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To those days spending endless nights in my head with nothing but happy thoughts.
To those days spending countless hours running and playing with my friends.
To those days filled with happiness.
To those days where I was ignorant to the world around me.
When I didn't know.

To now.
Spending these endless nights with silent tears.
Spending countless hours with my fears of the world around me.
Spending every night awake with my horrible thoughts.
Spending these days hiding who I am.
Spending countless hours thinking of those who don't think about me.
To these endless nights the seamlessly flow to another day.
To these nights of pain.
To These Nights.
The smoke fills my lungs.
I let it enter my body and let it control my thoughts.
I am a prisoner of the smoke I inhale.
Being weighed down, craving it's embrace.
One more drag I say to no advale to stop for it has consumed me.
I started smoking cigarettes at the age of fifteen i am now eighteen and my addiction has only gotten worse.
He smells like heaven to me.
His lips are soft but firm.
They are inviting.
He is gentle but i felt he wanted more.
I had this urge to never break away from the kisses.
I had these feelings of utter happiness overwhelm my body when he got close to me.
His hand fit perfectly in mine.
His eyes are mesmerizing to me.
His face is carved into the perfect features.
His nose is so cute.
He is just so perfect I am so surprised that he wasn't taken when I met him.
This is about my current boyfriend. He is amazing and a great guy.
The wind is bellowing throught our hair.
We stand there in silence as we stare at each other.
We say no words for they can not form what we try to mean.
We are speechless.
Time slows down around us.
And then we speak and the sparks fly.
I don't know I am just writing.
Look into the mirror.
Look at your reflection.
See the beauty that is you.
Tell yourself that you are strong.
Tell yourself that you are beautiful.
Hold your head up high.
Love yourself.
To love yourself is to love yourself as a whole.
Missing her kills me.
Knowing my word means nothing to her.
Nothing will bring her back.
The tears that I cry won't.
The pain in my heart won't.

The cuts on my arms mean nothing.
They don't mean I am safe or not.
They don't mean I am free or held down.
They mean I am dying on the inside.
Trying to get out of this body that holds me here.

The apologize are for nothing.
I'm losing you and it's effortless.
I'm in over my head with problems.
But she never fails to be there in my mind.

I lost her, now I am dying everyday for what we had.
This is my goodbye to you and her.
Смерть не так уж далека. Мы прошли нашу дату смерти, не зная об этом. Тем не менее мы отмечаем наш день рождения каждый год.

Death is not so far away. We passed our date of death, not knowing about it. Nevertheless, we celebrate our birthday every year.
I am fluent in russain my english is okay but I write better in russain. The translation is below.
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