I've always drifted in a dark place,
Dancing in the shadows,
Flirting with demise.

I've been this way for so long,
I didn't know what I was missing.
Not until a spark of life,
Grew into a flame.
A spark of happiness,
That turned into an explosion.

I functioned!
I saw!
I felt!
I embraced it,
enjoying life for the first time,
But at the same time,
Trying to shut it out.

I hated it because I knew it would leave.
How can I go back to the shadows after being in the light?

But you can't stop the inevitable..
Back to the shadows,
I drifted.

I'm the invisible daughter,
Forgotten right down to the core.
The bane of my parent's existence;
The bad apple fallen from their Tree of Life.

I only exist when I'm in trouble.
But I wonder,
What do they see when they're yelling at me?
Do they see my mistake?
Or theirs?

I watch my father with his other daughter,
The perfect doting dad.
I flashback to my childhood and the love I never had.
I pray for my sister,
Pray that this last forever, and that she never know him as I did.

I watch my mother from afar,
The distance between us insurmountable, though in the same house.
I pray for my sisters, that they never see her as I had.

I'm their disappointment,
Their failure,
Though still I remain, The Invisible Daughter.

Do not fear,
Do not despair,
It will get better.

Yes, the waves will crash
Yes, you will stumble and fall
Yes, the hourglass of life will flip
Yes, by climbing that mountain you will slip
But grab hold, don't drop.
Stand firm.
Be a rock.
It will get better.

You will cry,
You will scream,
But it will fall on deaf ears.
There will be no one to see your tears.
Be loud,
Feel more,
It will get better

It will get better Darling, just hold on.
Just take that leap
Just get some sleep.
Do not fear,
Do not despair.
It will get better.

I'm no quiet wonder,
I'm no shining beauty,
I'm no special genius,
I'm just ordinary.

I don't stand out in a crowd,
I don't have a voice that everyone listens to,
And I don't have the body that makes heads turn.
I'm just ordinary.

I have the arms that welcome everyone,
I have the hands that ache to heal,
I have the quiet voice and the curtain of hair,
The ears that will listen,
The heart that will bleed for you and care.
But, I'm just ordinary.

Nothing special,
Nothing beautiful,
Just ordinary.

Don't be afraid to hold back,
Don't be afraid to say no.
Don't listen to his pleas,
Don't listen to their accusations, calling you a tease.
It's your body girl, just say no.

He'll tell you he loves you,
He'll say he'll hold you forever.
But what happens when the pill doesn't work?
What happens when the ****** breaks?
Or just when he finds someone else?
He'll take a part of you,
A part you on't get back.

You're gonna look in the mirror,
You're gonna curse yourself,
You're gonna curse him.
Listen girl, don't bring this upon yourself,
Save the heartbreak,
Save the hatred,
Just say no.

Don't look back.
Keep running.
They'll only hold you back.

Ignorant to your plans,
Uncaring for your future,
They'll only hold you back.

Grabbing your arms,
Shackling your feet.
Break the chains now.

They'll say you let them down,
They'll say you disappoint.
Shake it off,
Block it out,
And run.

Though you may love them,
Though you may care,
If you look back,
You'll be ensnared.
Keep running.

We found each other,
Two souls lost in a hurricane,
Searching for an anchor,
Grasping each other.

I pulled you out of the dark,
You glued the pieces of my broken heart.
You said that you were no saint,
Bu I am an angel.
Well if I am an angel,
Then you were my savior.

We were molded together, you and I,
Two broken creatures living side by side.
When did we break?

Left me for another,
Did the same thing to her that you did to me,
Now she's broken, I'm broken, and you're scott free,
Living your dream.

Here I am again,
Cleaning up the mess you made,
The hearts you left behind.
But we're alright,
Lost souls in your hurricane,
We've found each other.

Dam up the river,
Dry those eyes,
Throw away your fears.

Hold your breath,
Let it out slow.
Fake a smile,
Put on a good show.

Hold all of the secrets,
Hold all of the pain,
Lord knows you'll never be the same.

Day after day,
Crying out into the night.
The same nightmare,
The same scare,
The same fear,
The same prayer.
"Just let it end..."

