S. I don't even know you but you've attracted me far beyond rationality. The expression that rests on your face gives me goosebumps. The *** drive I have for you is ridiculous. I want to dive my face between your thighs till my lips go numb. I want to hear how sweet the sound of my name comes when slipped inbetween moans that escape your sweet lips. I want your hand in my head signaling to never stop. I want to hold you I want to dance with you. I want to listen to the eagles with you. I don't even know you and I want to, oh god I want to. I want to stare into your eyes and know that you're all mine and I'm all yours. I want to do ***** teenage things with you, I want to cute couple things with you. We can makeout in the backseat of your parents car while some red hot chili peppers plays, we can argue about why I want you to not go to parties without me alone. I just want you to bad I want to give love hickies along your collar bones I want to kiss your neck and feel your legs around my waist. I want you, S. This is a ***/love note.

Hard to tell of I even exist anymore
I am as invisible as a ghost
I'm only acknowledged when I do damage
Or something you don't appreciate
So I lock myself up in my cage of a room and waste the time that crawls by. You see me as a seed, ready to be put in good dirt to bloom to a rose but what you don't see is I'm a slimy piece of plastic from the trash. I'm a stench you can't wash out, a stench you can't outrun and I'm so sorry for polluting you. Because you really are a seed that is ready to bloom and be admired but I'm nothing. And I'm sorry you dragged me around only to get carpal tunnel and be in pain. If I could is steal your pain. I swim in pain all day, everyday, so it wouldn't be such a hit to me. But the day you left me I received a huge hole in my heart that you ripped and I can't sew it back together again

"If she is important to you, show her!"
I tried. I've grown dark bags under my eyes because I would stay up late to talk to her so she would go to sleep happy. I educated myself so I knew what she liked and knew what she discussed I was so out of touch with society and what was going on until she pushed me to know. She changed me so much by grabbing me by my collar and pulling me around the world. Then one day she got carpal tunnel and left me in the ***** soil to "grow again" but I'll be ****** if I ever do because she saw me as a seed when I am just a piece if trash. It's good she's gone I was stinking her up. She was the true rose of the world. I pray to a god I don't believe in every night that she'll come back. I miss her so ******* much.

Tonight I feel like my bones and organs have dissolved into my bloodstream and are pestering underneath the skin. I've never once released them, I think it's safe to say they're my demons that I keep locked up. I can't quite recall what made me so ******* sad so long ago I guess it'd have to be several things that are irrelevant singular but together they create a massive force to be reckoned with and they've made a home inside my bones.

Tiny vessels oozed into the pores of your neck, formed the bruises that you dreaded from fading. You chased me away with loud sounds and violent ways when all the time through you were quiet and peaceful inside. I didn't hide from you. You hid from me though. Now is the moment I live in where I look into her eyes and think "she's beautiful but she doesn't mean a thing to me."
While I caress her healthy skin he's bruising your dying skin. I wanted to engulf you into a mass of love and affection but you can't teach an old dog new tricks. I reached out with a strong arm to touch your soul but you took the dagger from him and sawed my arm through the bone. I wake up late some nights, the nights I actually sleep, and softly touch the scar you left me with. I miss it. I'm a hollowed, rotten, empty soul. You made me me feel full, healthy, and whole. You looked at me, then you looked at the tiny vessels implanted and ran twords him. I'll pray every night to a god I don't exactly believe in that you'll come back to me someday.

This is everything I didn't say.
I didn't say how much you hurt me when you left I didn't say how much I miss(ed) you from when you abandoned me and abandoned our love. I didn't say how your words stabbed me over and over again in the form of a jagged shank. I didn't say  how you tore me right open, exposed me, and then left without sewing me up again.

How do you feel in your own skin
Do you feel revolted
Do you feel disgusted
Do you feel like you're walking around in skin that isn't yours?
I weep for your loss I weep for your hatred of yourself
I don't envy you but I would love to lift you up high up away from all troubles laid upon you