Ash Levi Von Stein

Ash Levi Von Stein Feb 2017

Untitled

I climb out of the hole the dug for me.
I open my eyes to tge harsh light of the new world.
I pat my body feeling if I am alive.
WAIT... whats this the ***** of fat on my chest are gone.
I feel something where they should be.
A scar.
They dug my grave for I was born in the wrong body and I try so hard to fix it.
I used to bind my chest everyday it hurt so much.

Just words that come to mind that filled my head and created a story.

Ash Levi Von Stein Feb 2017

Defeated

Over 5 broken rids in 2 years of binding them.
Over 10 beatings by my peers for going in the wrong bathroom.
Over a 1,000,000 tears cries.
Over a 1,000 prayers not heard.
Over a 12 friends left because I came out.
Over a 1,000 fights with my parents on losing a daughter but gaining a son.
Over 200 cuts on my arms due to wishing I was normal.
Over 29 burn marks to wanting to please others.
Over 10,000 smiles when I put on my chest binder.
Over 900 recognition of me being male instead of female.
Only 1 life I live to be who I am in MY journey.

My stats on coming out I may add more later on.

#transgender

Ash Levi Von Stein Feb 2017

No Name Kid

They make him smile.
Their eyes shows him a story.
Their heart speaks the words that their mouth can not form.
The blush that rises on their face tells him the truth.
Their words mean something to him.

#agender #theythem

Ash Levi Von Stein Feb 2017

Their Eyes

He looks in to their eyes.
Dumbfounded at the story they tell.
He looks at the pain that resides behind their eyes.
He stares at them in awe at what they have to say. At what they have to tell him.
He watches the flash of pain to suffering to happiness.
He watches the moments that are dark to the moments that bring them peace.
He hugs the person and tells them not to fear for they are not alone anymore.

Ash Levi Von Stein Jan 2017

Feelings

Darkness…
The only thing I can see as I hear the words “**** yourself.”
Frustration…
The only thing I can feel as I take the blade from the workbench.
Tears…
The only thing I can taste. The salt the bitterness of the things they tell me to do.
Manic depression episode…
The thing that I go into when I heard those two words.
Time…
The only thing that is warped but completely on track for me.
Suicide**…
The only thought in my head and I never knew what suicide was at the point in life.

Sorry this one is bad. I am not good at writing in the morning

#suicide #depression #bipolar

Ash Levi Von Stein Jan 2017

Trans Poem Part 2

And now it feels like you have forgotten my past and only focus upon your unfounded fears.
And now it seems you’re more afraid of gaining a son than you are loosing your daughter.
And now it seems you refuse to acknowledge that this is not a phase.
And now it seems you disregard my feelings to comfort yourself.
And now it seems you’re blindness is killing me.
And now it seems you refuse to look.

I’m sorry that it isn’t a phase like you had originally thought or so desperately hope now.
I’m sorry that this is hard for you… even though it is harder for me.
I’m sorry I’m your son and not your daughter.
I’m sorry that I embarrass you and Dad.
I’m sorry that I’m not good enough.
I’m sorry that I’m transgender.
I’m sorry that I’m not normal.
I’m sorry…
I’m sorry.

#transgender

Ash Levi Von Stein Jan 2017

Trans Poem Part 1

When I was little you told me I could be anything I wanted.
No one looked twice when I shopped in the boys section,
When I wore dark blues and grays instead of pink,
When I played in the mud or with other boys,
When I refused to hear my hair down,
Or when I siad I thought I was a boy.

When I got older you no longer thought it cute but we're not worried quite yet.
You told me that the lumps on my chest were beautiful despite my protests.
You told me that I would change and thag being a tomboy was temporary.
You told me that one day I would love dresses, pink, and makeup.
You told me that I woulf grow out of it soon enough even though I told yoy I wouldn't.

In the final years of high school you began to worry and I began to breathe as things became clear.
You noticed that not once have I worn a dress since you stopprd forcing me to.
You noticed my web pages I left open that read Top surgery or Testosterone.
You noticed the lumps on my chest grew smaller as I bought better binders.
You noticed my hair steadily becoming shorter after every single haircut.
You noticed the letter on the counter that read a few simple word. If yoy haven't noticed... I'm transgender.

#transgender