I saw you with her today,
In your hands, you held both of our hearts.
Hers. Mine.
Her face held the brightest smile,
One that's been missing for quite a while.
So I ducked my head and let it go.
Gave up my love for someone else to hold...
After all, you were rightfully hers,
I really had no claim.
Just know that you took a part of me,
And while it's missing, I just won't be the same.

I hope you make her happy,
I hope you make her laugh,
Because if I ever see tears darken her eyes again,
I'm coming after you with a bat.

Its okay,
I'm not afraid,
I'll let you go and you'll be fine.

My breathing's getting slower,
And my heart starts to fade,
As the tears fall from your face.

You wipe them away,
You pull me in tight,
Trying to make me stay.
Trapped in love's embrace.

It's okay,
I'm not afraid,
I'll let you go and you'll be fine.

The beat's almost stopped,
My voice is getting faint,
And with my last breath I lean in to say,
"It's okay,
I'm not afraid,
I'll let you go and you'll be fine.
I love you."

You hear me laugh,
You see me smile,
You think everything's ok,
But it's not and it hasn't been for quite a while.

It's become second nature,
Keeping up this masquerade.
Lying, smiling and laughing,
Hoping you don't see through the charade.

Though I grow so tired,
Wishing to give it all up,
I have to keep going.

Never can I stop,
Never can I cry,
And here's the reason why;
If I crack even a little,
It all comes undone.
Everything I've worked to hide,
Will come to light.
And so like the web of a spider,
A web of lies continues to be spun.

A small slip of the tongue,
A simple flick of the wrist,
Something innocent like a first kiss,
And everything we know comes crashing down.

One love.
One choice.
One mistake.
But this is the price for the risks we take.

We can't always see,
We don't always care,
And the only thing left is the pain we all share.
Sometimes we're broken and we don't know why,
But all we can do is try.

Find the beauty in it all.
The forgiveness of a friend,
The light in the dark,
And the beautiful memories on which, in the storm, you'll depend.

Wind whips through the willows,
Rain splatters on the grass.
Clouds roll in, blocking It from my view.

It is beautiful,
It is my beacon of hope.
It shines through the dark shadows of my life.

But now it is gone...

The light cannot penetrate the dark,
It cannot guide my lost boat to shore,
It cannot shine through the dark shadows anymore...

The storm is unwavering,
The clouds are heavy,
The rain is thick and never stops.
All seems lost...

But then, the light!
The new hope shines through the dark clouds of despair.
And once again,
It is beautiful.

Little flame,
Flickering bright.
Trapped in your birdcage shaped prison,
Beating against the bars,
Trying to be free.

Needing to blaze brght,
Dreaming of fighting,
Flitting in place,
Burning in,
Fading out.

Your captors try to contain you,
Burn you out and train you,
But you have a strength they can't take away,
A hope,
A desire,
The dream that you will one day fly.

Burn through your bars,
Blaze bright,
Fly away.

You are not alone,
I am with you.
Come little broken heart, your angel is here.
Let me shelter you.
Let me wrap you in my warm embrace,
Forget the storm raging on around you.

Come little broken heart,
I will hold you tight.
I will stand beside you and take on your fight.

I won't let you fall,
And though it may seem that way,
You're not falling at all.

Come little broken heart,
You bring the pieces, I'll bring the glue.
And in the morning, when the sky turns from gold to blue,
I'll take your hand, pick up your feet and whisper that one day, again, we'll meet.

Come little heart,
You are no longer broken.

Calm down Little Seeker,
I know what you're searching for.
Happiness. Peace. Love.
Calm down Little Seeker,
Your destination's waiting for you.

You've been waiting for so long,
Like raindrops on a windowpane;
Hoping for an end.

An end to the search,
An end to the false hope,
An end to the disappointment.
It's there Little Seeker, take it.

