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Audrey Parent May 2015
There is rain falling in fat droplets outside my window.
It is 12:00 at night and I can't sleep.  
I can't sleep because
I have to know
every sound that the rain makes when it hits my window,
remember every beat as it hits the ground,
memorize every roar of thunder and
listen to every crack of lightning.
I can't fall asleep because the world is awake
and I still have to much to learn from it.
Every howl of the wind is a lesson that I have yet tohave heard.
And every sound of one raindrop hitting the roof of this house
one after one,
after one,
after one,
after one
makes me feel a little less alone in this world,
because it tells me that the storm is coming
and I better learn to dance in it
and I will make memories
from each sleepless night
because of the rain
and it tells me that we can all get picked up by life
and get carried away with the rest of the world.
And we will show true beauty,
power,
responsibility,
leadership
and maturity in those moments.
But we all hit the pavement at one point
and we all land on our *****
and sometimes it hurts more then others
and sometimes you can't get back up the way you use too.
But eventually we will work our way back up to where we were before. The rain teaches me that from those moments
we will have changed
and we will have learned lessons we didn't want to learn
but needed too.
So how can I possibly sleep
when the world still has so much to teach me
and I still have so much to learn?
Audrey Parent Apr 2015
Just seeing you there
made my breath catch in my throat.
But not in a good way,
in the way were I couldn't breath.
And that last breath might **** me.

inhale
exhale

My throat was closing up
I was gasping
trying to catch my breath.
I felt light headed
Like I was about to either pass out
or throw up.

inhale
exhale

I wanted to run away
and pretend I never felt
the things I felt for you.
I wanted to leave
so I could catch my breath again
to remember the feeling
of oxygen in my lungs
and to really be breathing.

inhale
exhale

But I had to stay strong
and soldier on
And pretend
the walls you put up
don't hurt me as much
as they really do.
And make it seem like the air
is easily passing through my lungs
as it is for you.

inhale
exhale

And I sit here and wonder
does this hurt you as much as it hurts me
then I remember,
no it doesn't.
You are fine.
And I am nothing more to you
then a stupid regret.

inhale
*exhale
Audrey Parent Apr 2015
I am scared of thunder storms
and I can't sleep when it rains.
I hate my smile
my hair
my eyes
my fingers
my stomach
and my thighs.
But lord do I love my laugh.
I love to sing
and to write poetry.
I know everything about Harry Potter
I've never thought that kissing could mean so much
I gave kisses away like nickels in a jar marked "spare change"
I preferred cuddling
to intimate affection
and I loved being the little spoon.
I care too much
or not enough.
I have to click with someone to be their friend.
I think I am easily replaced
I am easily replaces
I hurt easily.
I don't like myself.
I love the colour yellow.
I question my faith.
I'm scared of death
and what comes next
when I'm buried six feet under.
I love the stars
but am afraid of space
wondering what is out there.  
I never see the big picture
just the little details in-between.
I don't know what I want to be
my family has little hope for me.
I know every word to Disney's Aladdin
I love The Little Mermaid.
You were the one thing I thought was fine
that didn't think so low of me.
But I was wrong
and now you are gone
because everything I was
wasn't enough to make you stay.
I am scared to open up to people, especially in relationships because if it doesn't last that person still knows so much about you and you can't take that back. They now know all you hopes, fears, dreams and nightmares and they can just walk away from it all without flinching, while you are left with part of yourself missing because they have it with them.  And they. No. Longer. Care.
Audrey Parent Apr 2015
I could stop breathing
and only my family
would mourn my death
and notice
I was
no
longer
there
.
.
So maybe I could stop breathing
Let the world stop turning before my eyes
Because I know
I wouldn't be missed
Audrey Parent Apr 2015
You and I have been
Strangers
Then we were
Friends
and soon we became
Lovers
But we fought
and you
lost all hope of loving me
so now we are
Strangers.
Her and I were
Strangers
which turned into
Friends
then
Best Friends
but that too soon returned to
Strangers.
I have seen to many people start off as
Strangers
turn into something more, then return to
Strangers.
So all I can do is hope that I will meet a
Stranger
and become
Friends
then maybe
Lovers
and stay that way for infinity.
But with my past record,
we too would become
Strangers.
Audrey Parent Apr 2015
I hid in the shadows to watch you pass
Only to feel sad that I was left out
Audrey Parent Apr 2015
You and I are two of a kind
We lie through our teeth to impress each other
To make it seem like the actions we took
are much less then they seem
To pretend that we don't really deserve
the consequences we face
because of those actions.
So we can pick sides
and become allies
against the world that is calling us out on our bull s**t.
Even though we both don't really care what the other has actually done.
We pretend to.
And we pretend to believe
every lie
that slips through our lips into the cold night sky.
And we don't really like each other that much anyway.
But we make two of a kind
And one hell of a team.
Soaking in *****, cigarette ashes and regret.
Shooting bullets at everyone who comes too close.
And we try and stop the other
from shooting that bullet
one inch closer to their messed up brain.
Maybe one day we will fail to save the other.
But for right now,
we really are
two of a kind
This isn't my best poem, but it definitely represents what is going on right now in my life.
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