pulling dead grass from its roots
alone in the silence
if thats what you call it when the voices scream louder than anything real
utterly chilly but ignoring that the best i can
as im waiting for someone im set on seeing tonight
the skys a great mess of clouds
wow
my hands are shaking rapidly
breathing has slowed
even the moths dont dare touch me; dont dare interact
a pile of glass sits in front of me
but dont be fooled, not all glass is sharp
even when you want it to be
so i'll be okay i'll be alright i'll be alone
i just cant get over the ******* sky and the breeze and the things that are so simple and taken for granted each crisp night
do you even notice real beauty anymore
or are you that drown in pain
i find comfort in the night
as its as eerie and lonely as i always am

BABY I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN
I MEAN I FIGURED I BEAT IT YKNOW??? ID BEEN MORE HAPPY THAN I EVER THOUGHT I COULD BE
HEY GUESS WHAT THO
ITS BACK BABE ITS ALL BACK AGAIN
ITS BROUGHT ITS COMPANIONS LIKE ALWAYS
AS IF ITS NOT ENOUGH TO BARE ALREADY
TEARS
ISOLATION
LONELINESS
NUMBNESS
WOUNDS (BY THIS I MEAN EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY BUT THAT'S INEVITABLE)
I'M MORE THAN SURE ITS COME TO RUIN MY LIFE ONCE AGAIN
WHICH I JUST CANNOT HAVE
****
ITS FINALLY SO ******* PERFECT
IT DOESN'T CARE THO HAHA
WHY WOULD IT CARE THAT IVE GRASPED A JUBILANT LIFE NOW?
IT FEEDS OF FEAR AND COWARDLY ONES
THAT MAKES ME WEAKER THAN MOST
I SHOULD SAY GOOD BYE NOW BEFORE ITS TOO LATE
IM SURE IT WILL **** ME THIS TIME
ILL **** ME
BCS I DON'T REALLY HAVE THE ENERGY TO FEND THIS OFF AND STAY ALIVE.
YOU KNOW HOW IT IS RIGHT? RIGHT?
WELL LIKE
I LOVE YOU
AND SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE?
THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE TEND TO SAY WHEN THEY'RE LEAVING FOREVER
ALSO I SHOULD TELL YOU IM SORRY
FOR HURTING YOU AND STUFF
FOR LEAVING U WITH MY MESS
BUT MOSTLY FOR THIS ******* CLICHE ENDING

The voices always screamed
So did my mother
I couldn't take this
She started to hit my brother

She needed to be taught a lesson
For when she made him cry
I grabbed a book of matches
She is going to die

My thoughts are often violent
Dr. John says I'm not well
I see him twice a week
But I'm already going to hell

So I lit the fire
It started with her bed
Everyone is dying
Or is it in my head ?

The fires in the lawn now
And all the grass is dead
All the grass is dead
Or is it in my head?

Each blade of grass burnt
Brings me much concern
I've hurt my whole family
Now it is my turn

Part one:
We stop saying I love you every night
The fights are too much
You're always angry
You're always violent
I still love you
Part two:
I don't remember the last time you said I love you
I don't think you do anymore
The neighbors called the police on us last night
My hospital bracelet is itchy
My bed is cold
I still love you  
Part three:
I question if this is right
I've never been in worse shape
You say sorry
You tell me you love me
I still love you
Part four:
You lied about loving me
The damage is done
You're finally locked away and gone
But

I still love you

So, I lay where we did earlier today
Where we were yesterday, and the day before
Drowning, surrounded in blankets ((the blankets hold much more than lint and old lousy dryer sheets stuck on the edges) ))
They hold memories, laughs, smiles
The pillows witnessed our secret telling
Watched us kiss
Watched us fall in love over and over again((at least me falling in love with you, i'll never understand how someone could love me yknow)))
And at night they remind me of you and remind me to miss you
They make sure my dreams are dark nightmares of losing you
Nightmares of you not loving me
Dark thoughts of losing trust
Losing our smiles
You left your drink on my table and I wouldn't dare touch it until I know you're coming back to me
For what if you never come back and all I have left of you is that old cup of flat mt. dew on my broken little table
Every time I look at it I can be reminded of your lips, taking a sip
(maybe then I won't forget how it felt when your lips touched mine.,..,..)
My bedroom screams of you and always will so please don't leave
My life is sad until you come back the next day don't you understand that???
I couldn't bare the memories here
I couldn't bare the perfect marks you left with me
You etched your name into me in places I'll never forget so
Please stay
Because alone, in THIS room????? That's not something I could bare

When you see her cry
     you get a rag,
a gentle delicate cloth.
                                        Lovingly grasp her hand
                                               and dab its tip;
                                       dry each tear as they come.
                                                           ­                               And ask each drop
                                                            ­                                   why it'd leave
                                                           ­                               such beautiful eyes.

  If she wishes
to be in the sky,
  tell her to go.
                              Take the sun ransom,
                              and replace its shining
                                    with her own.
                                                            ­          So you can see her every morning
                                                         ­                          and wish for her
                                                                ­                  return each night.

When you see her scars
  both visible and non-
    touch each gently.
                                             And remind her
                                       that each and every hurt
                                            she has survived,
                                                       ­                                 has only made her
                                                                ­                   that much more unique;
                                                         ­                              that much stronger.

  Show her that she
  is a special person
and is worthy of love.
                                     That she deserves the love
                                            she fears to give...
                                            show her so that
                                                            ­                     one day after you're gone
                                                            ­                      she can find the strength
                                                                ­                    to go on without you.

    Tell her that while
she might not be a goddess
far above worldly desires,
                                          that she is amazing,
                                         for just being herself
                                    for being that beautiful girl
                                                            ­                   who thinks herself damaged
                                                         ­                         when in truth she's just
                                                            ­                    a different kind of beautiful.

   And finally, love her.
  Like a boy loves a girl
Till she finally remembers
                                            that that's what she is:
                                          not a scar, not a goddess,
                                             not a star. But a girl.
                                                           ­                         That deserves to be loved.