Ashlei Cottom
Sweetheart, fine art is not about pride. It's about FINDING pride. It's about creating something and taking pride in the fact that you did. When I read your poetry, all I hear is "Me, me, me, I'm the best." That's not what poetry is... Poetry is not self praise. Poetry is taking the most hurtful, joyful, mixed, complicated emotions that you have and putting them into words that make everyone understand. You may tell write back and tell me everything that is wrong with my poetry, but I will not care. Why? Because I know that I have successfully been able to express myself in ways that other people can relate to and enjoy. Ways that they may not have been able to express the same feelings. I have confidence in your ability to realize your mistakes and fix them. I look forward to seeing these changes. So please, take this to heart and write. :)
Loghain Carvó
How laughable that one of my lessors attempts to give I art recommendations.

Ashlei Cottom
It's not so much your art I'm trying to change, but your character. It's your character that is reflected in your art.

Ashlei Cottom  
And if I could ask, why do you assume I am your lessor?
Loghain Carvó  
I am not assuming, you already have shown that you are a lessor human through your words.

Ashlei Cottom  
By encouraging you to keep doing what you love and bettering your character? Sir, I'm sorry, but if that is your opinion, I don't think it is I who is the lessor human...
Loghain Carvó
That is not what makes you my lessor, You are my lessor simply because you lack the artistic vision to fully appreciate the magnitude of my grand works. Please refrain from responding to this message as I wish to waste no more of my precious breath on peasants.

Ashlei Cottom
And how is it that I am a lessor human if all I do is try and help? Some people cut down and criticize and make others feel like mere mud on other's shoes. I am not one of those. I try to see the good in everyone. I think you have great talent, but I wish you would use that and dig deeper. I can tell you right now, with an unbiased opinion, that you unfortunately come across as narcissistic, selfish and and as you so eloquently put it, a "lessor human."

All I see are lonely hearts,
Standing,
Shivering in the dark.

The demons are closing in,
Shadows toying with their minds,
Imprisoning them in their own life.

Hiding from the truth,
They cover the proof.
Clean the blood in the snow,
Never let the skeleons show.

Hiding their faces,
Showing no fear.
But all I see are lonely hearts,
Quaking,
Shivering in the dark.

Blood in the snow,
Skeletons in the closet,
The demons are closing in.

Sparks fly,
Wind picks up,
Let's put on a show!

Tumble, Twirl
Flip and dip.
Heads in a whirl,
Never letting it slow.

Keep up the fun,
Keep up the trip,
Never letting it slow.
For if we do,
Precariously we'll slip,
Back into the depths of Hell below.

Someday, you'll forget who you once were.
You will leave it behind and start anew.
All of the pain and suffering will be gone, but not forgotten...
The memories will be there, binding you to the past.
It will serve as a reminder that you cannot, must not go back.

Emerge from the depths,
Let your beauty shine,
Sing your song for me tonight.

An exquisite creature,
Graceful as a wave.
Your otherworld beauty shines like the moon,
Silver scales glint in the light,
A welcome distraction.

Beautiful and mysterious,
The charming seductress of the sea.
Luring poor souls to beautiful death.

Do you need love?
Do you need to pamper selfish vanity by proving your beauty deadly?

Swim mystical enchantress,
Shine your scales another night.
Sing for me again

I see a face in the mirror and wonder,
Who can that be?
Surely that girl can't be me...

Her face holds a happy smile,
Her cheeks have no stains,
Her entire expression is frozen.
I knew that surely we weren't the same...

I am empty and devoid of joy,
I have cried so many tears,
My cheeks are permanently stained.
My face contorts like a monster,
Dealing with conflicting emotions.
Surely we aren't the same.

The girl in the mirror checks her makeup,
She walks out the door.
I'm left with the realization,
I am not me anymore.
The girl in the mirror is who I've become.
Frozen.
Acting.
Reese Witherspoon couldn't have done better.

I need some help,
But all I get is thrown on the ground,
I'm lost for words and I don't know what else to say.

I know I let you down,
But I was just so scared to be alone.
After you left,
My heart was locked up,
Too afraid to let anybody in.

For years it rested so comfortably on my sleeve.
Year after year,
Little by little,
I was torn, broken and bleeding.
Everyone it was ever trusted with, left.

No my little heart is tired,
Tired of crying out for help,
Tired of being left.
So just know,
You were the last...

