what do you want?
friendship?
fuckship?
relationship?
you talk at me and I'm confused by your words

are there people here?
why do I hear no noises?
among the living dead there are a great number who sit on the throne of this mighty house

all I ever wanted was to be loved
you kissed me, cared for me
you held me when I was hopeless
with you I was whole, I was happy.
when we fell apart I turned my head
with a ferocious anger I turned
and carved out your heart
while from the windows I watched you bleed.
frolicking for a time I forgot of love
I contented with trifles, easily amused
until my heart burned again.
I reflect on the times we shared, pondering
how could I have turned from your unfailing love?

a sad set of eyes scrutinize me
watch my self neglect
remembering our times together
trying too hard to forget.
I lay by his warm body
his arms hold me, unfamiliar
we kiss, I do not love him
we make love, I do not know him.
sometimes I yearn for your familiarity
but I know I can never return
your strong arms cannot hold me
your gaze cannot see me.
you do not understand
I cannot explain.

I know it's cheesy
and cliché. I still want love.
when will I find it?