ash Rose May 2016
You know what they say,
that you never know what you have 'til it's gone.
And now I know that is the truth.
All this time, I thought
that I had all I would ever need,
but now I see that was a lie.

One more time I hear you say,
you don't wanna hurt me, but it's too late.
Walkin' away, the tears on my face,
knowing you'll never be mine.
I know I said that I'd be okay,
but the truth is I don't know how...

And my heart breaks
with the words that are coming out of your mouth.
I love your honesty,
but right now I can't take it no more.

All I want is to see you
and to feel okay for once,
but I know it's not easy to adjust.
Is there something I can do
to just enjoy my time with you,
or something I can say to change your mind?

One more time I hear you say,
you don't wanna hurt me, but it's too late.
Walkin' away, the tears on my face,
knowing you'll never be mine.
I know I said that I'd be okay,
but the truth is I don't know how...

And my heart breaks
with the words that are coming out of your mouth.
I love your honesty,
but right now I can't take it no more.

One more time I hear you say,
you don't wanna hurt me, but it's too late.
Walkin' away, the tears on my face,
knowing you'll never be mine.
I know I said that I'd be okay,
but the truth is I don't know how...

And my heart breaks
with the words that are coming out of your mouth.
I love your honesty,
but right now I can't take it no more.
lyrics to another song I wrote recently
417 · Jan 2016
A Penny For Your Thoughts
Ash Rose Jan 2016
I wonder if --
this world is all we have?
If we really tried,
could we not find something else out there?

I wonder if --
it will always be like this?
If we wanted to,
could we not stop all the evil, deaths, and broken hearts?
412 · Nov 2015
What More?
Ash Rose Nov 2015
How is it that someone can be my other half,
my solid rock,
my midnight thoughts,
my reason for living,
my lighthouse in the middle of a storm,
but be completely clueless about it?
Why, when I have told him time after time,
I love you,
You mean the world to me,
he just doesn't get it?
Is he always this oblivious,
has he always been and I just didn't notice?
What more can I do,
what more can I say,
to let him know?
I would have given up by now,
had it not been for his words,
he is the one who kept me holding on,
he is the one who picked up my broken pieces,
and put me back together.
But now he barely looks at me.
Those eyes that I used to gaze into
and see myself reflected in their depths,
now seem as unfamiliar as the ocean.
What did I do to deserve this?
He knows me better than anyone in the world,
but we haven't had a deep talk in ages.
The one I used to be able to call my best friend, my love,
is now like a stranger, passing me without a second glance.
And the worst part,
is that I don't know why!
386 · Mar 2016
Final Words
Ash Rose Mar 2016
Sitting here with you,
I pour out my heart,
I let you in to the deepest parts of me.

My honesty spills out of me,
riding the tears down my face,
leaving scars where I can't be mended or fixed.

Please, don't destroy me,
I gave you the chance to get out,
but please, don't take it.

You are the light that guides me,
the flashlight to my darkened soul
without you I will never find my way.
365 · Apr 2016
Us
Ash Rose Apr 2016
Us
I just want you back again
I don't even know who I am now
the silence coming from your direction
is more deafening than any scream
I don't know how to change this
I want to do something -- anything
but I know that I can't
351 · Jun 2017
Trust
Ash Rose Jun 2017
Little freckles dotting the bridge of his nose,
dancing across his face, on his forehead and chin,
like angel kisses on the soft, soft skin.
His dark brown hair, swept from ear to ear,
golden tips creating color amidst darkness,
giving a warm glow to his head.
All the colors trapped in his eyes,
wonderful blues, greens, grays, and browns,
leaving a lasting impression of simple beauty.
The lightest touch of his fingertips on my skin,
caressing my neck and jaw,
brushing against my lips with love and care.
346 · Nov 2015
Catch me
Ash Rose Nov 2015
catch me,
i'm falling--
quickly, surely, wholeheartedly falling.
into a pit of joy and broken hearts,
of glory and humility.

catch me,
i'm falling--
hesitantly, every day falling.
a little here, a bunch there, still falling
it's not a choice, it's just what is.