Nobody answers the phone when I call,
When I message, they look and walk away.
Nobody takes time to ponder,
Nobody takes time to think.
They don't answer,
They don't realize how easy it could be.

What if that girl you just ignored needed someone to talk her down from her ledge?
What if that call you just declined was one that could have saved a life?
What if that kid who always messages you does it because he deluded himself into thinking that someone actually cares?

"It's not my problem."
"They'll be okay."
"I was just really busy that day."
Is this justification?
Or lies you tell yourself over and over to hide the fact that you threw them away?

It's simple really,
Don't be a *****.

Heart so pure,
Face so sweet,
You used to make my heart skip a beat.
So who is this monster before me?
Who is this blood-thirsty demon?
My caged love?
Or something sinister?

Used to be as gentle as a faun,
Now resembles the predator who kills viciously  everything good.
I know you're in there somewhere,
My beautiful darling.
All my fault,
Your imprisonment,
Didn't protect you like I should've.
One bite and it's all over,
No cure,
No time.

I promised to never give up,
To bring you back to me,
To find a cure.

I failed.
There's no hope.
I cradle your demise as I watch you sleep,
Steel my heart,
Feeling it break in two.
Forgive me for what I am about to do...

I'm sorry my sweet,
I love you my darling,
Goodbye sweetheart...

Anxiety,  Depression, Mental Breakdowns;
This is the sad reality of high school.
No one escapes.

Sleepless nights, racing hearts, a lake of tears;
This is the product of high school.
No one escapes.

No one escapes the pain,
No one escapes the fear,
We all feel like we don't belong here.

A slew of words,
Condescending tones,
"You're alright, nothing's wrong."
"You'll be fine, you're overreacting."
But we're not!
It's real!
It's here!
No one escapes!

But of course,
No one listens...

This haunted corpse,
This broken shell,
This empty lifeless body with it's putrid smell,
She still walks.

She roams the streets,
Her heart on her sleeve,
Bleeding and broken, yet still beating.

There's no light in her eyes,
There's no mirth in her body,
No truth in her speech,
And no joy in her laugh.
There's nothing left.

She gave all she had,
Bled until she could bleed no more.
A corpse.
A shell.
She still walks.
There's nothing left.

Put down the bottle,
Step away from the drugs,
The procedure of life is hard enough.

It's good in the moment,
The euphoric high.
But once you come down,
All you can do is cry.

Depression sets in,
And you look at your life.
Broken pieces,
Withered and dead.
Like a rose on the ground.

You do it again,
Just to feel whole.
But this time, the high doesn't come 'round.

You took too much,
Trying to numb the pain.
Life flashes before you,
And you see it slip away...

I stare at the wall.
I should be feeling,
I should be breaking,
Crying myself into a dreamless sleep.

There's nothing.
As soon as emotion appears,
It is silenced.
Hard heart,
Cold as ice,
Freezing any pain,
Any joy,
Any sorrow.

It took years to achieve this,
Years to curse myself into perfection.
Years to feel as hollow as people seem to think I am.

Their words bounce off,
Cutting like glass as they leave.
But I feel no pain.
I am numb.

Why to you, do I seem so small?
Why do you seem to pat my head and walk away?
I have kept it in, but now I have a lot to say.
I don't buy this **** at all!

Things aren't what they seem,
You're not the only one with a dream!
I have feelings and a life too!
But does that matter to you?!

You step on me and pretend to care;
You throw this poor dog a bone and think it's enough.
But this is more than I can bear,
And I'm done dealing with your stuff!

When will you see that you matter to me?
But I won't be your toy.
Open your eyes, that's the key!
I'm taking back my joy.

Crouched on the bathroom floor,
Devoid of breath and clearly a mess.
Time slows and for a moment, everything stops.

The fears that were once kept at bay,
Stored in the back of my mind,
Are now released,
Closing in, one at a time.

The air grows thick,
Choking out the peace,
Slowly strangling me into submission.

Heart quickens,
Breathing shallows,
Is this how it ends?
Is this how it goes?
Stuck in the bathroom and no one knows?

Trembling and shaking,
Quivering with fear,
But then it all ends with
"Darling come here."

Wake me up with a tender touch,
A soft kiss,
And a pretty word.

Lie with me,
Watching the sunrise,
Holding me close.

I'll snuggle in an we'll talk about the future,
Waste the day away.
Say you love me,
And I will too.
You lean in,
But then you're gone...

I wake up...
You're still gone and I lie awake,
Wishing that it was reality...

Like a shark surrounds it's prey,
You skirt around me,
Never hitting head on.
Backing into a corner,
Scaring me into hiding.

Was the pain you caused not enough?
Are not my emotional scars enough?
Or is it because I fought back that you need something more permanent?

Eliminating my army,
Eliminating my support,
One by one.
Until I am alone...

I will not give up,
I will not back down.
I will fight,
I will win.
No more of my blood will be shed for you,
No more of my tears will you get.
The fear has turned to anger,
I'm warning you now, RUN.

A life time of crying out,
Falling on deaf ears.
So much pain,
No one cares enough to see.

4 years of complete silence.
No cries,
No screams,
Nothing.

Finally today,
I'm breaking the silence.
Help me.
Don't let me fall.
I'm teetering on the edge,
The storm's beating down,
And I'm tempted to jump.

It's morbid,
I know.
You're telling me to hang one,
But I've been hanging on for 16 years.
16 years too long...

If I was going to commit suicide,
it would probably be in September.
That's the month when everything goes wrong,
When everything falls apart.

It's the month when summer ends,
And it becomes fall.
When alive things die,
And sane people break.

My life always seems to crumble,
Every crack magnified,
Every tear multiplied.

It's like a Green Day song once said,
"Wake me up when September ends..."

Fresh blanket,
Cold snap,
Peace all around.

With open arms,
The angels on the ground.

Sky glows,
Crimson and orange,
As the sun sets.

One look down,
At the shadows on the snow,
Reminds me that even something so pure,
Is not safe from the dark.

"I'm fine" she tells you,
Tears rolling down her face.
Inside her heart is breaking.
Weeping on the inside,
Hiding the waterfall inside.

Pulling down her sleeves,
Wrapping her arms around her body,
Wishing for someone.

She calls back,
She's trying,
But doesn't know how much longer she can last.
Voicemail speaks,
Like a whisper of death.

She swallows it,
Accepting another restless night,
Crying herself into a sleep without peace,
Yet again...

We thought it was empty,
Until we stepped inside.
The broken dreams and shattered hearts,
The cries of despair,
Lingering spirits reminding us oth their existance.

Empty little down,
Sad little town,
Desolated, destroyed little town.

Sweet little shadows,
Tender little spirits,
Guiding us through the ruin.

They never saw it coming,
Their surprise fate,
Seizied upon them while at play.

Blink of an eye,
Gone in a flash,
Nothing left,
No future, only past.

Look in the mirror,
Make a face.
Open the bag and let it all fall out.
A little bit here, a little bit there.
Another color here and another and another.

Put down the brush,
The mask is complete.
Will they be happy now?
Will I?

Line the eyes,
Dot the lips,
Blot.
Oops, missed a spot.

Guess it's as good as it's gonna get...
Will they be happy now?
Will I?
Out the door,
Time to face the critics.

Angry words,
Slamming doors.
In the car and silence screams,
So much for Happy Ever After

Tears fall.
Wondering where the time went,
Both feeling so small,
Looking at how the years were spent.

Felt like a fairy tale,
Once upon a time,
Watching their story fail,
They realize that it's just a nursery rhyme.

He was a prince,
But it's been a long time since.
She was beautiful,
But now she's just suitable.

So much for Happy Ever After,
Just leads to a sadder chapter...

Eyes flitting,
Stomach churning,
Cheeks burning,
Quickly sitting

Ringing bell,
Cheeks aflame
Feels like hell,
Both the same

Hiding in the bathroom
Giving up so soon?
High school's filled with an alien race
Just please give me some space...

Now I've had quite a day
And for the next two years, I'll have to stay
But at least I'll look like I'm smiling to you...

"Why do you have to be like this?"
"Why can't you just be this way?"
"Why can't you be--?"
Be what?
Be perfect?
Sorry dear, what you see is what you're gonna get.