catch me,
i'm falling--
in love
with
you.
345 · Nov 2015
Evening Sky
Ash Rose Nov 2015
Driving by, melancholy,
not expecting anything, but then I see it.
Orange, pink, blue, gray,
a beautiful ending to a not-so-beautiful day.
A reminder of who is who,
and a sign of what will be.
A chill sent up my spine,
for me, at just the right time.
Colors blending and thoughts mending,
music in my ears, wishes on my lips.
And just like that,
gone in the blink of an eye--
Please don't leave me for too long,
my sunset in the evening sky...
339 · Mar 2016
All The Lies
Ash Rose Mar 2016
the words you said
the things you told me
the messages I believed
now, nothing but a lie
a dying flower in the fields
an arrow soaring towards my heart
a pair of mockingbirds just copying each other
all this time, it's all been a lie
the looks you gave me
the wonder in your eyes that i had come to believe
the piercing lightning of your touch
now pierces my heart, my brain
I don't understand it, how could you do this
who could be so cruel to lie
for months on end
saying one after another after another
never ceasing
you ask for forgiveness
you ask that I don't hate you
but I can't right now
you dropped a bomb on me, you destroyed me
everything I thought was true
just a little white lie
breaking me, killing me
hurting me more than any words ever have
334 · Feb 2016
Safer Together
Ash Rose Feb 2016
The reminder of our love, your smile in my mind
joyful thoughts, my happy place, you are one of a kind!
My dear, I love your innocence, if only you knew just how much
I try to tell you, but I just don't think you know the extent of my love.
Your eyes, your hands, your hugs engulf me
in the much needed stability, adoration, and security.
326 · Jan 2016
midnight parades
Ash Rose Jan 2016
the most honest thoughts come in the dead of the night
no one around, no one listening
alone but not lonely, apart but not parted
remembering the day, the month, the year
regretting everything and reliving the memories
routinely happening, again and again
nothing can stop them, these times of reflection
323 · May 2016
The Hardest Part
Ash Rose May 2016
Losing a friend,
it's the hardest part.
Sure, my heart aches,
and the tears stain my face.
But the worst feeling, the most pain,
comes from knowing
I'll never have my best friend back again.
319 · Feb 2016
Fishbowl
Ash Rose Feb 2016
the mistakes i've made
staring at me through the glass
on the outside, everything solid, unchanging
on the inside, everything smeared, streaked
it's all so unknown, everything unclear
this life i'm living, these lies i'm telling
everyone who comes and looks
all i do, on display for all to see
315 · Mar 2016
Tears
Ash Rose Mar 2016
spilling out of my eyes
rolling down my cheeks
these thoughts and feelings
drowning me in my own pain
the words i said to you
killing me, stabbing me
wondering where i went wrong
when it all fell apart
what can i do
313 · Apr 2016
Confession
Ash Rose Apr 2016
You don't even know
What you do to me
What your words can cause me to think
You don't even know
How you make me feel
How I just want you to say what you never will say
You don't even know
That I go to bed crying
That my tears reflect what I never could say
310 · Mar 2016
True Lies
Ash Rose Mar 2016
those words,
"I'm okay."
spelling out everything I'm not,
giving way to the frightened child within me:
alone, but somehow not lonely
the tears I've cried
threatening to spill onto my cheeks as I speak,
invisible to everyone else.
308 · Nov 2015
Look
Ash Rose Nov 2015
When you're sad, everyone notices.
They ask if you're okay, maybe you're just sick?
What's wrong? Your life isn't that bad!
Surely you just didn't get enough sleep last night.

But then when you're happy, when you really have it all...
Not a word...
No one sees you, no one thinks of you.
You want to scream at them:
Look at me!! I'm normal! I have good days like everyone else!
But it's useless.
They won't notice.

And the ones that do, instead of complimenting your joy,
Just ask why you're being so crazy,
Comment on your spontaneous impulses.
No, this is me! This is my life!
I have lots of bad days but this is really me!
Why doesn't anyone notice that?
Seeing and believing are different things.
I know I can't convince you but I still try to show you,
And you don't even look.
--
305 · Mar 2016
Separate
Ash Rose Mar 2016
miles between us
no words can replace
the distance from
my heart to yours
no thoughts can distract
my mind from you

stay here with me
while I fall asleep
tonight as I cry
keep me company
when I am alone
just be here for me
303 · Mar 2016
Colorful Love
Ash Rose Mar 2016
the blue in your eyes
penetrating my line of sight
the words that you say
increasing my love for you day by day
the way you move and how you breathe
you're more than I could ever be
hand in hand, we fit like a glove
thank you for this gift of love
I was just kind of playing around with rhyme :P
291 · Mar 2017
Her x2
Ash Rose Mar 2017
My heart beats so loudly --
a screaming time bomb.
X marks the spot where my chest broke open...
Indescribable pain radiating from me,
nauseousness, unable to focus,
everything blurring at the edges.

Sometimes I wonder,
if I had truly done everything I could.
******* it, it hurts so much:
never enough to **** me but enough to scar me.
Every thought, slicing into my heart
ripping, tearing, destroying that vital *****.
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