I'm done pretending,
I'm done trying,
I'm done caring.
I'll never be what you want!

I've tried my whole life to be perfect.
But what does that even mean?!
Whatever it is, it's something I'll never be.

Criticize all you want,
Tear me limb from limb,
I'll never be what you want.
I've wasted all my time,
I've wasted all these years,
I'm done.
Sorry dear.

Why do you stand by?
Why do you ignore then when they cry?
Why don't you meet their eyes?
I'll tell you why.
You're scared to be them.

You're scared to feel their pain.
You're scared to end up the same.
You're scared to hear their cries,
So you tell yourself lies.
"Oh, they'll be fine."
"I'll talk to them next time."
Then you walk away.

So tell me, does that time ever come?
Do you ever hear their cries?
Do you ever meet their eyes?
No?
Then, do you meet their parent's eyes?
Do you hear their best friend's cries?
Their cries of pain,
Of knowing that their light is gone.
Never to shine again.

Stay alive.
Deep breaths.
You're calling me a hypocrite, I know,
But darling,
I'm not worth as much as you.

Your beautiful smile lights up the room,
Your words paint a picture, captivating everyone.
Your arms embrace so many,
Their pain are scars on your wrists.
Stay alive.

Live on for me.
You're calling me selfish, I know,
But darling,
I'm not worth as much as you.

The lives you've touched multiply daily,
They all talk of the one who gave them light,
Who looked at them with love, not spite.

You're crying,
Calling me stupid, I know,
But I wasn't worth as much as you.

Hush now,
Quiet down.
Don't make a sound.
Stand strong.

I know you want to scream and cry,
I know you want to shake your fist and scream
"God, why?!"
But you can't.

You must be strong.
You must give them something to hold on to.
You must be the rock,
You must brave the storm,
You must look strong, though you are worn.

So baby girl,
Don't you cry.
Take the pain and hold it all inside.

I see you tremble,
I see you shake,
Trying to figure out how to make your escape.

You didn't think he'd come,
You didn't think he'd show,
But he did.

Bile rises in your mouth,
Stomach churns,
Images play in your head.
Remembering everything that happened,
Everything that he did.

He took everything from you.
Your life,
Your joy,
Your security,
Your innocence.
Open your eyes, decide.
Clench your fists,
Walk past.
Take it all back and send the ******* straight to Hell.

Here comes the countdown.
5...
The blades clang.
The battle leaves no one alive.
5...
4...
Death does not discriminate,
Not between the rich nor the poor.
5...
4...
3...
The ghostly silence echos through the trees.
5...
4...
3...
2....
There's no one left to mourn for you.
5...
4...
3...
2...
1...
All of this will be forgotten with the rising sun.

The broken bells chimed high today,
Signaling the end.

Broken bell,
Broken sound,
For the broken people on the ground.

Looking up,
Feeling down,
Humming along with that sweet, broken sound.

"It is like sadness and joy,
Coming together,
Nothing sweeter,
Nothing more depressing."

Those who hear it often say,
And none had ever heard it more clear than today.
The broken bells chimed today,
Signaling the end,
For the broken people on the ground.

The future looms, staring me in the face
Pulling, tugging and prompting me in to place.

The handcuffs snap, binding me
The chains pulling my hands further and further away from the cord of freedom that keeps me going.

Pushing, Pulling, Prodding, Poking.
The future, so seductive.
Tricking me in to wanting, but withholding.
A worse tease than any girl,
Confusing me until my head starts to whirl.

Do I go or do I stay?
I really have no say.
Things will go as planned...

A beautiful dark,
A piercing light,
A radiant sky,
I'm ready for flight.

Wings poised,
Hope in the air.
Moonbeams reflect in a beautiful glare,
Giving proof that the time is near.
Crouch down low so no one will know,
Careful now, we're going slow.
Bank left,
Wheel right,
Locked in a beautiful dance tonight

Grab my body and I'll anchor yours,
Stay with me on our celestial dance floor

As the fractured light of dawn begins,
So starts the eternity to pay for our sins.
We are the Fallen.